I have room for your stuff

[AndrewP]

Thanks all. The lack of "fair" is more about the impact on us all rather than any sort of comparison to my ex-wife's situation. I certainly was upset in the early days imagining that she had someone to help and comfort her while I had to face it all alone. If we dust off the old mind-reading turban for a moment, I would imagine that she also feels that everything is very unfair to her too.

I did laugh at DnJ remembering that she had / has (?) an incontinent dog.

It is what it is though.

True G - if I was remarried to a man with my ex’s earning capacity I would be back where I would have been. Unfortunately, in my age group, men with that kind of income feel entitled to date much younger women. None of the men I’ve dated, unfortunately, have their act together financially. But I think that’s also generally a boomer problem - too few planned for retirement.

Very very true. Which is one of the reasons why I'm not surprised that the women I've met with a couple of exceptions are very unprepared for retirement as well. While I certainly could have been one of those men who chose to date much younger, I'm grateful for you nudging me to look beyond the superficial and to also consider longer term by pointing out that women do tend to live longer than men. FSL at 39 is undoubtedly too young all things considered. B is 57 and S is 51. Both kind and loving women.

Below is a wonderful little recipe that's perfect for the holidays.

Cooter Pie

The first thing that went through my mind was Cooter from Dukes of Hazard Glad it was another sort of cooter. Sawing a puir wee turtle (or even a big one) in half isn't something that I think I could face. They are undoubtedly all down in the mud having their winter snooze by this time around here too. Perhaps in the spring.

Little bit of trivia. I grew up on the banks of the Saugeen River during the 1970s which at the time was full of very large snapping turtles. Some guys from New York staked out our section of river harvesting the turtles for the restaurant trade carting them back in their VW bug in burlap sacks. In a few years, there were pretty much no turtles and especially no big ones. I don't believe that the population ever recovered.

Busy but overall good weekend. I do believe that I need to re-glue S's bed frame. It seems to have loosened up for some reason .... We did a bunch of cleaning and organizing as well as just spending time together. Her kids were off with their Dad for the weekend so we had the place to ourselves (and the critters). Saturday after noon and Sunday morning were spent there and then we picked up my groceries (had to skip getting my roses) and back to my place for more chores, cleaning and dinner.

We did have to slow down significantly as on Sunday morning I over-exerted myself - doing the cleaning - and had a minor angina episode. S didn't know or realize that when I said that I needed to sit down and slow down that it meant that I NEEDED to sit down. She understood better later when she realized that my face had turned grey and I got very insistent that I couldn't do any more. We took it a lot easier from then on. She already knew that I carry aspirin on me at all times and I also now showed her were I keep my nitro and how it is used. It did alter some of our plans for Sunday afternoon as we wanted to be sure that I didn't over-exert myself . Which was good because S25 came home mid-afternoon unexpectedly and S's kids did a bit later to pick up her apartment key about 5 hours before expected.

S had already known about my heart condition, partially blocked arteries, two leaky valves and high blood pressure (yep! He's a prize!) but I don't think had connected the dots to it being something we need to be cognizant about. She asked me a bunch of questions, I answered and she is now more aware that for some things, especially heavy lifting and especially in the cold, that I need to take it slowly. She has her own set of health issues so I think that helps with her understanding. I think that in some ways that it helped her with her "the other shoe" thing that had been in the back of her mind. I do have a flaw - and a potentially fatal one at that. I suspect that her pinterest boards will start filling up with cardiac healthy ideas. Her own Dad who is in his late 80s has had a heart condition and so she knows full well that it's something that if it is "managed" shouldn't be a problem.

I did tell S that when I have an episode that it generally takes a few days before I'm feeling back to normal and if it's a bad one that it can take a week. I'm still feeling the effects today but think this will be a shorter one. S has already checked in on me this morning to see if I'm feeling ok and to let me know how much she appreciated my help on the weekend.

We had a bunch of talks on the weekend too, spending some time over dinner talking about how my bomb-day really hurts my ability to trust for example. She mentioned that she's going to be seeing her STBX on Wednesday to talk to him face to face to tell him that she is proceeding with the divorce. She's 95% sure that he knows that she is in a relationship with someone or at least dating regularly. She seems calm and confident about that although I know she's worried that she'll lose his benefits plan. She uses it for her own therapy and medications. I did mention that my own lawyer and my HR person both said that I couldn't remove my own ex if there were pre-existing conditions. She believes that he'll take things fairly well and not be a jerk so the medical insurance may well continue. Her minor age kids are still on their Dad's plan. There is still a bit of "stuff" there. The impression I have is that when she moved out 4+ years ago that it was done abruptly and then they went through a push/pull cycle for quite a while.

One thing that S brought up that bothered her is the fact that on social media that I seem to have a "lot" of female friends. She knows that I participate on a couple of "divorce support forums" and I did say that a number of the supportive women come from there as well as co-workers, relatives and just regular friends. I can see how this could be a concern for her especially since those women tend to be very positive and supportive of me. I did tell her that I would be happy to tell her who each and every person is and how I'm connected to them.

