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Standing to Save my Marriage Alone pt 5 #2878315
12/31/19 09:50 PM
12/31/19 09:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 519
HI
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CanBird Offline OP
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CanBird  Offline OP
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previous thread

Welcome to A New Thread.

Last post, the question will H return to the mbr (while his mom visits) was in sitch. H & I did share the bed. It's huge cal king; we both stuck to our own sides. Last time was March; the night of bd. (April- Dec he was away at work/adventures).

I went to the bedroom before him, he was in bed before me. He had wine, asked me where mine was. I got one. We hung out, scrolled the internet, shared articles of interest. I turned out my light first. He did, but was still on his phone, which I could see. Nothing interesting. I'm beyond worring about stuff like that. We're in bed! I want my H. Nothing happened. I did not make any moves, neither did he. I was scared to. I want nothing more than him...lol...he just me.

Looking forward to celebrating the beginning a new year.

Sending good vibes to everyone.

We Can Do This


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away/ wrk)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec Aow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
2gther 4 Covid
April 22 H back to work
Oct 22/20 D FINAL
Before the clock strikes twelve [Re: CanBird] #2878326
01/01/20 12:20 AM
01/01/20 12:20 AM
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Posts: 519
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CanBird Offline OP
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CanBird  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2019
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Journalling~ H has been preping of New Years Eve since yesterday. Cooking, and today for me flowers, & candy. Who is this? We'll see at midnight..lol..

Having a couple with their kiddo over later.

Happy we"re together.


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away/ wrk)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec Aow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
2gther 4 Covid
April 22 H back to work
Oct 22/20 D FINAL
Re: Before the clock strikes twelve [Re: CanBird] #2878329
01/01/20 12:28 AM
01/01/20 12:28 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,698
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,698
Southern Maryland
Happy New Year! May the new year bring you much peace and joy.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Before the clock strikes twelve [Re: CanBird] #2878366
01/01/20 02:27 PM
01/01/20 02:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
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peacetoday Offline
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Happy new Year Can

Enjoy ...things seem to be good with H
Your are doing great and he really seems like he may make the turn back to you
Im rooting for you!


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Before the clock strikes twelve [Re: CanBird] #2878403
01/01/20 08:25 PM
01/01/20 08:25 PM
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Posts: 2,556
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DnJ Offline
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Hello Can

How was midnight?

As to wanting H and nothing happened.

Originally Posted by CanBird
We're in bed! I want my H. Nothing happened. I did not make any moves, neither did he. I was scared to.

Small steps my friend. Small steps. Youíre in the same bed.

Being scared sounds about normal to me. And good for you for not pushing. Remember too much pressure and he will bolt.

Letting him control the pace is going to take some determined foresight on your part. You could gently steer him in a certain direction - in a while. For now, go with the flow and let him get used to being in the same bed as you again.

If and when he is wanting then what? Determined foresight.

Iím guessing you probably have a whole bunch of questions and things youíd like to discuss and get answers and commitments for. That is most likely further down the path than advances from H. Do not mix the two. Keep the love making separate from love (relationship) talking.

Is that something you can see yourself doing? Itís just sex. Fun, wholesome, bonding, commitment building, etc... It seems that it would be out of order; sex before recommitment; I think it isnít in these cases.

Hís confusion is still something he is working through. With no one else in the picture, enjoying yourselves together is a good thing. This wonít speed him along his path, and shouldnít hinder him.

Itís a question of can you do this. Are you willing and wanting to. Just something to find your stand on, before itís maybe right in front of you.

Iím pulling for you girl.

Keep doing what youíre doing.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Before the clock strikes twelve [Re: DnJ] #2878549
01/03/20 01:18 AM
01/03/20 01:18 AM
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Posts: 519
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CanBird Offline OP
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CanBird  Offline OP
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Posts: 519
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Hello Can

How was midnight?

As to wanting H and nothing happened.

Originally Posted by CanBird
We're in bed! I want my H. Nothing happened. I did not make any moves, neither did he. I was scared to.

Small steps my friend. Small steps. Youíre in the same bed.

Being scared sounds about normal to me. And good for you for not pushing. Remember too much pressure and he will bolt.

Letting him control the pace is going to take some determined foresight on your part. You could gently steer him in a certain direction - in a while. For now, go with the flow and let him get used to being in the same bed as you again.

If and when he is wanting then what? Determined foresight.

Iím guessing you probably have a whole bunch of questions and things youíd like to discuss and get answers and commitments for. That is most likely further down the path than advances from H. Do not mix the two. Keep the love making separate from love (relationship) talking.

