may, I have been following your sitch, and I'm sorry I don't post more! I've been feeling ill-equipped to give any advice to anyone lately. I seem to remember your H also having resentment about your expressing desire for him now, after years of the SSM. Right around/after BD, when I expressed to my H that I did/do desire him, he seemed really hurt and angry that I hadn't expressed this to him enough before. I think he'd been holding on to a lot of resentment I wasn't aware of, so I was met with the too little, too late attitude. Words vs. actions though--I never tried to act differently. Hmm.
Yes, my H got all angry when I started talking about my desire, too little, too late, etc etc. Very similar to what Wooba says above. That he could *never* imagine having sex with me again, and until actually the final BD a month ago now (dang! already a month!) the only time we were intimate were these weird, quickie middle of the night encounters that he would initiate and then mostly feel all sad about afterwards. (eye roll) Now, we've been intimate several times since then and it is way hotter than anything we had before, except maybe at the beginning of our R. He has expressed a lot of surprise, like who is this new May, both in the actions and in talking about it.
Originally Posted by wooba
With that said, I almost want to encourage you to experiment for yourself. Other vets may vehemently disagree with me though....ha!!! Test yourself. Be brave and initiate. Be prepared to be hurt because you said you’re not detached enough. It might put you back into square one in terms of DBing. But then you might learn more about yourself afterwards. Whatever H will think, it doesn’t matter. Its not about him, it’s about you.
I mean, I decided to experiment for myself and I'm glad I did. Honestly, 100 percent, I really don't care if he's cake eating or it is anti-DB or it makes a future R with him less likely. This is for ME and he's the only one around I can do this with at the moment. I absolutely feel more confident and sexy and in my own body, and this is a feeling I had lost a long time ago and am really glad to see again for myself, nothing to do with H. In fact, I feel more confident about getting back out there in the dating game eventually because of it, proving to MYSELF I still have it in me. To me, it is basically a GAL activity. But I know a lot of people would not see it that way and that's cool too. Just another area where we all have to figure out what is right for ourselves.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