After dinner - where S helped cook and did the clean-up while I got my ironing done - very domestic - I took her home. Her S17 had been pestering her about when she'd get there as they currently only have a single key to the apartment since the landlord changed the locks to special security locks. I had a big laugh because while we were waiting for him to come down and open the door we were smooching in the car and I told him that I "knew" that he would show up as soon as that started. He's seeing his therapist this morning.

He did make an out-of the blue comment to S though that he quite likes me. I think that because I treat the boys not as "my kids" but as kids who I happen to know and like, including both receiving and dishing out a certain amount of joking and teasing along with taking their questions etc seriously and honestly. He does like teasing his mother now that he learned that my grand-parents were cousins that she's dating an "in-bred guy". I've talked to S and told her that based on what I'd read that it was important that in no way was I going to act in any sort of parental role. She is the parent. I'm not. S seemed very happy that I'm being thoughtful about that. And rather surprised that I've spent the time reading up on such things - but not too surprised now that she knows me better.

Still a whole page left of this thread and 2 weeks and a bit of time. How many recipes will end up being posted to push me over the end I wonder.

[doodler]

Little bit of trivia. I grew up on the banks of the Saugeen River during the 1970s which at the time was full of very large snapping turtles. Some guys from New York staked out our section of river harvesting the turtles for the restaurant trade carting them back in their VW bug in burlap sacks. In a few years, there were pretty much no turtles and especially no big ones. I don't believe that the population ever recovered.

How many turtles did you sell to those guys?

I do believe that I need to re-glue S's bed frame. It seems to have loosened up for some reason ...

Too much Wang Chung, eh? I’ve been trying to tell you that you’re playing the odds. Roll those dice enough and they’ll come up snake eyes. Soon enough there’ll be a pea in the pod. Leaky valves and clogged veins won’t matter; you’ll be picking up the crying youngin’ because the old lady’s hip dysplasia will be acting up. Fortunately, it’s only a 25 year commitment (maybe).

After dinner - where S helped cook and did the clean-up while I got my ironing done - very domestic - I took her home. Her S17 had been pestering her about when she'd get there as they currently only have a single key to the apartment since the landlord changed the locks to special security locks. I had a big laugh because while we were waiting for him to come down and open the door we were smooching in the car and I told him that I "knew" that he would show up as soon as that started. He's seeing his therapist this morning.

There’s a temporal issue with your paragraph. It starts out with “after dinner” and ends with “this morning.” Something doesn’t add up.

Also, are you implying that S17 is seeing his therapist because he saw you and S kissing? There’s no segue so it’s hard to figure out what’s going on. It’s like that sentence you wrote when you said, “It’s a 30 minute drive to the fair with large vegetables.” Huh? You leave your loyal fans and readers perplexed. We wonder if you’re drunk or sniffing glue whilst fixing a distressed bed frame.

Still a whole page left of this thread and 2 weeks and a bit of time. How many recipes will end up being posted to push me over the end I wonder.

Let’s see, there are ten posts per page and you posted and I’m posting, so that’s 10 – 2 = 8. Eight more posts to go (unless someone has posted before I post this message). Bob’s your uncle, I think we’re going to burn through this thread in a couple of days.

[job]

Doodler,

I about died laughing over your response concerning S's loose bed frame and the pea in the pod, etc. I was thinking the same thing. LOL!

Andrew,

Your posting today will generate enough comments that your thread will fill completely up before the end of this week.

Please take care of yourself and you and S need to stop all of that "activity" in her bed because at the rate you two are going, you will need to purchase a new bed frame for her. LOL!

[AndrewP]

How many turtles did you sell to those guys?

They would load up their VW Beetle up to the gunwales. You'll need to get one and start loading turtles to get an idea of what the capacity would be. It was a long time ago but I'm sure they did multiple trips each year. They'd bait traps at the bottom of the river and then pull them up after the turtles drowned if memory serves

Bob’s your uncle, I think we’re going to burn through this thread in a couple of days.

He preferred to be called Rob. A very lovely man. My mother's youngest brother. He passed on a few years ago which was sad because his biological daughter from a fling he had as a teen-ager tracked down the connection to him through me a couple of years after he passed and they never got to meet. His widow and his two children with her embraced her as one of her own. As an aside, my mother was called Roberta - which in an Irish Catholic family means "we really wanted a boy".

Please take care of yourself and you and S need to stop all of that "activity" in her bed because at the rate you two are going, you will need to purchase a new bed frame for her. LOL!

The biggest challenge was trying to convince the various pets that it wasn't nap time and that they perhaps should be somewhere else for a while ... It is extremely rare that all of S's kids are absent so it will be some time before the structural engineers will need to be called in. My furniture is fortunately strongly built. Given the fact that all of the pets in her apartment thought that they were going to get a ride on the bouncy castle - and were sadly mistaken - there wouldn't be room to add on a pea or pod person.

Andrew,

Your posting today will generate enough comments that your thread will fill completely up before the end of this week.

D'oh! I've been tricked!

[kml]

I've talked to S and told her that based on what I'd read that it was important that in no way was I going to act in any sort of parental role.