Is that something you can see yourself doing? Itís just sex. Fun, wholesome, bonding, commitment building, etc... It seems that it would be out of order; sex before recommitment; I think it isnít in these cases.

Hís confusion is still something he is working through. With no one else in the picture, enjoying yourselves together is a good thing. This wonít speed him along his path, and shouldnít hinder him.

Itís a question of can you do this. Are you willing and wanting to. Just something to find your stand on, before itís maybe right in front of you.

Iím pulling for you girl.

Keep doing what youíre doing.

DnJ




Happy New Year DnJ. And thank you for your support.

The eve was a blur. We all induldged and recouped Wednesday. Nothing eventful happened. I did get a kiss & hug. Small steps indeed. I do need to be thankful for what's in front of me. My H is home, we share a bed & MIL is here to help with D3.

I'm with you on sex being separate 'fun' thing. And will wait, while being the best version of me I can be. Iove this man. When we work together we are great, including sex. I can wait. I'm not pushing anything. H continues to GAL with hobbies he enjoys. He also text to say where he is. He also has been lending a hand to neighbors which is nice. More interactions with humans & nature. Hopefully him & I will get a chance to do a couples thing. Yes, I can wait..lol..

I continue to GAL as well. Great that MIL is here so I can actually get stuff done. Tax prep time. I handle most of it. It's empowering, same with running our household. I can & I do.

New gutters for house go in tomorrow. Apparently there's talk of painting the outside. Actions over words...lol..That can wait, but I'm not opposed.

Last edited by CanBird; 01/03/20 01:22 AM.

~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away/ wrk)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec Aow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
2gther 4 Covid
April 22 H back to work
Oct 22/20 D FINAL
Pillow Talk or Lack of: Day 3 [Re: CanBird] #2878552
01/03/20 01:35 AM
01/03/20 01:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 519
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CanBird Offline OP
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CanBird  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 519
HI
Journalling~ So here we are back to sharing a giant bed. No pillow talk. It's killing me, but I will wait. He does it for me & I just want to be an animal, but I will wait.

Last night we both were awake on & off from 2am-6am. No pillow talk. Are you kidding me! I was so hopeful. We have ventured from our respective sides and a bit more to the middle. I put my foot out in hopes we'll play footsies. And my hand is available to be help. I think he's doing baby steps too.

Any suggestions on turning up the heat without getting


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away/ wrk)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec Aow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
2gther 4 Covid
April 22 H back to work
Oct 22/20 D FINAL
Re: Pillow Talk or Lack of: Day 3 [Re: CanBird] #2878565
01/03/20 03:40 AM
01/03/20 03:40 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 73
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Kind18 Offline
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Kind18  Offline
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Posts: 73
Itís sounds terribly hard for you. Youíre doing a great job.

All good things come to those who wait.

Think about the length of the journey just to get to here... and know that youíve got a little more patience left in the tank.

I know you can do this and be patient.

And remember, if it ends up happening too soon he may regret it or feel pressured, and then youíll have taken huge steps backwards.

Wear something nice, try a new perfume - and when he is ready, it will happen.

Youíre doing so well - hang in there!

Re: Pillow Talk or Lack of: Day 3 [Re: CanBird] #2878571
01/03/20 06:16 AM
01/03/20 06:16 AM
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Posts: 2,556
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Hi Can

Re: Turning up the heat.

Be patient.

Things are progressing.

Did you ever make a solutions journal? MWD suggests it to help highlight the little steps that are actually happening. It also shows which direction your situation is heading; allows one to do more of what works and less of what doesnít.

An easy way to turn up the heat. Roll over and cuddle up to him. It might work out really good. You know your situation better than any of us. If you think itís a good and right time; that would be a less pressure filled test than some other scenarios.

Personally, I think a bit more time is required. Two days ago was a kiss and hug (which is awesome by the way). Go slow. And when you think youíre going slow enough, cut that in half.

Also could try a date. A fun time together. Keep expectations really low.

Remember how confused he was about wanting to come home. Itís going to take time for him to sort stuff out. Donít read too much into any one thing - good or bad. Focus on you and the long path.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Pillow Talk or Lack of: Day 3 [Re: CanBird] #2878584
01/03/20 01:32 PM
01/03/20 01:32 PM
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Posts: 3,925
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peacetoday Offline
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Can

Things do seem to be progressing and everyone here has shared some good thoughts
you have handled your whole situation so well-

I would suggest to continue to lean back, read about feminie energy and see if it resonates with you
gal , be/have fun, and just connect by spending time together and enjoying the moment..work on a solid friendship and you can see it is moving in that direction

patience..one minute/hour/day at a time


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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