But, she wants to date non committal men to see help her heal Were you being sarcastic about the getting to know you during lunches etc.
Not at all. Dating other men is of course dangerous, physicality or no. My ex-wife was living with someone and in a long-term relationship when I met here. I'm sure me spending many afternoons and evenings with her and being open to dating made her decision to leave him and actually begin dating me easier.
Originally Posted by Steve40
And the first bomb drop in May 19 that shell shocked you, what was it?
It's all good and in the past now. May'19 my ex and I separated. I built myself up to win her back, and got to exclusively dating and spending 50% time together.. but she wasn't ready for a longer commitment AND still had her bad habits. In Nov'19 I moved on and Jan'20 I have a new girlfriend.
Hey, I am trying to find any data, thread that Sand or anyone spoke of in regards to a WW (wayward wife or walkaway wife) who left not for an affair. I know Sandi talked of it in a series of threads starting with the first, but I couldnt find any more writing on it about the different approaches to dealing with the wife, LBH etc. My wife walked away from me, and sometimes I have emotional hiccups and show my vulnerability. She has seen the changes in me for sometime, in my character. She has mentioned it many times and says she really enjoys my company again. But, she is not ready to let her wall down and come back... I am in IC and she will be soon, according to her. We had no affairs, it was just a falling out over years of miscommunication and in the beginning, my toxicity with raising the oldest ( her biological daughter who hated me from the git go at age 15 when her mom and I married), to online relief for lack of intimacy.. Lots of trust and such went down hill. I did find out one thing she never got over. She gave up a very good career to be with me and allow me to finish my career overseas. I cant believe I was that insensitive. I never fully appreciated that and let her know. So, we are separated for 4 months now, getting along well, but not really moving forward? She does say things like, if we ever get back together, she does ask me about the past and such to get closure?
You'll get people here saying don't believe she's not having an affair. Most of them were burned by a spouse who was and their opinions can be a bit skewed. I have the same issue you do. My H and I have been separated for a lot of the same reasons and he never had an affair despite having the freedom and opportunity to. Mine went so far as to file for D. He hasn't finalized it or taken any steps to despite being able to now.
Your situation sounds promising for R. When you get the first response from a moderator with a bunch of thread links, read them. I didn't at first and I wish I had sooner. There are a lot of game changer type wisdom sprinkled in there. Good luck.
Newbie20. Thnx. There are allot of people who have affairs. I have known my wife for 30 years, 15 married.. I just knew her as an acquaintance, friend, nothing more during the first 10 years as I was in the Navy and was stationed in the same town as where she lived. She has never been promiscuous type.. I knew her before and of course being married to her, she is very much a lady.. But, I hurt her, and she left me with my daughters. But we see each other allot considering, and she doesnt hide her phone calls, text messages, shows them to me I guess to ensure the trust is there.. We spend time at her Mom n Dads, do holidays, B days etc etc. If she is having an Affair, her Mom would have said, as she tends to let things out and is my wifes best friend. But, you never know... I just as soon not try to analyze something I cant answer. We communicate real well now, something we never did before. We talk about everything from intimacy issues we had to raising the girls... Wish we had this type of communication early on. Ground work for going forward is much better. But, her heart is hardened and she doesnt want to let that down, as she says she has no control over it. She is fearful of being vulnerable again.. To anyone..
That will pass. You can short circuit the process by following the DB rules, such as distancing yourself, not allowing her to disrespect you (a big one!) and at least making an effort to appear to be going on with your life. I know, it's ridiculously hard to do. I hated it when people said, "work on yourself" and I still get annoyed when I hear that. You don't have to turn into someone she wouldn't recognize but do whatever you have to do to distract yourself and not pursue her. Make her feel the loss of you as an intimate confidante. From what I see, a lot of them when confronted with the reality of what they are doing snap out of it. Some don't. Probably depends on the degree of fantasy life they are living. Fortunately, you are not dealing with that.
I have been working on myself for some time. Clothing, lite gym work ( busted knees at work, makes some things difficult), counseling, thinking more positive daily, enjoying my kids and grand kids without her, traveling road trips with one of my daughters monthly, self counseling on bettering myself... Cant do anything about balding, lol.. I just shaved it off years ago, which she liked.. So many things to become positive.. I am going to start getting out of the house more, even though I travel for work once in a while.. Live...
She says it has built up over a few years. All the things she brought up I can link back to my mental state at the time, which I have been working on and have made lots of progress over the past 4/5 months.
I am struggling with the GAL but I guess it is still pretty raw but I know I need to just do it and give her the space she needs.
Getting a life is easier than some think. Leave the house, start at the mall. Grocery shopping, test colognes at the mall. Take an Uber, go downtown, walk around, have a drink in a bar/cafe. Go eat new foods. Walk the parks, fly a kite. Just dont dwell.. Enjoy life
Been reading intensely the Help for LBH who has a WW by sandi, etc. Holy cow. What an eye opener. Some posts are heart piercing. I see allot of hope, education and stuff that should have been brought up well before the marriage ever takes place. Marriage is a relationship one needs to constantly work on, never take a back seat too. The other person , as well as you, need to communicate.. Dont hold anything back.
