You know, G, not everyone loves to travel and I saw some profiles when I was OLD who seemed kind of braggy about their traveling. Like look what I can afford to do. I’ve never really had the travel bug and being single most of my adult life, I had plenty of time and could afford to but it just isn’t my thing. I say all that to say that just because you don’t or can’t or whatever doesn’t make you less interesting than those who do. You just have different hobbies and interests to fill your time with.
I’m so sorry you are having a rough time. I really hate it for you. Like ur, I’m convinced there is someone out there for you. You mentioned missing M, but do you really miss M or is it more the idea of who you thought he actually was in the beginning? For whatever his issues were, his breaking up and telling you “something was missing” was NOT about you but about him and his own warped sense of self. I dare say that the fact that he knew you had heard that before and been crushed by it makes me wonder if he used it because he knew it would likely keep you from coming back around so that he had to face you again and honestly deal with all his crap.
I’m just going to put this out there for whatever it is worth. You are a grown woman so I’m not telling you what to do and you will make the decision that you think is best for you. Having said all that, I don’t know if you are ready to date yet. As Don pointed out, you were already starting to fall back into your old pattern where you were just totally done with vanilla dude but then we he popped back up and asked if y’all were still on go for a date Friday, you made excuses about why it would be ok to go. YOU ARE WORRH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!!!
Last edited by job; 01/26/2010:44 PM. Reason: edited a word for Dawn
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
You are right. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. I need to stop that ASAP. It is feeling a little desperate and I don’t like that. I need to take a deep breath and just go about my business. I feel like I am looking for a job and. It shouldn’t be that way.
I actually do have a date Tuesday night. He even called me on the phone! And we clicked really well. The on paper stuff that are the details are almost like god finally dropped a guy on my lap. He’s 51, divorced, in the town over where all my ex’s live, lol ( it’s a large town) he is a teacher. He is divorced. 2 sons, 17 and 19 ( perfect ages) and he married a Filipino, so his kids are half Filipino and I’ve always wanted to date one because I love the culture. But even better, he himself , is a Jew! ( makes my mom in heaven happy) he’s a foodie as I am. Our senses of humor match perfectly. He’s super cute. And he was worried because he is 5’8” and that’s a dealbreaker for some women on online dating, but it is actually the perfect height for me. He’s flirty, but Im a cute way, not in a rude turn off way.
I’m looking forward to this date. He picked a great place i know For a drink. I’m really looking forward to it. Not getting my hopes up, but I haven’t been excited for a date in a while. I was scared I was just kind of dead inside there for a while. It may be a total flop the date. But I don’t think so because the phone convo was great. Something to look forward to anyways.
Dawn, I don’t think I miss M himself. I miss the familiarity. I miss everything around him I think not him him so to say. And I do agree, what was missing was in him and less to do with me and more to do with him. I still find it sad it didn’t work out but I know it’s for the best.
Maybe I’m not ready to date. I don’t know. I do need to un learn some old habits. I don’t even realize I’m doing it . It’s in my nature to give people the benefit of the doubt and I need to stop. I need to see things for face value, that’s for sure.
I already found some negative on this guy I’m having a date with. He got divorced in the beginning of 2019. My friend is doing some sleuthing for me. So it’s kind of new for him. I guess I’ll see more abut that story. I think it’s a good divorce though, which is good.
Ginger... I am super happy to hear about your date. I wouldn’t worry too much about the divorce date if I were you. Some people are five years post divorce and not over it. Some people are over it before it even happens. It’s a process and the time it takes is different for everyone. In my sitch, I struggled in the beginning but once I accepted it was over and got to a place in my mind that I was okay with it, I moved on pretty quickly. I think you will be able to tell where he is at once the topic of past relationships comes up as it always does eventually. If he speaks about it in neutral tones and doesn’t seem to harbour any intense feelings around it, that’s a pretty good sign. If he sounds resentful or has any intense feelings (good or bad), that indicates he may still have some work to do. I’ve noticed that about myself. When people ask me about my divorce, I don’t say too much about it and I tell people that we are great co-parents. That wasn’t always the case so I know I am pretty much over it. The good news is your friend found out he was actually divorced and not married and looking for a girlfriend...lol. That’s a plus.
Re: the height thing. I’m a tall girl and sadly, it does matter to me. I find that I’m just not attracted to guys who are more than an inch shorter than me. We have to be pretty close in height cause otherwise I just feel too big around him and that decreases the attraction level. I have friends who are 5’4” and under (one under 5’) who refuse to date anyone under 6’. I think they are nuts. If I was that height, I would love it cause I could date almost anyone and they would be taller than me. Super lame of me to limit myself that way but it has nothing to do with the guys and everything to do with how I feel when I am with them. When I was in junior high (after Brook and I broke up), I tried “dating” a boy who was about six inches shorter than me. It lasted a day. I just couldn’t do it....lol. My apologies to the great guys out there who are on the shorter side.
I'm happy for you that you have a date. Just go in with low expectations and make him work for it. Don't build him up too much just yet, but I think it is great that you are excited and looking forward to it.
To Deja's point about height. I get what she's saying, since I'm 5'11", but it has always been my experience that if I click with someone, I don't seem to notice height as much. My XH was shorter than me by a couple of inches and Sparky is actually about 4 inches taller than me. I prefer taller, but shorter wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, if everything else was clicking.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Well, tonight is the night. He’s been smart and we kept the texting very light which is how it should be before the first date. One text exchange yesterday morning and then last night when I was sleeping he sent me a simple, “just got home from playing tennis, gonna jump in the shower and I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night”
No expectations, no build up in my head and I decided to not go crazy over the freshly divorced thing. My daughter did inform me she is coming home tonight after her uncles birthday dinner. She said she told me this but I must have misunderstood. So I have to cut the date off at a certain time which might be for the better.
