I always tried to make some comment about their profile without trying to come across needy or desperate. Just something to grad their attention that would cause them to look a little deeper. If I couldn't come up with anything then it was a simple hi there, how was your weekend or hi there, how is your week going, etc.
I agree that you will definitely get some responses.
Just be ready for DH to give it to you today for getting back on. Lol!
I kept my promise until after New Years! He can’t say anything! Only “nice work on waiting!”
One guy said something in his profile that really got my attention. “ I’m for someone to share in my life, and I to share in hers” Most guys I date just want me to fit into their lives and couldn’t care about mine. So this definitely got my attention. 49 with a 14 year old son. We shall see if he responds.
One guy I didn’t match with yet had a closet the size of my house. I’d marry him.
Good luck in the OLD world, G. I hope you find what you are looking for. I don't want to come across all Debbie Downer, here, but I want to play devil's advocate for a second. Let me preface my devilish comments with a few positive ones: you are a beautiful woman who comes across as someone who is smart, fun, funny, and can totally handle your own sh!t. You don't NEED a man, but I get that you want one to share your life and who wants to share his with you. Totally get it! I think you are finally starting to realize that you really do deserve better than what you have been settling for in the likes of M and even the make-up artist (at least I think that is what he was, as best I recall) who came after. My hope and prayer for you, in this new round of OLD is that you actually remember and BELIEVE all the positive things about yourself you have been boldly proclaiming here. We all see those things in you and I so wish you truly see those things for yourself and will keep them in mind moving forward.
Now, here's the devil's advocate part: only you can really determine if/when you are ready to get back on the horse, so to speak, and you clearly think now is that time for you. BUT, is it? Do you TRULY feel, think, believe that you deserve better or is your recent deep dive into loneliness and depression driving it more than your rational self? I say all that because my real fear for you is that, while you have been saying all the right things to us on here of late, you do not firmly believe those things for yourself just yet and I do not want you to get lulled in by some guy who talks a good game on the front end but then turns into a dud once you start putting in effort. I don't want you to get into a situation with another M. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are not intelligent and can't pick out game players. I know you can handle yourself. I hate to keep going back to M, but think about him. In the beginning, he said all the right things and presented himself as just what you wanted. As time went on, you became more unhappy with him, but were still putting on a brave face here and making excuses for him (again, I don't mean that negative because we ALL do it), until he broke up with you. I think, in retrospect, you realized awhile before he actually broke up with you that you weren't getting what you wanted and needed, but you couldn't bring yourself to pull the trigger and when he did, you were devastated. Then the make-up guy came along and you started telling us things about how connected y'all felt just from conversations and you seemed to be reeling pretty quickly again. I think your "recovery" time on that one was quick as you realized that he just couldn't or wouldn't make time for you in his world and that is when you started to think about what you really want/need/deserve.
G, honestly, I hope you are not offended by what I'm saying, because I would NEVER want to upset you or offend you. I truly do think you are a fabulous person and I think you deserve an amazing man. I just want you to believe that and go into this round of OLD with a firm grasp on that so that you can avoid getting caught up in the moment and the rush of those ooey gooey feelings when you see someone cute and you have a great conversation. That is a totally natural reaction, mind you, but I just want you to proceed with caution, armed with a grand sense of self and wait for the one who deserves you rather than looking for one who you'll settle for. Be brave, be bold, be your amazing self and REFUSE to settle for less than you deserve.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
On a different note - I just looked at an article on how Bumble works. I'm curious to see what kinds of guys you will find there. Since they have to wait for women to contact them, will it weed out the undesirables (since no one contacts them)? Or will it be filled with shy guys who don't like making the first contact anyway? It sounds like a good idea in theory but I'm just wondering if it skews the selection of men in some way, good or bad?
Also the article I read had this to say" It doesn’t seem to matter how active you (or aren’t) on the app. Even if someone hasn’t logged in for months, their profile will likely still pop up in your Bumble match queue. Matching with infrequent users is a common complaint."
