So in doing the 180 I told WW that if she is golng to start dating again then I would no longer invite her on trips out with my kids. I told her it's disrespectful of her to play happy families and keep company with me when she doesn't want me in her life anymore. She didn't like it and told me don't you think the girls would want their mom with them. I stood my ground and told her she can't be seeing other men and hanging out with me and my kids. That goes for vacations too.
That's fine but be careful that you don't cross over the line into using the kids against her. I completely understand not wanting to have shared vacations, but when you say things like "she can't be seeing other men and hanging out with me and my kids" they are her kids too and whether she's dating or not the kids need her and need their time with her as well as time with you. Don't deprive them of their mother no matter how you're feeling about things. Unless of course there's some kind of abuse, violence or exposure to drugs taking place.
We had relatives stay with us for a while and it wasn't an option for me as she dropped the bomb then. I didn't want to create a huge scene. This is before I discovered the DB forum.
Are you willing to take it back? Since she is cheating on you I would not only suggest going back to the MBR but letting her know she is no longer welcome in it until she proves she is not sleeping with OM.
Unfortunately the time has passed for this as we have designated private areas with the MBR being hers and the downstairs bedroom being where I sleep.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by Drh2001
So in doing the 180 I told WW that if she is golng to start dating again then I would no longer invite her on trips out with my kids. I told her it's disrespectful of her to play happy families and keep company with me when she doesn't want me in her life anymore. She didn't like it and told me don't you think the girls would want their mom with them. I stood my ground and told her she can't be seeing other men and hanging out with me and my kids. That goes for vacations too.
That's fine but be careful that you don't cross over the line into using the kids against her. I completely understand not wanting to have shared vacations, but when you say things like "she can't be seeing other men and hanging out with me and my kids" they are her kids too and whether she's dating or not the kids need her and need their time with her as well as time with you. Don't deprive them of their mother no matter how you're feeling about things. Unless of course there's some kind of abuse, violence or exposure to drugs taking place.
I will definitely bear that in mind. She is always free to take the kids out and spend time with them - just not with me - but I will take your advice.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/05/2002:25 PM. Reason: combine posts
Good job. Less words is always better. Don't be rude or bitter sounding. Keep it business.
If she gets to barking at you then just exit the room, house, or situation.
What are you 180s and how are you progressing on them?
My 180s are detachment, email only communication about the kids / finances, no longer initiating R talk. I need to learn to shut up and walk away and not prolong a conversation she initiates.
We had relatives stay with us for a while and it wasn't an option for me as she dropped the bomb then. I didn't want to create a huge scene. This is before I discovered the DB forum.
Are you willing to take it back? Since she is cheating on you I would not only suggest going back to the MBR but letting her know she is no longer welcome in it until she proves she is not sleeping with OM.
Unfortunately the time has passed for this as we have designated private areas with the MBR being hers and the downstairs bedroom being where I sleep.
Is that the old Drh talking? Or the new and improved Drh talking?
Think about it, what would your W think if you went home tonight and took back the MBR? Would she be angry? Probably. Would she pitch a fit? Probably. Would she protest vehemently? Absolutely.
But she'd also see a man that is standing up for himself. Commanding respect. That was cheated on and eventually said "I am not the one at fault here, you are, so YOU should sleep in the basement!"
Just a thought.
P.S. What have you got to lose?
Last edited by Cadet; 02/05/2002:27 PM. Reason: combine posts
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If I had found the forum in time I could have done this but it's part of the inhouse separation agreement. And because she is a WW she could act rashly or do something that causes me great harm.
I will definitely bear that in mind. She is always free to take the kids out and spend time with them - just not with me - but I will take your advice.
Good, and to be clear I am in complete agreement that you should avoid "family" outings with her. And I'm also not saying to force her to spend time with the kids. Just don't stand in her way if she chooses to.
It's been about 4 weeks since I started doing 180s and GAL. I keep communication outside the house to email only and only concerning kids/finances.
Yesterday when I got home, WW wanted to talk to me about her job and the ppl she worked with. She seemed interested in talking to me. I was polite but instead of talking a lot I took the advice given here to keep my words few.
Usually when I talk to WW, it's selfishly one-sided from her - she has zero to little interest in anything I have to say about my day or my interests and this was the first time I decided not to talk about myself.
Without reading anything into this, I guess this is part of the detachment effect of pulling away?
We had a blazing row last night. WW said she didn't know if she could commit to the separation agreement beacause, in her own words, "what if I fall in love?"
I told her we signed an agreement, that she would get a better job and buy me out the house, and the ink has hardly dried before she starts coming up with reasons not to honor it.
Then she said she wants to be able to bring her new partner to the house to meet our kids. I said this is not in the agreement and I won't permit a strange man to come to the house while I am living here.
She then told me she didn't cheat on me that time in November and I told her she did, that we are still married and live at the same address and she can call it anything she wants - she cheated on me.
WW is completely delusional. I am fully prepared to expose her to her family if she defaults on the agreement. She hasn't told anyone yet.
I admit I should have just walked away instead of engaging in a shouting match.
