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A Message from Michele
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Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881263
01/18/20 03:19 PM
01/18/20 03:19 PM
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LH19 Offline
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O,

I suggest you cancel the talk tonight because you have plans. No chance she’s having second thoughts, regrets or how selfish she’s being. This is going to take a really long time to play out.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881285
01/18/20 07:10 PM
01/18/20 07:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 96
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OS2 Offline OP
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I told her that I was available today so let her come over.

BD#2. W had an abortion early Jan which was from the A. Caught early so fortunately a minor procedure but still very difficult to go through which she did alone. She said she was reluctant to break off contact with OM because only the 2 of them knew and she wanted the option of that support. Said she wants me to know everything so she can come back and start again. She still has OM on messaging but said now I know she will finally end all contact. Calmly made it clear how unimpressed I was with that and told her there is no chance of a R without ending all contact. None of this situation feels real TBH. She would like to move back in when I’m away. Regardless of where we are I think it’s better to have W home. She commented how she is back to being the chaser and I’m out with a social life while she’s moping at home.

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881290
01/18/20 07:40 PM
01/18/20 07:40 PM
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Posts: 5,976
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LH19 Offline
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I can't stress enough how she should not be coming home right now! She's manipulating you right now if you don't act with strength you will suffer immensely.

Trust your gut it is not real.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Help with WW [Re: LH19] #2881295
01/18/20 09:04 PM
01/18/20 09:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 96
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OS2 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
I can't stress enough how she should not be coming home right now! She's manipulating you right now if you don't act with strength you will suffer immensely.

Trust your gut it is not real.

Why would she tell me about the ab or want to come home if she doesn’t really want to try and reconcile?

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881296
01/18/20 09:07 PM
01/18/20 09:07 PM
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Jac12 Offline
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I agree with LH...You JUST found out she had an abortion with the OM and still has him on messaging.

You are going to have deal with the emotions that go along with knowing this and seeing her everyday while you process things is going to be difficult. As well, she still has to come a long way to really prove that she wants you in her life. I know she SAYS this but her ACTIONS aren't yet fully supportive of this...yet.

I highly recommend standing some ground and tell her that YOU need time to process everything and coming home right now isn't the best idea.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881297
01/18/20 09:11 PM
01/18/20 09:11 PM
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Jac12 Offline
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Originally Posted by OS2
Originally Posted by LH19
I can't stress enough how she should not be coming home right now! She's manipulating you right now if you don't act with strength you will suffer immensely.

Trust your gut it is not real.

Why would she tell me about the ab or want to come home if she doesn’t really want to try and reconcile?


Maybe she doesn't want to live with the guilt. Maybe she needs more financial support. Maybe she misses you. Maybe she wants a future with you.

It could be many things but again her ACTIONS need to line up fully and I think it's only fair that YOU need some time to process things because she has made some really bad decisions. If she can't give you some time then how serious is she? Sounds to me like maybe more selfish than understanding. You're going to know for the rest of your life that she had an abortion due to her relations with another man while you were still married. That won't be easy.

At the very least OS2 I would recommend telling her now just isn't the best time but you appreciate her sharing and you need to process everything.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881298
01/18/20 09:14 PM
01/18/20 09:14 PM
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Posts: 309
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Jac12 Offline
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Also - go back and read your entire thread. It will be easy because you only came here less than a month ago. With everything that's happened in this short time I think you'd be crazy to have her move back in. Way too easy.

You'll find lots of answers there from LH, job and others.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881299
01/18/20 09:17 PM
01/18/20 09:17 PM
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Posts: 5,976
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LH19 Offline
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Remember in the movie Braveheart when the enemy was charging and he was yelling “HOLD”. That’s what you need to do.

She just told you she got impregnated by another dude and you want to fuching roll out the red carpet. Does that sound like a strong man or a weak man?

What is likely to happen is she’ll move back in keep seeing the other dude and next thing you know you’ll be out of the house.

She HAS to EARN another chance with you!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Help with WW [Re: LH19] #2881310
01/18/20 10:30 PM
01/18/20 10:30 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 96
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OS2 Offline OP
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OS2  Offline OP
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Posts: 96
Originally Posted by LH19
She HAS to EARN another chance with you!


Honest question - what does she need to do to earn it? Obv 0 contact with OM. What else would you be looking for from her? It gets said often on here but if she’s really sorry, is showing affection and wants to communicate I’m not sure what more she could be doing. I’m not sure there are any quick fixes with trust.

Reading through this whole thread so many times I’ve not known the whole story and can piece everything together by reading back. W said tonight I now know everything. I hope that’s true.

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881321
01/19/20 12:55 AM
01/19/20 12:55 AM
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Jac12 Offline
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Some time to show consistency on her part. Is she willing to put in the work to build the trust back that she destroyed...while living somewhere else.

If you live together it'll be too easy to let things slide back to how they were.

Plus...if she comes back too easily she'll be more likely to do this again in the future.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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