Divorce and Acceptance part 5

[OwnIt]

So not surprising. Getting too close to the end and he didn't like that the lawyer wouldn't do something unethical or whatever in prep for trial, most likely.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Maybe the next one will be better or the judge will be fed up.

[Pax_luv]

Thanks Job and own-
Not my circus, is correct! I couldn’t care less. I just don’t want this switch-up to delay any more.

So this is kind of interesting- I noticed that the last 2 dog changes, ex’s lawyer friend was at the house. This is the guy who helps ex scheme. He’s not a family law attorney. Before my ex even dropped the bomb on me, he told me was talking to this guy who did say to him that... “its a community property state ... pax would get half of everything.” (((Hahahaha. I can laugh now... i had no idea divorce was even on the table back then and that my husband was talking about it to others. Hahahahaha stupid girl!)

This lawyer is either on his 3rd or 4th marrriage so he’s a great role model and has been in lock step with ex this whole time. He also hid some of ex’s money for him....

Anyway, whenever the lawyer friend was at the house I knew that something was going to come my way... some curve ball would soon follow, and it always did. I would start to get anxiety just waiting for the next piece to reveal itself.

But this time, I felt nothing. Nada.... I had no interest in even contemplating what it might be. I guess that’s just how “done” I am with all of this.
So with the news of the new attorney, I now know what their meeting was likely about.

It’s interesting because I was reflecting on the fact that I felt nothing about it and I can imagine my whole sitch as a series of gears (like watch gears) where one of the large gears clicks forward so slowly,
But then the other smaller ones move next at much quicker paces. I feel like my life is in ticking order now and I just needed that large gear tou keep moving forward.. haha the visual is better in my head.

Anyway.... we shall just wait and see what’s next. Let’s get this thing over with!!

[Pax_luv]

Hello,
So admittedly, ex threw a bit of a legal curveball last week that had me worried. I ended up talking with my lawyer about it and I was surprised how emotional I was talking through some of the items. My divorce trial is sooooo far away still, and I can’t let the next 9 months go by with me having anxiety over it. But the truth is, I’m scared. I’m scared for the outcome. My lawyer has had to remind me several times that the burden of proof is going to be on ex. Because he claims x,y,z, doesn’t mean it’s true. And if he wants it to be true, he needs to prove it and it’s going to take a lot of work on his end to prove it.

And see, in my mind, I’m like- oh my gosh how do I prove this isn’t true??? And I don’t necessarily have that info except I can say, that’s not true at all. It’s really tough.

So, here I am at work just trying to center myself. I’m a little emotional today. Lots going on. There’s a lot of stressors right now. I need to make myself and my wellbeing a priority in order to keep moving forward.

[OwnIt]

Pax, don't forget too that I'm sure your lawyer sent discovery and he has an obligation to respond in advance and provide the materials he intends to rely on. That should give you some time to confirm the authenticity, since we know your ex-H is not above fabrication.

It's going to be ok. Try not to borrow trouble. Did you see DnJ's advice about not making up his mind about what he will find at a call until he gets there? It wasn't too far back and it was such a great antidote to those of us who have become hyper-vigilant from the trauma we have suffered.

[Pax_luv]

Thanks Own. I hear ya, I’m definitely not trying to borrow trouble. I think I’m on edge and like any little thing is triggering me. With this latest curveball, we need to issue new discovery and I know ex won’t be happy. Not my problem.

I usually pop in here when I need to process my thoughts and feelings and today is one of those days.
It’s been a sad week. There was a suicide at work which was shocking and I just found out my friends husband passed away and i am gutted for her. These are not my problems but I’m just sad for those involved. Grief is such a tough thing to process and I feel for those who must embark on that journey. It’s a long, hard road.

I feel for my friend especially. The world is just a sad place right now. Her hubby was one of the good ones. A big burly mans-man, but oh my gosh did he love his wife and family. He was ill, but this was completely unexpected.

Its just strange because I was thinking of my friend this morning on the way to work. I was going to text her and check on her and see how her hubby was recovering.

She was the one who wanted me to keep standing for my marriage. She and her hubs were married a long time, had their share of problems and challenges, but they made a commitment to keep going. She kept telling me it was the best decision she ever made. And, I think, because they persevered, they had a stronger relationship. I mean, they are #relationshipgoals. So much love and respect for each other and the life they have built and it was so genuine. His passing is a huge loss for them, and so many others actually.

Also, today is my engagement anniversary. I didn’t actually remember- Facebook reminded me. I will always remember how ex was like... “let’s just get this over with” as he was taking me to the place where he wanted to propose. So honestly, I was comparing my situation to theirs this morning because it was on my mind and I just feel/felt sad about it. I go through phases where I just feel so unloved and I have to keep reliving it with this lawsuit.

