Divorce and Acceptance part 5

[OwnIt]

Pax, I think it's human nature when you near the end of something to look back on it a little more fondly than perhaps it warrants. Also, life/death stuff that is all around us now makes us more wistful and melancholy than usual. I think for me, I almost feel a Stockholm Syndrome thing by my inability to get away.

When those times come, I try to remember the hurt and the pain. Because that is the reality now. Yours not only cheated and lied to you, he hid money, lied to courts, tried to make you have to pay him, treats you like a plague carrier when you switch the dog. Not a good guy there and from what it sounds, no sense that he's gotten any kinder or more decent.

When I think about my life and what excites me, it is always a forward-looking thing now. Always the place I'm moving, my new home, what I will do there, how I spend time, the people I will meet. It isn't the past and it isn't someone who taught me he's untrustworthy, disloyal, and unfaithful.

[wooba]

Pax, I think it is very nice of you to think of your ex in times like this. I pray for you that you will stay healthy and safe through this crisis.

OwnIt, what you wrote reminds me of something that I read recently about recalling memories.

What I read was something like this....(translated)

Mesmerizing moments are fleeting. Painful moments seem to last forever. At the same time, mesmerizing moments are infinite. They are infinite because they are often immortalized. We recall the good moments over and over again, and in the process we add a little here and there, making it as grand as complicated as ever, like a maze that we cannot get out of. On the other hand, we avoid recalling the painful moments like the plague. Even if the moments pop into our minds surreptitiously, we'd do anything to run away from it. If we cannot outrun it, we eventually chose to forget it, simplify it, and turn it into a smoke, where we can blow on it, and it will disappear.

We must forgive to move forward with our lives, but most likely we won't be able to forget. When you say that you try to remember the hurt and the pain, it makes me think about how I will remember my current hurt and pain. not agreeing or disagreeing with you, just that you got me thinking.

[OwnIt]

Wooba, in time you will remember the painful times without the pain. To me, that is the essence of healing. They become more of a memory of oh yeah, my spouse was not really this fantastic person I remember them being, just a real person with real flaws, and it makes the new thoughts and the new memories more vivid and desirable.

[Pax_luv]

Thank you wooba and own for your feedback above. I didn’t want your comments to go unnoticed, but oh my gosh... what a week.

I have to admit... I’m becoming obsessed with this pandemic. I live it as part of my job, and I live it as a human. It’s shaken me. I’ve never been super religious, but god bless each and every person who is putting themselves at risk for their fellow man.

I’m trying really really hard to focus on the things that are within my control. This is just a maddening experience and I feel helpless. The healthcare system is in bad shape. Just stay the f home people. I want to get on my hands and knees and beg people to stay home.

I’m here today to ask for reading recommendations. Any good books out there to help me cope with this crippling anxiety I’m feeling? I went through the ole bomb drop/ dB books that I starting reading at the beginning of my journey and I don’t think any of them will cut it. I thumbed through my eckhart tolle books... nah. Not what I needed.

This is a hard time and I’m using every tool I have to keep me centered.

[AndrewP]

I've found myself in a similar situation. I've found that light reading helps me escape but yes - I do obsess over the news cycle.

Some books like "Man's search for meaning" which is often recommended here, would be far far too dark for me now.

Sorry that I can't help more.

[wooba]

I just started reading "the Road to Character."

other times I take my mind off things by watching Netflix. Ha!

[DnJ]

Good Morning Pax

I do understand and empathize with you. Us front line critical worker cannot sit this thing out.

Your post inspired a response from me which got a little wordy - imagine that! I moved it to my thread. It’s all about rationalizing and such. Typical from me.

I do feel for the health care system. Too many people seeking it out right now.

Take care of yourself.

DnJ

[Believe6]

Pax, thank you for your compassion and care. I know that it must be stressful. Anxiety is definitely rampant. For someone like me who has it even without this pandemic, it is doubly so. What is helping me is meditation, using Byron Katie's the Work to question my stressful thoughts... may want to check out her podcast with Oprah and Supersoul Sunday... she also has a website and lots of videos. Also, use EFT tapping. Gary Craig teaches how to do it to help with the feelings that get too intense. Helps me at least bring down the level. Also, breath into your belly. Make sure you take deep breaths all the way into your belly. You probably already know and do this, but every time someone reminds me, even thought I know this, I do it and I feel calmer.

Also, if you believe in anything... higher power, whatever, keep giving it all up. Blessings

[cardinal]

I know you asked for books, Pax, and I’m not 100% sure I can share the name of a podcast, so please
edit if needed, mods, but if you google “coronavirus sanity guide” you should find the first result is a page from Ten Percent Happier—they’ve got guided meditations and they’ve also got a podcast on managing anxiety related to the pandemic, with both a doctor and a rabbi/meditation expert talking about ways to acknowledge our anxiety and practice even little moments of mindfulness throughout the day. I find the podcast episode really calming to listen and re-listen to.

[Believe6]

Pax, Checking in today with the forum. With us all being trapped at home, I am trying to reach out and just check on the world at large. Those of us dealing with MLCers and the aftermath... it can be hard. Especially sheltering in place with them. Lol.

I hope you are getting time to be peaceful with yourself. That you are healthy. That your family and friends are surrounding you with love and support. Sending you good thoughts.

Blessings