One common error I find is people don't keep that and other factors in mind and kind of take it personally if someone doesn't answer. Maybe that guy wasn't on his phone in the last 24 hours (since bumble apparently has an expiration date?). Maybe he's currently not looking because he has a couple of dates set up, but might be back in a couple of weeks if those dates were disappointing? Maybe he's been inactive for months? It's NOT like regular dating and there's no need to take anything personally at this stage.
Reset your expectations. You're looking for the right guy. Odds are you will have to screen through AT LEAST a couple hundred guys to find that right match, if not much more. Ten is just barely dipping your toe into the water.
If you need help evaluating choices, post their profiles here so we can help you read between the lines.
dawn, you have no offended me in the least. Actually, this exact thing is what has scared me from going back in the dating scene. I absolutely don’t want to let my boundaries slide again and fall into the same trap. I think this time the impact was he’s enough for me not to. The way I felt with M in the last 5 months or so really felt awful. Every time I think I of the time he got mad I wanted to to hang out and he didn’t because I was “interjecting last minute plans in his very busy life and he was looking forward to an 8 pm bedtime” I cringe. I cringe that I let his rationalization of being in this for the long run and not wanting to burn out look past how crappy I felt. I do not want to feel like that ever again. I do not deserve to feel like that, because he was so fortunate to have a great woman who want want to spend some free time with him.
I am actually kind of afraid the pendulum is going to swing the other way. That I am going to tolerate pretty much nothing and become a biotch. Which may actually be good for me, lol.
I just know I can’t be made to feel less than anymore. My ex did it to me on a very different way. But they both made me feel completely unimportant. And I am pretty darn important.
As far as bumble..... I did meet M on there. It’s a weird app. The platform of conversations expiring in 24 hours is kind of dumb, because not everyone logs in every day. I get some weird stuff on there though. Like I was talking to this guy and he asked me how the gym was and I told him I do orange theory and it’s tough but rewarding. He said to me “is this a joke? I’ve never heard of orange theory” I sent him a link of what it was...... and he just deleted me. Ok dude, sorry you don’t like my exercise of choice?
I don’t expect much. I’ve had many many years of bad luck online dating for whatever reason. Even though it ended with M and I, I consider OLD “working” in his regard to have a tear long serious relationship. Well, serious to me anyways.
Got a flat tire on the way to the gym today. Should have stayed home in my PJ’s instead. I need a new tire, it I needed a new one anyways, it was pretty bald. $$$$! I use my ex as a connection for my tires, so it’s better than it could be.
Ahhhh. Dawn, I know I’ll be ok without a man. But who wants to spend their life all alone, sans emotional and physical intimacy without a partner? I’ve spent majority of my last 13 years like that. In my peak too!!! So I’ve lived it, sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but I think it’s pretty normal to want a partner. It’s been long enough. I don’t know many at my age who have been alone as long as I have.
Ahhhh. Dawn, I know I’ll be ok without a man. But who wants to spend their life all alone, sans emotional and physical intimacy without a partner? I’ve spent majority of my last 13 years like that. In my peak too!!! So I’ve lived it, sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but I think it’s pretty normal to want a partner. It’s been long enough. I don’t know many at my age who have been alone as long as I have.
TOTALLY get that you want one. Completely understandable. My point was that you don't need one to handle stuff for you, but you want one to share life experiences with. Now, I get that we are different people, so some might say that is just a matter of semantics, but to me wanting a man and needing a man are 2 entirely different things. Like you, I didn't NEED one because I got this, you know. But, I WANTED one to share my life with. We all know those women who can't pick out a meal without asking a man "I don't know, what do you think?" and my point was that you are NOT one of those. Big difference between need and want in my book. It is like I used to tell my daughters all the time when one would tell me they NEED (in a very whiny and insistent teenager voice, mind you) designer jeans or Converse tennis shoes that while they might NEED a new pair of jeans or a new pair of tennis shoes, their aspirations of those designer brands was a want. I could go to Walmart and buy them a functional pair of jeans or shoes for much less but it wouldn't have the designer label. That is when my children started buying their own clothes. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
