Watched Love Actually again last night. I love that movie, despite the Emma Thompson storyline being uncomfortably close to my own life.
The year that my ex was having his ( recently discovered) affair, he went Xmas shopping one night and came home with a bag from a Hawaiian store in our town. But Xmas morning there was no gift from that store to be found.
When I confronted him on it later he revealed that he had bought me and the other woman the SAME gold necklace but had had second thoughts about giving me the same one. He then produced the necklace. (I never wore it and eventually threw it away).
So when I see Emma Thompson sucking it up for her kids’ sake while her heart is breaking, I SO relate.
About 3 years after my ex left, I met a guy online who lives about an hour and a half away. “Spa Guy” * was tall, handsome, intelligent, with a wry sense of humor. I broke my own rule and had long phone conversations with him before we even met. He was very clear though from the beginning - he didn’t “do” relationships. This was one Love Avoidant guy, but I appreciated his refreshing honesty and self-awareness about it. (He’d had some pretty traumatic life events long ago and I think just didn’t want to be vulnerable again) .
I felt I’d gotten to know him pretty well through those phone calls and was not disappointed on our first date. He was just as I thought he would be, only better. So much so that I spent the night, because I couldn’t think of an honest reason to say no.
Now remember - I’d been notified up front about his Love Avoidant status so I didn’t have any expectations or preconceived notions. We had a fun night and great conversation.
Christmas was coming soon, and it was going to be a bit lonely . My kids were going to be at my house xmas eve day but then to their Father's house for dinner and staying overnight to spend Xmas with him ( it was his turn) My mom had gone to another state to spend Xmas with my sister. So I had no one to be with Xmas eve and morning, until Christmas night when I was going with my BFF to a party (the Loser’s Christmas, that’s a whole other story.)
So Spa Guy invites me for a second date - on Xmas Eve. Yeah, that’s a weird time for a second date. But it was lovely - he cooked me a delicious meal in his beautiful loft condo. We exchanged presents ( I bought him books; he gave me a fluffy white bathrobe). We talked, and watched a movie ( he had great taste in movies, books and music). Hot Christmas sex. It all was surprisingly lovely.
I stayed until late in the afternoon on Christmas Day , until it was time to go to my party. (Spa Guy was invited but declined as he had to get up at 4 am for work.) It was without a doubt the best second date I’d ever had. And I find myself thinking of him and smiling every Christmas.
* The name Spa Guy comes from my BFF, who likened my dates with him to going to the spa for the weekend. And if you’re wondering why he didn’t have somewhere else to be - he was estranged from his extended family after he had cared for his dying older sister. He had no children and had never been married.
My BFF first invited me to go with her to the Loser’s Xmas party. It was thrown by the guy who had signed her to her first record deal. He’d been having this party for thirty plus years - started as a gathering of all his friends who were alone - like him - for Christmas, it had grown into an event filled with interesting, artsy people. You might meet a guy who designs the rides for Universal Studios, then find yourself standing next to Clem Burke, the drummer for Blondie. I attended a couple of times and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The guy who hosted was a lifelong bachelor, a smart and successful nerd, a caring, generous friend to many and involved in philanthropic activist work for the poor. A real mensch, beloved by all. And tragically, inexplicably, earlier this year he committed suicide. There will be no Loser’s Christmas this year and I know the pain of his loss will hit all his friends again on Christmas Day.
Watched Love Actually again last night. I love that movie, despite the Emma Thompson storyline being uncomfortably close to my own life.
The year that my ex was having his ( recently discovered) affair, he went Xmas shopping one night and came home with a bag from a Hawaiian store in our town. But Xmas morning there was no gift from that store to be found.
When I confronted him on it later he revealed that he had bought me and the other woman the SAME gold necklace but had had second thoughts about giving me the same one. He then produced the necklace. (I never wore it and eventually threw it away).
So when I see Emma Thompson sucking it up for her kids’ sake while her heart is breaking, I SO relate.
OMG what a putz.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
SMH
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My BFF first invited me to go with her to the Loser’s Xmas party. It was thrown by the guy who had signed her to her first record deal. He’d been having this party for thirty plus years - started as a gathering of all his friends who were alone - like him - for Christmas, it had grown into an event filled with interesting, artsy people. You might meet a guy who designs the rides for Universal Studios, then find yourself standing next to Clem Burke, the drummer for Blondie. I attended a couple of times and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The guy who hosted was a lifelong bachelor, a smart and successful nerd, a caring, generous friend to many and involved in philanthropic activist work for the poor. A real mensch, beloved by all. And tragically, inexplicably, earlier this year he committed suicide. There will be no Loser’s Christmas this year and I know the pain of his loss will hit all his friends again on Christmas Day.
wouldn't it be lovely if someone else donned the mantle in his memory, so the tradition could continue?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yes I wondered if anyone would but no one seems to have stepped into his shoes - they were HUGE shoes to fill. Of course I am just peripherally connected to him through my friend; it’s possible that some of his inner circle are having a smaller, private get together. Everyone is still stunned, though, at his suicide - it was so unexpected.
Can I just say, I’m a gift giving ninja this year? I think I found the best gifts for everyone and got some great deals in the bargain (for example, youngest son is getting a tent, cold weather sleeping bag and warm weather sleeping bag all for $100 total from Big 5 Black Friday sales. Got a good Black Friday deal on the kindle CMM wanted, and a nice 15 lb weighted blanket normally $199, for only $45 on a coupon sale from Big 5. My son who loves soundtrack music and video game compositions - tickets to a chamber music concert performing the music from the Final Fantasy video games. I managed to stay largely within my budget but know my family will be happy. (None of my kids have significant others right now, so family Xmas is their main gift exchange).
I’ll be baking Ranger cookies today and wrapping the last of my presents. If middle son arrives early enough today we’re going to see the movie Bombshell before he goes to his dad’s for Xmas eve dinner. I’ve got the Christmas spirit and hope all of you enjoy the holidays, despite the new traditions.
Wow! You got some really great deals. Everyone will be so happy to receive their gifts and will be totally surprised.
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Merry Christmas to you, Job! Yeah, I’m very happy that I think everyone will be surprised and pleased with their gifts. AND that I’m done with my shopping in time to get everything wrapped without stressing
