I understand you are struggling on the holidays and I am sorry you’re going through this I really am. I also struggled on Christmas and a night when I was alone I had a good cry.
As posters we feel a sense to tell you what you’re doing wrong in are opinion so you don’t repeat these mistakes.
When I say you’re the reason for her problems I say that rolling my eyes. That’s what she believes but that most likely isn’t the case. It’s gonna take awhile (years) to figure that out.
My concern for you has always been that you honestly believe your value in the marriage was based on what you could do for her and not as an equal partner. It’s great to do things for another in a relationship but it must be reciprocated.
Be careful not to read into the pissed off look as her not being happy. Again, that look was most likely for you. She’s probably happy and excited to have her new found freedom but that will most likely change at some point too.
LH I want to thank you for always standing by. I know I need help. Most days I am good but there are some that hit me and when they do they hit me hard. She is definitely enjoying her freedom. I appreciate you always trying to help me out. I just can’t understand I guess still. Part of being stubborn I guess. I try very hard to not argue anymore and validate I try to be upbeat and fun as much as I can.
GF has been good mostly. The only bump we keep hitting is my kids. I haven’t introduced them to her yet. We have been dating for 8 months the last 4 seriously. So she is getting a little ancy when she will meet them. I have to be absolutely sure that she will be around for the long haul. I think she will be. Honestly I feel bad for the kids too. I know this will be hard for them. But I did not want this divorce. I am merely trying to move on in my life. I feel introducing her to the kids is going to be real hard for my kids and I am afraid it will put a strain on my relationship with them. Like I am the bad guy because I am moving on. Yet their mother is the one who did this, I know they don’t see that.
Please I need people to talk to. This holiday season is going to be hard.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Well today’s your lucky day because I’m stuck at the mechanic.
Seems like you have got yourself in a bind being in a relationship when you’re still pining for your W. You’re doing the right thing by not introducing until you’re ready.
This relationship has rebound written all over it.
Just let her go man. Leave her to herself. Don't call, don't text, don't email. Stick to the kids' schedule and drop em at the door. This will help your attachment to her and the house. You need time away from her and that house to heal and start new growth. I know you're thinking you have to communicate to be good "co-parents". Well I hate that word and I would never let some arbitrary cultural pressure make me do a thing. Some people may think I'm a knucklehead for that, oh well.
I would hold tight on introducing her to the kids. You still have feelings for your XW. Can you update your signature so we can ages and kids, etc? Your GF getting antsy about your kids is just another arbitrary cultural pressure. Is she planning on some relationship with your kids too? Ya I didn't think so. You can do the kids intro if and when you are ready.
What are you doing to learn, grow, heal, GAL?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well today’s your lucky day because I’m stuck at the mechanic.
Seems like you have got yourself in a bind being in a relationship when you’re still pining for your W. You’re doing the right thing by not introducing until you’re ready.
This relationship has rebound written all over it.
You know the more I think about it, I don’t know if it’s my wife I miss or the family dynamic. I know this is going to sound horrible, but with the GF and eventually her meeting the kids I will feel whole. The GF is amazing. She is a bit of an anomoly. She is not into social media and is not addicted to her phone. She loves to cook and is always cleaning and straightening up. Very affectionate loves sports. So at first it might have been a rebound but I am really liking her more and more. I am starting to really feel something for her.
Let me tell you all something about me. I hate change and I get attached to things. I just finally got rid of my 350z it was a 2003. The transmission was going, windows didn’t work, heat didn’t always work. And it was still hard to let it go. But once I got my new car I moved on. Please I am not comparing a relationship with a car. Just giving an example of how I get attached. When my xw and I moved from our first house I cried for 2 days. I missed that home. Again it’s a weird thing I just get attached. Again just giving examples of how I get attached. So moving forward with GF is a real good thing for me. I know I shouldn’t use my GF to get over xw but that has been my life. Get over attachments by replacing with something new and then I am fine.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Wolf,
What are you doing to learn, grow, heal, GAL?
I read a lot of self help books. I read DR, 5 Love languages, No more Mr. Niceguy, and a few others. I go to the gym a lot more. Call a lot of my friends to do things. Try to fund the positive in life. That I am healthy, have beautiful healthy kids. I have a a career and make good money. I guess I just move a lot slower than some of the others on here.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Well something doesn’t sound right your GF sounds amazing and your W sounds like a horrible person. I guess I’m not sure why you just don’t leave your W alone to deal with her $hit. Spend and enjoy the time with your kids when you have them and then spend time with GF and friends when you don’t.
Well something doesn’t sound right your GF sounds amazing and your W sounds like a horrible person. I guess I’m not sure why you just don’t leave your W alone to deal with her $hit. Spend and enjoy the time with your kids when you have them and then spend time with GF and friends when you don’t.
You are so right. I ask myself that too. Why am I still hurt when I have this amazing girlfriend. She just asked me to go to Norway with her to go skiing from New Year’s Eve to the 4th. How do I ask my xw about going since some of theirs days my children are suppose to be with me. Help!!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