Anyway, those are the thoughts going through my mind. And as always, it’s just a reminder to never ever take for granted those around us. They could be gone in the blink of an eye. Its just so sad.

[kml]

I will always remember how ex was like... “let’s just get this over with” as he was taking me to the place where he wanted to propose.

I wonder how many of us had bad proposals and ignored the warning sign?

Mine took me away on a weekend vacation, and stopped the care just afer we got on the freeway to tell me he was going to propose to me that weekend but he just couldn't. I just said "that's ok" and we went ahead with our weekend. The next night he proposed to me at sunset and I told him no, he wasn't ready, but he pleaded and I accepted. Looking back I was a ridiculous doufus. If after a year of living together he was still so confused I should have run the other way, or at least stood firm in my refusal. (In retrospect, it's possible that guilt was eating at him, as he had been gone on a medical trip for part of the previous summer, and when he came home wanted to move into his own place. I talked him out of that - it was financially impractical for both of us for one thing - but in retrospect, I suspect he had a fling with one of the other medical students on the trip. I never connected the dots until after my divorce, but now I question a lot of things like that.)

Anybody else out there have a bad proposal that should have been a big red flag?

[job]

I had a bad proposal too. My xh and I were sitting in his mother's living room watching TV and he had been drinking. Out of his mouth came "let's get married". I just looked at him and laughed because I thought he was drunk. That was in the month of August and come January/February, he was having second thoughts and I had no issue w/not marrying him at that time.....but before he went back the Galena, Alaska for the last part of his tour there, he again asked me.

I should have seen all of the red flags, but when you are 20...you don't think about them. I, too, question a lot of things from that time and all the way up until after our divorce.

[Pax_luv]

Wow. Time sure does fly. It’s been a month since my last post. Nothing to report.... just living my life and grateful for having moved on from my sitch despite the looming d trial. Overall life is good. I have a great circle of friends who inspire and keep me busy. I’m slowly integrating exercise back in to my life after burning myself out from working out too much and feeling burnt out in general over work. I’m reprioritizing myself and am starting to feel back on track.

I used to read here before bed every night and now I watch lawyer shows. Watching tv in bed is not a habit I want to adopt, but I’m just getting my mind geared for the trial. In the meantime, I look forward to finding some time to catch up on every one else’s threads.

Anyway, as mentioned, nothing new to report. I think ex has tried to “poke” me in subtle ways, but I haven’t batted an eye. He just seems off his rocker. Weirdo.

Still dealing with nonsense from his old lawyer. His old lawyer had to finish up work from last year and hasn’t submitted his docs nor has he officially brought the new lawyer up to speed. What is the deal with them???

Lastly, I’d be surprised if ex doesn’t try to settle this thing before going to trial. I think there’s too much opportunity for exposure. I hope his new lawyer is realistic.

Weird that the mediator from December said that he “was suspicious” of the story ex was painting and that clearly “ex had been prepped”. Do you think a judge would catch on to that?

Well, that’s all I got. Wishing you a lovely week ahead.

[OwnIt]

Great update Pax. Judges generally spend less time with parties than mediators, so don't expect a judge would pick up on that or even care for that matter.

[Pax_luv]

Hello DB land,
Hope you’re staying healthy out there. I’m not a clinician but I work in healthcare and it’s nuts. So bananas. It’s hard to wrap my brain around it.

It’s scary seeing common day human behavior play out and it makes me sad. Hard to say what will happen in the upcoming weeks. I hope we all check back into what it means to be civil and caring for fellow man.

So.... if I’m honest, I often have a little bit of compassion for my ex during this time of year. He has a big-big birthday coming up, a huge milestone in which he often placed his goals against... ie: “by the time I’m xx, I will (or will not).....”

Granted I know very little about his life, but I can’t imagine he’s where he wanted to be at this time and that might be troubling for him.

With huge milestones, my family goes all out and we would have done the same for him... we did for his last milestone bday 10 years ago. Given all the COVID precautions, I can’t imagine anything monumental going down. Even though he always said he hated his birthday, i knew he actually did like it... he just didn’t want to articulate it because it made him vulnerable. He actually would talk about how he hated anything sentimental... but In hindsight he never wanted to get hurt. Hence the constant cutting and running.

So given the big birthday, the Covid pandemic, and lousy weather.... I just can’t imagine him being in a good spot. Of course I’m making it up, but I always had a fear of him ending his life under these circumstances. He did talk about it before..... I would hope that he doesn’t and has progressed emotionally.

He just doesn’t seem stable to me (and this is just given my crazy divorce case)

Well, that’s all I got. I’ll wish him a happy birthday silently in my heart as a hope that he just has peace in his life. After all, he did f it up pretty badly.