But, she wants to date non committal men to see help her heal ( can someone explain WTH that means?)
That means she wants to sleep with other people...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
But, she wants to date non committal men to see help her heal ( can someone explain WTH that means?)
That means she wants to sleep with other people...
Maybe, we just dont know. Have you ever been on dates where you didnt sleep with the other person? But, I am definitely reading what she wants to do. I am preparing for it... File separation, then file divorce if this is what she wants to do. I am accepting letting her go, and accepting divorce.. This site has helped me see the lite.. But, on the flip side, I would reconcile if she decides not to date, and decides to reconcile ( with all the proper signs saying she is willing too, if that makes sense)
But, she wants to date non committal men to see help her heal ( can someone explain WTH that means?)
That means she wants to sleep with other people...
Maybe, we just dont know. Have you ever been on dates where you didnt sleep with the other person? But, I am definitely reading what she wants to do. I am preparing for it... File separation, then file divorce if this is what she wants to do. I am accepting letting her go, and accepting divorce.. This site has helped me see the lite.. But, on the flip side, I would reconcile if she decides not to date, and decides to reconcile ( with all the proper signs saying she is willing too, if that makes sense)
Don't be in denial. mtb is right on here. It is hard to hear. My W was the same way in our sitch. A friend of mine who had had an affair and be WW herself in the past told me flat out: "Steve, she wants to screw other guys." Not something any H wants to hear.
DB your tail off and you might be able to turn around. Key word: might.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Such good posts.. Thnx guys.. I am going o go out on a limb and say, just maybe, you dont know why my wife would say that... Denial is easy to say as a arm chair quarterback on Monday. I know why women date, to get their emotional fix in first, then physical, to put it lightly. Maybe, just maybe she is trying to get her self feeling better about herself after years of depression and uncertainty in our relationship. But, I am already prepared... Trust me. I will be a gentlemen about it, if it happens..to her..I am in no need fo rconflict or depression anymore.
Such good posts.. Thnx guys.. I am going o go out on a limb and say, just maybe, you dont know why my wife would say that... Denial is easy to say as a arm chair quarterback on Monday. I know why women date, to get their emotional fix in first, then physical, to put it lightly. Maybe, just maybe she is trying to get her self feeling better about herself after years of depression and uncertainty in our relationship. But, I am already prepared... Trust me. I will be a gentlemen about it, if it happens..to her..I am in no need fo rconflict or depression anymore.
Steve, you asked the question. mtb answered it. We've seen a lot of WWs come through here, and EAs and PAs are almost always part of the equation. You've already said in your first post she had an EA. Very few people I know have an EA that they don't at least WANT to turn into a PA.
Maybe you are right and your W is in the .00001% that is an exception. I doubt it, but maybe.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I do appreciate the straight talk here. When she showed me all of her EA stuff, even after I looked at one part of it, it wasnt what I expected an EA to be.. Very vanilla. No sex, no nothing from her. Very lady like. But, he was very much a predator to me as I saw what he was doing. He was catering to her feeling positive, from education to career success. He has the highest of educational degrees from one of the top colleges in the the US. He is very smart, and well spoken. He did cross the line a couple times, and she immediately shut him down. He did ask to meet up, but in another state, she shot him down.. If a woman was hitting on me like this, and I was in her state of mind, I would have been weak and went.. She didnt.. Maybe she is that .00001% woman, maybe not. But, until crap hits the fan, I will just wait and see what happens once separation paperwork is actually signed. As of right now, its in lawyers hands drafting up what we both agreed upon. And, she has clearly stated, she doesnt want a divorce, but she needs the separation to fully feel the loss of me in her life. She is 99% financially on her own, the 1% is nothing right now. She and I have been floating or 3 years total on doing anything. She works 6 to days a week, lives with my daughter, and two of my daughters friends we took in.. Kids that just need help.. So, not everyone is promiscuous, some need genuine healing before getting involved with another person. After her frist marriage, she went 13 years, then she and I married. And after her first divorce, she dated one guy for a short period of time while she raised her daughter, by herself, had 3 different jobs and got a career going at a state college. Hard working type A.. Solid lady... If our marriage does dissolve, than, so be it.. I wont give up till it is final.
