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A Message from Michele
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Re: I Still Have the Urge to Reach Out [Re: Westo] #2875241
12/08/19 08:51 PM
12/08/19 08:51 PM
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CanBird Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Westo
I can understand you wanting to reach out again. I was exactly the same.

I remember thinking if I did and he didn’t answer, I’d be more hurt and annoyed than I was before. It’s important that you think of your well being in all this.

We have a saying here, ‘he’s big enough and ugly enough to look after himself’.

If he doesn’t respond and you are at peace with that, then ok. You could just text asking if the is well. But be prepared for no response.

He’s being very unfair, especially as you have a small child. But then people who are depressed or in MLC are.

Is D3 asking for him at all?



"He's big enough & ugly enough to look after himself." ha! This made me lol. My newest mantra when thinking about H in mlc is BIG & UGLY.

Yes, totally being unfair. Is he afraid to reach out? I want to know if he's okay, as in not in a deep depression. I feel like a bad friend for not checking in. Does that make sense? I don't expect him to respond. I would say, "Hi. No need to reply. Hope you are well & safe. In our thoughts."

D3 is not asking for him at all, but has in past months. She thinks he's still working. That's our normal too. She's only ever known for her Daddy to be away for 1/2 the year. IMHO, her being so young, she doesn't really grasp the concept of time. And for me as well, H being away months at a time at sea/work is normal. I'm use to doing things on my own, from day 1.

BIG & UGLY. Yep. That pretty much says it all.


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away @ sea/work)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec A ow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys back to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
1 m 2gther Covid
April 22 H back to work
Re: I Still Have the Urge to Reach Out [Re: DnJ] #2875242
12/08/19 08:54 PM
12/08/19 08:54 PM
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Posts: 505
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CanBird Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Hang in there Can.

Dig for patience.

(((Can)))

DnJ



Thanks DnJ. I will dig. (Probably in the dirt later).


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away @ sea/work)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec A ow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys back to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
1 m 2gther Covid
April 22 H back to work
Today: Saving my Marriage Alone pt 4 [Re: CanBird] #2875274
12/09/19 04:12 AM
12/09/19 04:12 AM
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CanBird Offline OP
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Journal~ Text & spoke with Step-MIL a bit this morning, eventually the subject of Christmas came up. I said I just want to stay here (home). I know we are welcome to spend it with them, but I'd rather be in my own home. I'm not even thinking that far ahead, but do know I want to be home.


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away @ sea/work)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec A ow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys back to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
1 m 2gther Covid
April 22 H back to work
Re: Today: Saving my Marriage Alone pt 4 [Re: CanBird] #2875319
12/09/19 02:59 PM
12/09/19 02:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,550
Southern Maryland
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I don't blame you....I'd want to be in my own home for Christmas, especially when you have a little one who is looking forward to the big day.

You are wise to take it one day at a time because anything can happen before Christmas.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Today: Saving my Marriage Alone pt 4 [Re: CanBird] #2875349
12/09/19 05:04 PM
12/09/19 05:04 PM
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Westo Offline
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I would rather be home with my little one too.

I’d be very very surprised if you didn’t hear from H over Christmas, even if it’s just a card. You will both be on his mind at this time.

Especially D3.

Re: Today: Saving my Marriage Alone pt 4 [Re: CanBird] #2875351
12/09/19 05:05 PM
12/09/19 05:05 PM
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Btw, glad I made you lol at our little saying over here. We all need a giggle occasionally!

A Day Without Explanations [Re: CanBird] #2875465
12/10/19 08:49 AM
12/10/19 08:49 AM
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Journaling~ D3 & I did our Monday mommy & me thing. No one ask about H! What a relief! I was all psyched this morning, feeling more confident, having said my speal a few times now. I practice saying it, because I know people will ask.

"He's taking sometime for himself".

Now that those words are rolling out easily, what about those that ask for more details? How can you phrase things in such a way to stop the conversation going further? What can you say without sounding rude? I've thought of saying, "I'd rather not discuss it further./I really don't want to talk about it." Hopefully that sends a clear message. Is that rude or too blunt? I'm just being honest.

While on the subject of being honest, every car I hear, noises outside..is it him? Will he just come home? Nah. He'd reach out to see if he's welcome. Will he? Yeah I know..GAL..lol..

Btw, that book I got from the library on depression was horrible. The title was pretty hokey, I should have known better. Returned it the next day..lol..

Still standing because I believe in seeing things through. For me, not enough has been revealed to make any drastic changes. And especially for D3, I need to see this through for her too.

Keeping my eyes open for sudden/new changes. OH! THE MOON! New moon coming!


~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away @ sea/work)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec A ow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys back to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
1 m 2gther Covid
April 22 H back to work
OMG an email from H. He's flying home 12/11 [Re: CanBird] #2875468
12/10/19 09:51 AM
12/10/19 09:51 AM
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CanBird Offline OP
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OMG I'm in shock. Disbelief.

Just as I'm on my way to bed, it's almost midnight...I check my email and..

WHATS THIS? An email from H? WHAT? Sent at 10am this morning.


Hi, I have a flight arriving 12/11 @0900




That's was it. That's all. I almost missed it jumbled amongst all the junk mail. (And an email from my Aunt that wants to visit. Love her, but NO visitors now!! NOT a good time).

Wednesday I'll be working. Made plans to see our mutual friends for lunch. (Have not spoken to friends regarding H, thank goodness).

My heart my heart.

Here we go friends.


Ps- And why not text? He hasn't emailed me in months!




Last edited by CanBird; 12/10/19 09:53 AM.

~Never Give Up~
2019
BD Mar
Apr-Nov(H away @ sea/work)
BD June
Nov H home
Dec A ow/xgf
2020 Jan H wants D
H flys back to ow
March D signed..NOT filed!?
1 m 2gther Covid
April 22 H back to work
Re: OMG an email from H. He's flying home 12/11 [Re: CanBird] #2875474
12/10/19 12:30 PM
12/10/19 12:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,550
Southern Maryland
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Breathe!

When he returns home, listen to what he has to say. Do not ask a lot of questions and follow his lead. Both of you will most likely feel uncomfortable at first, but it will be okay. Make your home a safe place for him to land.

I'm glad he finally emailed you. BTW, do not say anything about his return to anyone at this time. Plans could change and you don't want to go through the hassle of saying "he's taking some time for himself" again.

Hang in there! Everything will fall into place.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: OMG an email from H. He's flying home 12/11 [Re: CanBird] #2875476
12/10/19 12:46 PM
12/10/19 12:46 PM
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Good Morning Can

Originally Posted by CanBird
For me, not enough has been revealed to make any drastic changes.

That is very wise.

Good for getting the feel of “He’s taking time for himself”.

As for follow up inquires/details. Yes, I know you don’t want to be rude. And truthful is still best; doesn’t need to be full disclosure of course.

How about:

“You know, I honestly don’t know what he is thinking.”
“Forgive me, this is really painful to talk about right now.”



The email from H.

Breathe!

Slow down.

What a way to let you know. Right?

He is being super low key. You be the same, well maybe a wee bit more, but no pressure.

No expectations!

Seriously!

He could be an emotional wreck, or void of emotions, or anything.

All he said was flight times. Whatever he is going to do, he is going to do. Be a safe place to land. He is confused and irrational. Keep your head about you and see where this is going.

Have you responded to his email? Keep it short. Maybe - Thank you for letting me know.

Keep your plans for that day and see what happens.

Remember some wise words, “not enough has been revealed to make any drastic changes“.

Breathe girl and let’s see what’s next.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S21 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
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