Oh, I know what you mean. I’m right there with you.
I do like kml’s advice regarding the diaper bag and stuff. Never occurred to me either. Makes perfect sense when you think about it. Of course she’s a pretty sensible person.
DnJ
Last edited by DnJ; 12/17/1902:02 AM.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I just wrapped all S's presents and put them under the tree. After standing back to admire my handiwork, it hit me.
For the first time in 31 years, I won't have any presents to open on Christmas morning. Ouch! I will just have to experience the thrill and joy through S this year. We are going to play with his new toys, read his new books, and bake some cookies to take to my family lunch. New family, new traditions.
H won't be on the scene until Boxing Day, so I'm hoping for a happy, peaceful day.
Last night, I approved the final consent orders and instructed my L to forward them to H. That was a good feeling. Gives H some time to think about things over the holidays. I'm hopeful he will sign and return them expeditiously as there is nothing in them that we haven't verbally agreed on. But we shall see.
Girl - sounds silly, but buy yourself some presents “ from Santa” and wrap and put them under the tree. Let your son see mommy open a couple presents too. And even though you won’t be surprised - be nice to yourself.
I agree w/kml. Absolutely purchase some gifts, wrap them up from Santa and your little one. He will be watching you and you will want to see "mommy" happy too.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It feels silly but okay. I already bought some board games for the open house I'm hosting next week so I can wrap those up.
Can I get some feedback on this draft email?
After yet another late arrival this morning ("missed my alarm and slept in") I've had enough of the morning visitation. H causes problem after problem, week after week, and it's just not good for me or S to be jerked around any more. I've tried to frame it as changing for positive reasons, rather than negative ones, in order to get H on board. I've been thinking about this solution for a while, but I'm not going to send this until the frustration from this morning has settled.
Note: we have a non-binding parenting plan in place, so this can all be worked out between us. No lawyers needed.
Quote
Hi,
I would love to come to an agreement on changing the morning visit to an afternoon/evening visit.
The goals being to minimise disruption to his morning routine, give you more opportunity to participate in his evening routine, and prepare him for an overnight visit in future.
My thought was that you could handle pickup at 3:30, dinner, bath, then drop him back home for bed at 7:30. Giving you the same amount of time as the morning visit, if not more. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in doing? I believe it would be better for S - and he would love it, I'm sure.
Please let me know what you think. If you need time to organise your schedule to suit, that would be fine. As mentioned, you would need to let me know your address so that I know where S is when he's not with me.
I don't know how you could be more positive than this. I don't read any control or vindictiveness. I like tying it to a future overnight visit and pointing out that he loses no time.
Maybe instead of "let me know what you think," how about, if you have any other suggestion, then of course I'd be happy to discuss that as well. Making it very clear you are not laying down the law.
It feels silly but okay. I already bought some board games for the open house I'm hosting next week so I can wrap those up.
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Nah, stuff the board games. Get yourself something really nice Scout. Something you've been eyeing for ages but didn't pull the trigger on. You deserve it. We all do.
Surely though H isn't that much of a tool that he wouldn't get you something on behalf of S.
Good luck with the open house and have fun. I'd have one but too no-one round me to invite!
Email sounds perfect - very nicely done.
Good luck with the Orders.
Overall, you sound like you're doing really well and have grown so much Scout. Good on you!
Cheers, DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Nah, stuff the board games. Get yourself something really nice Scout. Something you've been eyeing for ages but didn't pull the trigger on. You deserve it. We all do.
Surely though H isn't that much of a tool that he wouldn't get you something on behalf of S.
Good luck with the open house and have fun. I'd have one but too no-one round me to invite!
DS9, this post shows us all that you are a great guy. And I agree, Scout needs to get herself some earrings or something too!
But yes, all our MLCers are that much of a tool.
About the open house -- I have the same problem as you but I have been doing this open house twice a month and I invited almost everyone I liked at all and find that each time 2 to 4 people come, and it's enough to hang out by the fire and not feel lonely. So maybe you just need to expand your vision of it or ask at your (or a) church about a family who needs an evening like that!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Just got back from visiting the in-laws. It was three hours of small talk, watching S play, and silence. I didn’t tell them about the affair, and only shared two bits of information about H. I can tell they were deliberately avoiding any mention of him, which I should have expected. I feel really agitated by all the words I wanted to speak but didn’t or couldn’t, so I’m going to blurt them here.
Number one. I mentioned that I had served H the separation paperwork this week. MIL said “oh, you’re doing it through lawyers?” As if to say, surely that’s not necessary? I just said yes and that it had all been verbally agreed upon, so hopefully H would just sign and return without changing anything. FIL said confidently “he wouldn’t do that”. I kind of just smiled and didn’t reply.
Here’s the redo conversation I’m having in my head. This did not happen.
IL: He wouldn’t do that M: Actually, a lot has happened since I last talked to you both, and H has proven himself to be supremely untrustworthy. IL: What’s happened? M: I would love to confide in you, but out of respect for your feelings, I’ll only tell you the truth if you want to hear it. You know that I am honest to a fault, and I hope that you trust me. IL: Of course we do. M: Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. H did, in fact, leave me for another woman. A 21-year old employee, actually. He has been making my life extremely difficult ever since, and it is virtually impossible to coparent with him.
I can’t actually picture their reaction to that information, so I won’t speculate further. The reaction would have been superfluous anyway. All I would have cared about was getting the truth out.
Number two. As we were saying goodbye, MIL mentioned she would be seeing S on Boxing Day. I said “Oh, are you all going to H’s place?” She said no, H would be bringing S over. I said “Oh good, because he isn’t supposed to take S to his place without sharing his address, and he hasn’t done that”. She reassured me that they would be spending the day at their place. I smiled and said that was totally okay.
I’m okay with how that went. Maybe she can encourage H to do the right thing. Or maybe she thinks I’m being unreasonable and controlling as per H’s tall tales. I don’t care. Again, all that matters is that the truth is out there.
I would have liked the chance to explain why H is no longer welcome in my home, or why I have no contact with him, or why I am no longer hoping to reconcile. Or even just to tell them that I’ve made those decisions. I will probably never get the opportunity, and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t bring it up. I just want to COMMUNICATE. It was like holding back rising floodwaters by holding my tongue. I don’t know if I can see them again. It’s too hard on me.
Arghhhhhhh. It feels good to expel these pent-up thoughts.