Good for you! CMM seems to think he has a right to an opinion on my grown children (because they are not compulsive germophobes like he is) and it is a real problem - if I were to break up with him it would be over THAT, not over him having stage 4 lung cancer!

[DnJ]

Good Morning Andrew

Wow this thread is filling up fast.

The lack of "fair" is more about the impact on us all rather than any sort of comparison to my ex-wife's situation.

Yeah. I knew what you were saying. It’s just what are you comparing too, that results in unfair? The “what could have been”. At times I do the same; it’s a cheese-less tunnel. I find looking bigger, or taking the focus off what could have been and placing it on what is, utilizes my energies better.

Anyhow, the six figure lump sum pay out, 2 sons in university and living away from home, one daughter going to follow suit in the university route this coming year, food and expenses, etc. and no help whatsoever from XW. Shrug. It is what it is.

Anyhow, strange, a bed frame suddenly developing poor structural integrity. With the joints all poorly glued it must squeak quite a bit I would hazard.

Oh, and my dear friend, do slow down a little every now and then. I was a bit antsy reading about your gray complexion and shortness of breath. I obviously am glad it turned out fine. I also like that you explained it to S and showed her where and how to use your medication if a need arose.

Take care

DnJ


squeak


What was that? A mouse?


squeak


giggle

[doodler]

As an aside, my mother was called Roberta - which in an Irish Catholic family means "we really wanted a boy".

"Bob's yo momma" has potential as an idiomatic phrase. I'm just not sure how it would be used in context.

I'm thinking it's about time for another recipe.

[Ginger1]

As a friend, and a nurse, who’s jam is cardiac.....

Clogged arteries? Leaky valves?!?

Are you being medically managed? Do you follow up with your cardiologist every 6 months? Have echocardiograms? and stress tests?

That episode scared me as it must have scared you. Your body is saying, slow down!!!

I understand you are wanting to help a lot and do the heavy lifting for her, but not at the expense of your health.

You would benefit from some good cardio like long walks.

You are too young, andrew. You also have modifiable risk factors, so you can head this in the right direction!

Take it easy, my friend .

[AndrewP]

Anyhow, strange, a bed frame suddenly developing poor structural integrity. With the joints all poorly glued it must squeak quite a bit I would hazard.

I've spent most of my career working in industrial environments. I recently went through and refreshed my WHMIS training here at the acid plant. Identifying risk factors in the workplace and then managing that risk is part of ensuring a safe environment for all. Generally speaking, instruction manuals for any equipment or chemicals need to be easily available and the operator needs to be familiar with them. If the operator in any way is not fully confident that they understand what they need to do and the attendant risks then they are required to refuse to do the job and inform their supervisor. Next time I'm over I'll need to check to see if the SDS and technical manuals are all up to date and clearly labeled. I do have confidence in my supervisor to provide me with direction whenever I have doubts about the proper use and care of the equipment and processes involved

As a friend, and a nurse, who’s jam is cardiac.....

Clogged arteries? Leaky valves?!?

Are you being medically managed? Do you follow up with your cardiologist every 6 months? Have echocardiograms? and stress tests?

That episode scared me as it must have scared you. Your body is saying, slow down!!!

I understand you are wanting to help a lot and do the heavy lifting for her, but not at the expense of your health.

You would benefit from some good cardio like long walks.

You are too young, andrew. You also have modifiable risk factors, so you can head this in the right direction!

Take it easy, my friend .

Thanks Ginger. Given our "universal health-care" - the amount of follow-up that I get are probably less than would happen in your system. On the other hand, I'm over 10 years out from my initial diagnosis and have been stable for quite a long time. With that said, I've had great care from both my primary care provider and my cardiologist. I haven't seen either though in over a year - but on the other hand, my condition hasn't changed and it is managed with a combination of meds and lifestyle choices. Generally I do try to get out for a minimum of 1 hour of brisk walking which is usually about 4 km each week. I do consider a day doing house-work as a reasonable substitute. My favourite cleaning product is elbow grease after-all.

My cardiologist has done a couple of stress tests which I passed with ease. They did do an angio-gram about 10 years ago which is where the blockages were identified. They chose - in my mind wisely - to have me manage my risk factors rather than put in a stent. I've had a couple echo-cardiograms, the last one I think just before bomb-day - so about 4 years - that identified leaking mitral and tri-cuspid valves which my primary care provider said was perfectly normal in a man of my age. My colo-rectal surgeon actually identified the heart murmur when doing a pre-op health check.

I am very aware I feel of what risk factors I still have that I am working on. I "need" to lose about 20lbs which will put me back down to my post bomb-day weight. My alcohol consumption is way down especially in recent times. I pretty much never eat anything with the word processed in it, nor do I add salt to anything I cook. I try to get regular moderate exercise and rarely do heavy or intense exercise or lifting.

It's probably been 6 months or so since my last angina attack of this sort. I am confident that S will be supportive of me as she has been very very clear that she wants to be in making sure that I follow the core instruction from my doctor of "don't be stupid".

[dream]

I worry about you Andrew.