Still married couple from Scandinavia

[BenB]

Journal -

stbxw responded just now to my email I sent her with details on her moving out, the one I posted on Nov 25. This is what she wrote -

"I haven't had time to respond to your other email about the apartment, so much stuff going on as you know, and a lot at work etc.. But it will be fine in time.

And about the apartment, I found another one and are most likely moving this month. I will know for sure on Tuesday, so I'll let you know more details then. It's in XXX(the are I live in), so best is if I could get my stuff from your apartment, because it's closer. If you don't want to see me, maybe you can give your keys to someone, or just give me the keys and I'll fix it while you're away. But I certainly don't mind you being there of course. "

Her selfishness knows no bounds, that is clear for sure. She doesn´t say where is moving exactly, but it´s the same area I live in. I live in a city with a population of close to 2 million and she chooses to live in the same exact area. This is what I responded to her email -

"That´s fine, what I´ll do is that I´ll bring your things down to the first floor and then you can just come and get them from there. I´ll just open for you and you can take it from there.

Sure, if you let me know on Tuesday that is fine."

She can´t drive on her own so I´m sure her dude is going to help her move. Not sure if this is her plan, for me to see her with him to rub it in somehow. Nothing surprises me about her anymore.

The one good thing is that once she picks up those last things, we have no reason to ever communicate again.

[Traveler]

Interesting, Ben! I've thought of Couch Surfing or AirBNB from the perspective of meeting interesting people from around the world--never thought about them as dating opportunities since the folks visiting are usually from outside my state or country. Glad you're having fun! Good luck with the move out.

[AnotherStander]

Hey Ben, great response to your W on getting her stuff. You're doing awesome! Very sorry to hear about the two supermodel Ukrainian girls camping out in your spare bedroom. That sounds terribly difficult

[BenB]

Thanks C and AS

It was fun hanging out with the girls but I think next time I´ll host someone traveling alone. The first night we went to a restaurant and a bar afterwards and it was great, but I realized I don´t have the energy of several nights in a row! These young girls, especially being tourists, wanted to do new things all day long so it got a bit exhausting.

On another note, something that has helped me a lot is a supplement called agmatine. Anyone here ever heard about it? It´s supposed to be used for a better pump when working out but people are using it to reduce anxiety and various other reasons. I´ve been using it for a while now and feel more calm, almost stoic in a way. The only "side effect" is that it reduces your tolerance to pretty much all other substances so you can´t use the same amount of whatever other medicine you are taking. I have friends who stopped taking AD and only use agmatine instead. Anyway, works well for me so thought I´d mention it here.

[BenB]

Journal -

W emailed me to let me know she has found an apartment and is moving out of the one I got for her this month. She asked if I could wire her enough to pay two months rent deposit and from then on a specific amount each month which would help pay the rent at the new apartment. This tells me she is making a very unwise decision. This divorce money was meant to buy her new furniture or at least pay off some of her debts, but now she is using most of it just to live nice for a relatively short period of time(it´s a one year contract).

She wrote that she just needs to figure out how to move all her things since she can´t afford a car or hire someone to do it. I bet she was hoping I´d offer to help. What I felt like writing back was "by the looks of it you have a "friend" who can help". I wrote -


"If you need more of your money to move the things let me know."

She sent two emails and explained more than she needed to, about how hard it was to find a place and that she was panicking for a while etc. I didn´t respond to any of that.

[BenB]

Journal -

Stbxw messaged me about 2 hours ago. I was on my way home when I saw it.

W: Hi, so I have a little issue. The company that was supposed to move all my things stood me up and I´m in my hallway with all my stuff, idk what to do. Can´t rent a car by myself either. Do you think you can help me? It will just take one round, everything will fit in one car same size as we had when I moved out. I will pay you of course! I really really need help...

Me: Which date were you supposed to move?

W sends me a picture of all her things packed up in the apartment.

W: Right now I´ve called 10 companies. They are all booked. Waiting for reply from the last one.

Me: I´ll get back to you when I´m home.

Wasn´t sure what to do or what this was. I knew I can´t help her move so I thought about asking my brother if he knows people who she could hire to help her instead. But then she wrote -

W: I just got an offer from that last company if I wanted, expensive but I could take that if you can´t. Don´t want you to feel pressure.

I didn´t answer at first so she wrote again

W: What do you think?

Me: How much will they charge?

W: 2000 SEK(approx.200 usd) if we manage within two hours.

Me: That´s not that expensive, you should take it. Renting a van would cost 1400 sek for 24 hours but sounds like you can manage in 2.

W: Okey, I´ll do that then Never hire this company xxxxx!

Me: Ok, good luck! Ok, thanks!

W: Thank you


That´s the first I´ve heard from her in a while. I assume she actually needed help but can´t help but wonder if she wants to see if I´m still attached in some way.

[Westo]

I think you gave the perfect response. Comes across to me, that you have very nicely detached.

[BenB]

I think you gave the perfect response. Comes across to me, that you have very nicely detached.

Thank you Westo,

It´s so much easier for me since we don´t have kids. It must be so hard for everyone here who has to see their spouse all the time.

[AnotherStander]

I´m in my hallway with all my stuff

W sends me a picture of all her things packed up in the apartment

Sounds like she was being overly dramatic (says "in the hallway with my stuff" like it was an emergency, when in fact her stuff was still in the apartment). You handled it great Ben! You didn't rush to rescue her, you didn't freak out, you calmly responded and gave her time to figure it out herself. Well done!

Oh and yes, I'd say chances are very good it was a temperature check on her part.

[BenB]

Thanks AS!

Yeah, completely agree. She doesn´t have to move out until end of this month so worst case she would have had to unpack few of her boxes.

Can´t believe all this time has passed and they still try to temp check.