Still married couple from Scandinavia

[BenB]

Journal -

My birthday was December 14. Stbxw was the first one to message me and congratulate -

W: Happy birthday! (5 different emojis, birthday cake, flowers, balloon etc) Wish I could celebrate with you Hope you´ll have a wonderful day with lots of fun and joy <3

Me: Thank you very much

Honestly, I didn´t know what else to answer. I have days when I miss her still of course but it´s easy to remind myself that she doesn´t know what she wants. And I´m not going to wait around for her to figure that out while I´m being disrespected. Before she moved out, every time I showed even the slightest interest, she would become distant again.

My birthday could have been better. I had a wisdom tooth pulled out the day before and didn´t know that my face would swell up like it did so was a bit awkward meeting my friends. I´ve had one removed before but from the upper jaw which I understand now is a lot less painful. Only now am I starting to look normal again.

The only link between me and stbxw left now is that she needs to return the keys for the apartment I got for her and for her to pick up some boxes I have at my place. haven´t heard from her on either of those things yet. The keys need to be returned before end of this months so not sure what´s taking her so long.

Then of course we are still married until earliest April 10.

Tomorrow I go to Athens for my final show of the year and then holiday for me! Working in the entertainment industry means hardly any days without getting hundreds of emails which is why I love Christmas. The only time of the year where Americans don´t send you emails for around two weeks, sometimes longer

[LH19]

Benny B Happy belated birthday! Yep keep moving forward! Don’t fall for the crumbs. If she figures her $hit out and your available you will consider under YOUR conditions. If not you’ll find someone better. Guaranteed!

Take care man!

[AnotherStander]

Happy Birthday Ben!!!! Sorry about the wisdom tooth, I only had two, one on top and one diagonally from it on bottom. Had both removed at the same time and didn't have any issues, but from talking to others over the years there's a wide variety of side effects that can crop up like yours! Glad to hear you are doing better.

Stbxw was the first one to message me and congratulate -

W: Happy birthday! (5 different emojis, birthday cake, flowers, balloon etc) Wish I could celebrate with you Hope you´ll have a wonderful day with lots of fun and joy <3

She is the queen of temperature checks, that's for sure!

Me: Thank you very much

Honestly, I didn´t know what else to answer.

No more needed, that was a good response.

I have days when I miss her still of course but it´s easy to remind myself that she doesn´t know what she wants. And I´m not going to wait around for her to figure that out while I´m being disrespected. Before she moved out, every time I showed even the slightest interest, she would become distant again.

It's definitely normal to miss her, but it's good that you are able to miss her without feeling the need to temp check her. You are right, she's got to figure things out on her own and if you reach out she will distance again.

Enjoy your holiday break! I'm taking off next week and half the following, definitely looking forward to it

[BenB]

Thanks LH! Thanks AS!

Have a great holiday!

[job]

Happy Belated Birthday!

[BenB]

Man I´ve been feeling down for a while lately. I was doing quite well for a while but there´s a feeling of loneliness that I can´t shake off lately

I have some of the best GAL opportunities anyone could ask for and it most definitely helps to travel the way I do. But when I´m home again and it´s just me, I often feel lonely. Not quite sad but not happy either. I feel a huge responsibility for my dog and have to make sure he´s had his exercise. If I don´t, if I feel he´s been bored, it stresses me so I have to make sure he´s happy when I´m with him.

I have plenty of things planned. This weekend for example I´m travelling to Copenhagen with a friend, we managed to secure a reservation at a restaurant that´s very difficult to book. I know that will be fun of course but after that, when I come home on Sunday and pick up my dog, we go home and we´re just alone again...it just feels so lonely.

Dating hasn´t gone well at all. Besides the two girls I met a few times I also met a third girl who turned out to be very unstable, stalker warning is a good way of describing her so I ended it quickly. So far I haven´t met a single girl of the ones I´ve actually felt really attracted to. If we match, they either don´t write or answer when I write and when we do chat a bit they stop writing after a while. I know the best way to meet someone would be IRL but all my friends I used to go out with have kids now. At the moment, I´m not sure how I´m going to meet my next relationship. I know I won´t be single forever, I just can´t picture who that person will be since online dating seems to be way more difficult than I expected.

I´ve made plans with friends but they´re all months from now because that´s how we need to do it these days. A weekend in April etc etc.

Haven´t heard from STBXW at all with the exception of her letting me know she returned the keys for the rental apartment a few weeks ago. Plenty of her boxes are still here and she was supposed to pick them up this month so we´ll see if that happens.

I spent Christmas with my family but decided to just stay home for NYE with my dog. I thought it would be ok but never doing that again. I knew this would be the first NYE spent without W in 10 years but I also realized that this would be the first time ever I´m alone. At midnight I could hear all the neighbours so yeah, not a good idea. Next year I´ll make plans for sure.

Anyway, just venting here and not expecting any advice. I know what I have to do and all. I haven´t stopped working out and I still eat a healthy diet so I look great. Would just be nice to have more to do besides work and taking care of my dog.

And thanks Job!

[BenB]

Just as a wrote that I wake up this morning to an email from W. As I wrote earlier one of her best friends has a cocaine addiction which I became aware of in the beginning of November which was the last time I spent time with W.

W: Hi,

happy new year, hope you had fun:)

I myself was going to be with X(her friend), but guess who didn't show up?
So I was sitting ready home alone waiting for her all evening, but she never came..
Hopefully she will get some help soon..

Anyway!

Can you wire me 2000 SEK? I got a bill I had to pay, and money wasn't enough this month.

(for anyone who isn´t familiar with my sitch, I have an agreement to pay her a certain amount if we were to separate so the money she is asking for is her money)

Me:

Thank you and happy new year !

Is she ok now? Have you seen or spoken to her since? I am so sorry to hear this and that you had to be alone. I see she always watches my instastories and likes my pictures so I hoped that was a sign she's doing better.

For NYE I was just home alone with the pug. "owner 1" had to go to Russia until mid January and "owner 2" was away as well and I wanted pug to be safe and have fun so I just decided to make good food for him and buy some new toys.

Of course, I just wired you 2000.

(I share my dog with two others who used to be a couple but split up, hence why I write owner 1 and 2)

Perhaps I shouldn´t have written that I was home alone or if that was too much information. But she wrote back this -

W:
Yeah. When I tried to call her she switched her phone off, so that was pretty s****y. I was thinking about to call you, but I assumed you wouldn't want that

I didn't answer her for days, because I was so angry and disappointed in her. But she said she was sick, which is 100% not true of course. But what can I do.


This last email was sent just a few minutes ago. Nothing to reply to I guess and sounds like there´s a temp check in there.

[LH19]

B,

Major temp check. Great job not acknowledging it.

Keep being awesome!

[BenB]

Thanks LH! Just so everyone understands, I see the last bit could be confusing but this part below was from W regarding her friend and not me writing it about her -

"I didn't answer her for days, because I was so angry and disappointed in her. But she said she was sick, which is 100% not true of course. But what can I do."

[AnotherStander]

Hey Ben, sounds about like my NYE, I've never been big on celebrating it though, it's just another day to me. I was home with my S, he was playing a video game and I think I was watching a movie with my doggo on my lap. There are worse ways to pass some time than hanging out with your fur pal

I was thinking about to call you, but I assumed you wouldn't want that

Yeah that definitely sounds like a temp check. You did well to ignore it. More will come. I still feel like she's going to want to recon at some point. She's learning to miss you. Whether she's done any work on herself is another matter entirely.