I think you are ready to marry her just as much as she wants.
Same!
I totally agree on what you said about the partnership in an R and I can see why her comments about her XH would throw up some red flags for you. I earn more money than Sparky and my expectation of him is exactly what the Dr. told you hers was of you. I just want him to contribute equally to our household expenses and do the "manly" stuff that I can do but don't like to do (like anything related to the vehicles). We share everything else equally and neither of us are big spenders, so it works for us.
As far as opinions of the gifts, if you think she will like them, then I think they are great. They show a very practical side of her with a little thought and romance thrown in with the earrings, ornament and coupons.
I love that you have found someone who is who she said she was from the beginning. I don't want to say I told you so, but I believe several of us ladies tried to tell y'all women do exist who are exactly who they say they are and are good, kind, caring, decent, loving women and NOT game players. I guess the proof is in the pudding.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Your gifts are great. If she doesn't want to spend money on going downtown for New Year's, keep it simple but romantic - champagne and strawberries, candlelight, Barry White.....
I don’t think you are. I think you are anxious to get on with it!
She does seem great. She does seem a little tougher on her own kid and her ex husband vs. you and your girls. She almost seems like a different person towards you guys. Which is good..... maybe she’s doing some 180’s on those things
I just booked a room down town......I let her know we had plans outside of our normal bubble she got super excited. She suggested low key but left it up to me. Some how it came up what we did on New Year's Eve last year so I told her. I actually took the girl I was dating at the time out to a nice restaurant so if she just got a low key evening after a year I felt that would have not been good!!! She told me she doesn't care where she goes as long as it's with me. I have a lot of responsibility!
I am actually pretty scared because I know with her she isn't down for years of dating. I think she is ready to go. she told me she would never do anything to intentionally screw up our R. She hasn't met my mom and step dad yet so that gives me some time!!! Her best friend is going to get engaged on Friday and we have been invited to the restaurant where it is going to happen so we will be witness to the surprise. That is not helping me at all! She then made the comment that just because they get engaged doesn't mean they will be married right away. I took that as a hint......bahaaaa.
I don't think she started off hard on her XH, it just happened over time. She is tough on her son but truthfully I could be tougher on my girls. She has her S full time though so I get it. Much different than being a 50% parent. She has also indicated that she could have been much more supportive of her XH than she was. He also had ED issues as well so they didn't have sex, he didn't have a job, so in the end she got in her masculine and just had her thumb on him.
You know L it's all about what your willing to give and what they are willing to accept. If you run across a great woman who wants to get married but you don't and would rather have the committed, separate house situation then something has to give. It's coming up on 3 years for me since my XW left so I mean I am not going to be single forever.
I knew very shortly after I met her that she was not a 3 or 4 date, have sex, casually date, and done type of girl. On date 4 she asked me what my 10 yr plan was. So I was like oh boy, I knew she was a keeper but I had no idea what to do but when I thought about ending it I couldn't do it.
My struggles have been real and I have had to work through some stuff emotionally during this time. I knew she was a keeper, I wasn't quite ready emotionally but I know I would have regretted ending things early because it was my own [censored] I was dealing with. I hope you are not faced with that situation L especially as you really realize and come to terms with you and the XW will never be together again. When you finally, really shut that door it's tough.
Wow you have been out on your own twice as long as me. Yeah I’m coming to terms with it now that we are never getting back together. That was always the safe play for me anyways. No hassles of dating, intermingled families, new in-laws etc. I would be sacrificing having a chance at the real thing the coach talks about where your connect at an unbelievable level. I could never get there with her and she deserves to find that with someone as do I.
Yeah....she moved out in June of 2017 so it's been almost 3 years since she has been in the house. It was my safe play as well because I think as the LBS you always assume it's just a matter of time before they wake up and come running back because they see the new you. I just don't think that happens in the vast majority of situations but that is what we hang on to.
Taking that initial step of dating is one thing but when you find someone that is worth it, to continue dating, it's a struggle because in the back of your mind you know that's the final step. No big deal if you have been divorced for years but for us newbies it's hard.
Dude - it hasn't even been a year of dating yet so just chill. If the doctor expects you to propose in less than a year, then she's not the one for you. Seriously - as divorced adults, you should both want to take your time deciding about each other and less than a year is just way too short a time, no matter how well things have been going. It's not like anybody's biological clock is ticking or anything.
Dude - it hasn't even been a year of dating yet so just chill. If the doctor expects you to propose in less than a year, then she's not the one for you. Seriously - as divorced adults, you should both want to take your time deciding about each other and less than a year is just way too short a time, no matter how well things have been going. It's not like anybody's biological clock is ticking or anything.
The stats are not in favor for those of us who rush into the next marriage. If you're planning to spend the rest of your lives together, then you have all the time in the world.
Just my $.02
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