I do appreciate the straight talk here. When she showed me all of her EA stuff, even after I looked at one part of it, it wasnt what I expected an EA to be.. Very vanilla. No sex, no nothing from her. Very lady like. But, he was very much a predator to me as I saw what he was doing. He was catering to her feeling positive, from education to career success. He has the highest of educational degrees from one of the top colleges in the the US. He is very smart, and well spoken. He did cross the line a couple times, and she immediately shut him down. He did ask to meet up, but in another state, she shot him down.. If a woman was hitting on me like this, and I was in her state of mind, I would have been weak and went.. She didnt.. Maybe she is that .00001% woman, maybe not. But, until crap hits the fan, I will just wait and see what happens once separation paperwork is actually signed. As of right now, its in lawyers hands drafting up what we both agreed upon. And, she has clearly stated, she doesnt want a divorce, but she needs the separation to fully feel the loss of me in her life. She is 99% financially on her own, the 1% is nothing right now. She and I have been floating or 3 years total on doing anything. She works 6 to days a week, lives with my daughter, and two of my daughters friends we took in.. Kids that just need help.. So, not everyone is promiscuous, some need genuine healing before getting involved with another person. After her frist marriage, she went 13 years, then she and I married. And after her first divorce, she dated one guy for a short period of time while she raised her daughter, by herself, had 3 different jobs and got a career going at a state college. Hard working type A.. Solid lady... If our marriage does dissolve, than, so be it.. I wont give up till it is final.
Okay let's take the sleeping with another dude off the table, for the sake of argument. So you would still be okay with her dating?
Also, I am questioning this: "Solid lady..." We all romanticize how wonderful our WAS was/is. Yeah, a solid lady doesn't keep inappropriate messages going (by the way, my W "showed" me things too....conveniently having deleted what she didn't want me to see). So I am not even buying what she showed you. So she has inappropriate messages from another guy, told you she wants to date. And you still think she is a "Solid lady..."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I do appreciate the straight talk here. When she showed me all of her EA stuff, even after I looked at one part of it, it wasnt what I expected an EA to be.. Very vanilla. No sex, no nothing from her. Very lady like. But, he was very much a predator to me as I saw what he was doing. He was catering to her feeling positive, from education to career success. He has the highest of educational degrees from one of the top colleges in the the US. He is very smart, and well spoken. He did cross the line a couple times, and she immediately shut him down. He did ask to meet up, but in another state, she shot him down.. If a woman was hitting on me like this, and I was in her state of mind, I would have been weak and went.. She didnt.. Maybe she is that .00001% woman, maybe not. But, until crap hits the fan, I will just wait and see what happens once separation paperwork is actually signed. As of right now, its in lawyers hands drafting up what we both agreed upon. And, she has clearly stated, she doesnt want a divorce, but she needs the separation to fully feel the loss of me in her life. She is 99% financially on her own, the 1% is nothing right now. She and I have been floating or 3 years total on doing anything. She works 6 to days a week, lives with my daughter, and two of my daughters friends we took in.. Kids that just need help.. So, not everyone is promiscuous, some need genuine healing before getting involved with another person. After her frist marriage, she went 13 years, then she and I married. And after her first divorce, she dated one guy for a short period of time while she raised her daughter, by herself, had 3 different jobs and got a career going at a state college. Hard working type A.. Solid lady... If our marriage does dissolve, than, so be it.. I wont give up till it is final.
Okay let's take the sleeping with another dude off the table, for the sake of argument. So you would still be okay with her dating?
