I’ll chime in with a few of the others here - but you already kinda knew I would. Thing is there are no like big red flags or anything so no reason not to continue. It’s just so new yet - as said, not even a year, not even meeting your parents. You've not yet even had a big disagreement and there is no way it won’t happen at some point. It’s how you and her handle it when it happens. You guys are very much still in the honeymoon and dating phase. That’s not real life.
The thing that does stand out to me is how differently she seems to treat you. It’s not that way with her staff or child or ex or others. So is she just still on her best behavior with you? To think oh she treats everyone else the same but I’m different is not likely to last. It’s more common, much more common, for her personality to eventually treat you the same. She has too much to lose if she were to do it now.
Have you seen the real true doctor yet? Perhaps you have but maybe not. You’ll know much more in another year or two. And there really is no rush. You guys could still easily have 25 years of married life - even if it doesn’t start for several more years.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
One thing that has really struck me here and elsewhere is that most people - including myself - don't usually ask for advice when they don't know the answer they want. They usually have a choice made and are just looking for supporting arguments.
I was engaged 3 months into dating 30+ years ago and I think some wondered why I waited that long. Married a year less a day from when we met. It lasted 26 years and I do believe that if OM hadn't happened by that I would probably still be married to her. I doubt that this was the exception
On the other hand you also hear of people who take it slow, date for 5 years and then everything falls apart in a short period of time.
Now, except for nude skydiving, I am someone who is accepting of a certain amount of risk. You will undoubtedly recall how that went sideways on me this past summer.
We all know that you will take in all the different viewpoints both here and in real life and make up your own mind although I do think you probably put more weight on outside opinions than I do.
Life is about risk. It's about embracing the unknowable future. It's about picking yourself back up when you fall down. The key thing though I believe is that if you make a decision as fully armed with information as you can be, to not regret it and to accept the outcome.
For me, and we are rather different people, I would hate to be regretting paths not walked.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I agree with you all and I am not ready to be married again I was just trying to articulate that it is heading down that path. and it's scary. Honestly, I do need more time. I also know that I see a side of her that no one else sees.
She has made it very clear what her intentions are however she is not putting pressure on me. Sure, little comments here and there but nothing really major. We have not been ring shopping either, I have no idea what she would even want.
I know how she treated her XH, Even her own mom she is reluctant to help because in her opinion her mom wastes money and the Dr. doesn't want to help fund her lifestyle that her mom can't afford. I have never asked her for anything, On the weekends we will split if we go out both nights and if it something she wants to do then she will pay as well (her idea). The Dr works hard and she expects everyone else to work hard as well. She is a very strong woman, speaks her mind and is extremely smart. I am stereotyping here but she is not the stay at home type of person where hubby is out working and she is doing her thing with the kids, driving a big fancy car, getting her nails done, etc. That is totally not her. She clips coupons, buys clothes off of Ebay, shops at Aldi, buys second hand clothes for her son she is a saver and does not live a fancy lifestyle.
I dated my XW 3 years before we got married and we lasted 17 years total. Looking back I ignored more red flags with my XW than I should of however back then I was young and didn't know they were red flags. I know more now and agree with kids it does raise the stakes.
She is different with me though and treats me differently. Not sure why but she knows I do not need anything from her, I have made that very clear, I don't care about a pre-nup, I don't want her money and I also don't care about her taking my last name. Due to her practice she doesn't want to change it, I understand that. I really could care less about any of it so maybe those are the reasons why. She knows I am and would be perfectly fine without her. I do love her but I can take it or leave.....this is peanuts compared to the last 3 years of my life and my Divorce. I know she loaded me up with xmas presents, made the comment how easy I am to shop for and she could do it for days. I told her to stop and that I don't need that much. She told me I am a blessing to her and that I deserve it. I was like ok baby, whatever, just don't expect that many gifts from me. She said she didn't care and to stop buying her presents and to not go over budget.
I have read that women go on so many more dates than men do so they really have a good idea of when they find a keeper. Maybe that is just the case or maybe it is just the honeymoon phase. I guess only time will tell.
The Dr. and I had another good weekend. On Friday night we went to an engagement party for one of her friends. They rented out a portion of a restaurant and had about 10 different couples attend. It was not awkward for us however I did ask the Dr. what kind of ring she liked. She told me what she preferred but followed it up by saying she didn't need anything fancy. That was the extent of any conversation about marriage.
Saturday we went out to her ranch for the day. She had her son with her so we just all hung out and did our thing.
I got the girls yesterday and will have them this week. The X texted me and asked if I would be able to help her put together loft beds for the girls. Her and her BF put the first one together on Saturday and for whatever reason he wasn't available to help with the other one. It doesn't bother me any more so when I went to pick up the girls yesterday I helped her put the last one together. The girls were in the room with us so it was really no big deal. It took a couple of hours and as soon as we were finished the girls and I left. It was just all business.
My parents are coming to town tomorrow and I will have the girls xmas eve and xmas morning. I will take them to their mom's around noon and they will spend the rest of the day with her and spend the night. I will then go back and pick them up on Thursday morning to fill out the rest of the week.
I am off until 1/2 so just looking forward to relaxing, working out and just chillin. I do need to take the girls out xmas shopping for their mom, clean the house and also go to the grocery store so I can make dinner when my parents are here.
I can't think of anything else going on. I know it's a tough time of the year for many of us however just remember better times are on the horizon! This is just one chapter of life!
J- Be careful. You asked the Dr. what kind of Ring she likes. Women translate that to “OMG, I’m getting engaged soon, he’s buying a ring!!!” That talk comes when you are actually ready to buy.
Your conversations need to revolve around parenting styles, cohabitation styles, etc.
When that comes together and you are ready to go for it, then you ask what ring style she likes.
