Thank you Cardinal! I have “favorites” to try from the food network app. This weekend, I also went on the hunt for some nice cookware that was marked down or at a thrift shop. I am slowly purging items I don’t want and getting items I do. As far as I can tell, he stayed on the couch most of Saturday, then literally all day Sunday until he left, yet again, to work in the country that OW resides in. This time, I am somewhat curious as what is going on there as she is still “ in a relationship” with someone else now, and he really has a work issue that he was sent there for. It’s weird, I am noticing myself not really caring about what he thinks of what I’m doing. I think this is the beginning of me really “dropping the rope” it is empowering. I hope your week is a good one!
Just some questions, hoping someone here can shed some light on them...I am noticing that I am becoming more indifferent to this situation. Like tonight, for instance-he is out of the country-when he told me he was leaving, I asked when he’d be back and he said Thursday. Last time he was out, I got a “I’ll be home around 1:00am” text. That was out of the norm for him. So this time, no text, and although I have a little wonder if he’s coming home tonight, I really don’t care. I hope he’s safe, of course. I just have been doing stuff around the house-doing my own thing. I’ve made plans this weekend on my own. I do want a reconciliation, but I wonder if there is a point where indifference just moves in?
Yes but I'm guessing you're not there yet and your emotions will fluctuate. You should add a signature so people are able to see where you are in your timeline.
I hope he’s safe, of course. I just have been doing stuff around the house-doing my own thing. I’ve made plans this weekend on my own. I do want a reconciliation, but I wonder if there is a point where indifference just moves in?
Like LH said, your feelings will fluctuate. Also really allow yourself to feel the grief and the pain if those feelings show up sometimes. You want to be at peace. but not indifferent in way where you’re just burying all the pain inside. It sounds like you are getting better at detaching though. Hang in there!!
Burying it inside sounds about right. Therapy has allowed me to learn so much, I have anxiety and lately, that is gone, but therapy has allowed me to be aware that I have a lot of anger deep inside. So these last 8 months of anxiety and worry about what will happen has been dealt with in the sense I can only control myself. So knowing I can only control me, has lead to anger about what I can’t control. I am not a person who outwardly shows what I am feeling, so that anger is pushed down, and I have attempted to protect myself by acting like I don’t care. Hence indifference.
I don’t know why I was surprised, but I was surprised-
H has been home from abroad since Thursday late. When he came home, I did ask the next day how the different city was, since he normally goes to the same city every time, and he seemed defeated, “they all are the same” He isn’t feeling well and has been staying in D24’s room. (Vs. The couch) over the weekend, we actually had some mini, mini conversations. He actually responded to my question if he wanted Chinese food one night (yes!) and the next day, he brought home food to share. Although we do not eat together, he has refused any suggestions of any dinner or lunch since May.
On social media, I could tell that he and OW26, are not “together” anymore. It looks as if she’s found someone closer to her age. My H is 56.
So I have been GALing, trying to stay mysterious while I do things. Last night, I went to our MBR, he was in the closed room of D24. I had our door open with the tv on low. I could hear a weird tone, and I turned down the tv to see if I could figure out where it was coming from. IT WAS HIM FACETIMING HER. I heard her say hey, then he was speaking in broken Spanish asking what she was doing, and that he was “in me casa”. Then he asked “let me see what you’re wearing” I could tell she wasn’t doing that and then he asked to see parts of her body, and she wouldn’t, he got mad, and said, “you know what, just forget it, I’ll never talk to you again”. Then that was it. I don’t know how they ended up talking, as they aren’t obvious together online, but I know better than to think he’s done with this. I do t know if she’s texted him, so he FaceTimed or what. As embarrassing as it is to post this, I had to share.
I also am disgusted by his behavior, would he think it’s ok for our D24 to have someone treat her like that? It just shows how adolescent he is in this MLC.
This just reinforces the roller coaster comparison. Ugh, what a ride.
Has anyone out there ever felt it was hopeless? Today, I am feeling it. Usually, I try to continue on the marathon, not the sprint. Last night, I went to visit a friend who is in from out of town. H didn’t know, nor did he ask where I went when I came home around midnight. I had such a great time!
Last weekend, he was home with that coughing bug that’s going around, and I was home not feeling great. He and I had a few mini conversations, nothing but chit chat. Now that he seems to be feeling an little better, he is back to avoiding. He does continue to walk through the room I’m in, which is a little improvement.
I think my hopeless feeling comes from having a little openness to him being closed up. I am not initiating any R talk or really anything of substance. We have not had any conversations of any merit since the BD in May.
I have chosen to stand and after almost 28 years married, I feel I owe it to continue. I would appreciate any suggestions, I know there isn’t a crystal ball to determine what will happen, but I’m trying.
Today, he has been gone most of the day. I am going out again tonight to go to a retirement party. I never am out two nights in a row, and I am trying to not be predictable.
I think my hopeless feeling is because I think somewhere in my mind I had thought since we chatted a little last weekend, and the snake eyes are gone, that he would inquire to where I had been. When he didn’t and then took off today to who know where, it made me sad and also made me wonder if he thinks I went out on a date. I know this sounds dumb, because he has had an OW, he told me he didn’t want to be married, but here I am not wanting to give the wrong message. Thankfully, I am NC for anything of substance, or I would probably tell him exactly who I was with, where I was, why I was out and when I’ll be home. That would not be great.
Weekends. I usually look forward to being all about me, and since last weekend we were home, somehow I fell into these feelings this weekend.
One day at a time is right, maybe even one hour at a time.
