My H attended the Christmas festivities at our home. He was my old H. I had no expectations, anxiety on what to tell the family and my H behaved like nothing ever happened. He interacted with everyone and if I had to speak to him, I did not get snake eyes. I noticed him taking selfies and he did step outside a couple of times. The OW may have tried to contact him or vice versa, but she is out of the country and I don’t know the status of the relationship. He bought me a nice gift and was a nice person to all. When the board games came out and my parents left, H went to our room and closed the door. Once everyone was gone, he came out, remade the couch bed and went to sleep. He didn’t It tell me goodbye this morning, (the usual behavior of late) he has returned to what he has been lately. I feel relief if only for a day. Anyone else have weird behaviors yesterday?
PLC - I'm glad to hear that your Christmas went well. It will be a roller coaster, don't think too much into it. They will have good days and bad days.
my H bought me a xmas gift too. I did not feel bad one bit for not getting him one. HA!
I texted my C about yesterday and what it all means. She is the one who suggested MLC to begin with. She said this is some part deep within him testing to see how we all were going to be around him, including how I would be. When I expressed my confusion of why, since he went back to leaving me alone once everyone was gone and today it continued, she said he still needs to figure out how to be happy. This made sense. I understand MLC as a depression and I can’t help with that. I also know he is still not ready (if he ever will be) to return. I feel the MLC has been at least two years, possibly 4, I’m no longer get tryin* to figure out stages, as he bounces back and forth.
I am looking to make strides as I continue to GAL, with the new year around the corner, I’m going to keep on rediscovering me. I continue to remind myself, I am stronger than he thinks.
Well, my nice Christmas faded....I was out yesterday with my daughter and he texted me he was leaving til Thursday to go to the other country where OW lives. This will be over NYE. Makes my stomach turn. I’m just so irritated that he couldn’t tell me in person, and had to text me. I hate being angry. It is a reaction to his unhappiness and I don’t like expending any additional emotions on him. I am dealing with enough stuff, without adding his stuff into the mix. I would appreciate any thoughts.
Yikes. I’m sorry to hear that. There is not much you can do when he’s still in his fog. Find healthy ways to vent your anger. Writing here helps. Go for a run, to the gym, etc. I don’t have a lot of helpful advice to you as I’m pretty new to this also, but I feel your pain. Giving you a virtual hug.
Well, my nice Christmas faded....I was out yesterday with my daughter and he texted me he was leaving til Thursday to go to the other country where OW lives. This will be over NYE. Makes my stomach turn. I’m just so irritated that he couldn’t tell me in person, and had to text me. I hate being angry. It is a reaction to his unhappiness and I don’t like expending any additional emotions on him. I am dealing with enough stuff, without adding his stuff into the mix. I would appreciate any thoughts.
I hate that my WH texts everything. He even texted the BD news! It is just awful. Virtual hugs to you. Hang in there.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
They text because they don't have to see the hurt, angry, disgusted and disappointed expressions on our faces. They also do not want to here our opinions of what they are about to do. It's the coward's way of letting us know what they are planning to do.
When you are angry, take a walk, drive or visit a local coffee shop. Find a pillow and beat the stuffing's out of it. I use to take long drives and scream at the top of lungs. When I returned home,. I was in a far better frame of mind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Everyone, I am heading to the gym tonight. Yesterday, I removed all of the holiday decorations and did a deep clean. I felt better. When I am productive in some way, I feel better. I am working today so that helps keep my mind off of what else could be happening. I usually try to not think about what is going on and what negatively could happen, but it happens. Thanks!
So he has been gone since Saturday when I got my text. I didn’t hear from him and he said in his text he’d be home today. Usually, he tells when he will be home and no more communication. In the last hour, he texted me, “I’ll be home at 1am see you then”. I didn’t answer. So about five minutes later, our D24 texted me “dad will be home at 1am” I ignored that message and responded to another with her. I am not triangulating this conversation.
I don’t think his text warranted a response. I am curious to why he informed me of his return time. He never does and has come home late in the past. (International flights=customs)
I can see that he and OW are not friends on social media anymore. I can see that on one picture he commented “I love you” to her that was not responded to. Idk if this courtesy is because of her. Any comments or insights?
Don’t over think it. It could mean anything. My H does that too, sometimes multiple calls during the day about insignificant things. Other times no contact. Sometimes explanations about whereabouts, other times none. I don’t ask unless it affects kids’ schedule. I ask flight/hotel info when he’s on business trips in case he’s dead and I need to collect his body (no joke, I didn’t say this to him but it’s what I think).
Personally i think you can respond just with a “ok” if you feel like that would stop him from getting to you thru your daughter. Wouldn’t the msg show that it’s “read” already anyway?
Anyways, no need to guess his intentions, I know it’s tempting. I can do better in that department also..:\