Also, I am questioning this: "Solid lady..." We all romanticize how wonderful our WAS was/is. Yeah, a solid lady doesn't keep inappropriate messages going (by the way, my W "showed" me things too....conveniently having deleted what she didn't want me to see). So I am not even buying what she showed you. So she has inappropriate messages from another guy, told you she wants to date. And you still think she is a "Solid lady..."
If she starts dating, I would file for divorce, and let her know.. Dating is more for emotional attraction and such. Men are more into physical than women... And, I looked at her threads/messaging etc with him, and archives, before she showed me, to see if she was going to show me the truth.. If that says anything. Granted it was Facebook, but she showed me her texts were all gone, including, name, number etc. She did say, that when he was confronted by me via Facebook, his reaction was bad, I forgot the words she used, but said it showed was his intent really was and his character came out. Then she said, she could care less about him and blamed it on her heart being so numb.. She spoke to me about everything for 3 hours..I asked questions, she answered. Thats all I could do or expect after an EA.. I know my situation is ending, and hope is slim.. I get it.. Sometimes, good things do happen. I am mentally exhausted at the constant analyzing, but am moving forward and GAL.. This forum does help significantly..
I do appreciate the straight talk here. When she showed me all of her EA stuff, even after I looked at one part of it, it wasnt what I expected an EA to be.. Very vanilla. No sex, no nothing from her. Very lady like. But, he was very much a predator to me as I saw what he was doing. He was catering to her feeling positive, from education to career success. He has the highest of educational degrees from one of the top colleges in the the US. He is very smart, and well spoken. He did cross the line a couple times, and she immediately shut him down. He did ask to meet up, but in another state, she shot him down.. If a woman was hitting on me like this, and I was in her state of mind, I would have been weak and went.. She didnt.. Maybe she is that .00001% woman, maybe not. But, until crap hits the fan, I will just wait and see what happens once separation paperwork is actually signed. As of right now, its in lawyers hands drafting up what we both agreed upon. And, she has clearly stated, she doesnt want a divorce, but she needs the separation to fully feel the loss of me in her life. She is 99% financially on her own, the 1% is nothing right now. She and I have been floating or 3 years total on doing anything. She works 6 to days a week, lives with my daughter, and two of my daughters friends we took in.. Kids that just need help.. So, not everyone is promiscuous, some need genuine healing before getting involved with another person. After her frist marriage, she went 13 years, then she and I married. And after her first divorce, she dated one guy for a short period of time while she raised her daughter, by herself, had 3 different jobs and got a career going at a state college. Hard working type A.. Solid lady... If our marriage does dissolve, than, so be it.. I wont give up till it is final.
Okay let's take the sleeping with another dude off the table, for the sake of argument. So you would still be okay with her dating?
Also, I am questioning this: "Solid lady..." We all romanticize how wonderful our WAS was/is. Yeah, a solid lady doesn't keep inappropriate messages going (by the way, my W "showed" me things too....conveniently having deleted what she didn't want me to see). So I am not even buying what she showed you. So she has inappropriate messages from another guy, told you she wants to date. And you still think she is a "Solid lady..."
If she starts dating, I would file for divorce, and let her know.. Dating is more for emotional attraction and such. Men are more into physical than women... And, I looked at her threads/messaging etc with him, and archives, before she showed me, to see if she was going to show me the truth.. If that says anything. Granted it was Facebook, but she showed me her texts were all gone, including, name, number etc. She did say, that when he was confronted by me via Facebook, his reaction was bad, I forgot the words she used, but said it showed was his intent really was and his character came out. Then she said, she could care less about him and blamed it on her heart being so numb.. She spoke to me about everything for 3 hours..I asked questions, she answered. Thats all I could do or expect after an EA.. I know my situation is ending, and hope is slim.. I get it.. Sometimes, good things do happen. I am mentally exhausted at the constant analyzing, but am moving forward and GAL.. This forum does help significantly..
Just keep working. It gets better. The harder you work at DBing, the better it will get.
Remember, believe nothing she says.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
