Thanks G. I love you for always being there for everyone and wishing them well even when you are struggling with things in your own life. I hope it helps you to know that all of us on here know what a catch you are and are keeping you in our prayers every day that you will find what you are looking for or, even better, that what you are looking for will find you!!! I firmly believe there will come a time in your life when you look back on everything you have gone through and you will realize..."Ah...yes...THAT's why everything happened the way it did. It makes PERFECT sense now." I know that will happen for you. Have faith. Keep your PMA and don't forget that we are all here cheering you on. (((HUGS)))
Marathon text conversations with Brook continue. We are learning more and more about each other and it is kinda scary how similar we are. He told me what happened in his marriage. I WISH mine had ended the way his did. He said when his eldest daughter graduated from high school and his XW started early menopause, she really started thinking about her future and apparently he wasn’t in any of those thoughts. So they went to MC and decided to try nesting for awhile. He said they hoped they would find out that they missed each other but what they both discovered is that they liked being apart and were happier. So they decided to make it a permanent situation. No anger or particularly bad feelings. He says they aren’t really friends though. They met at a low point in both of their lives and liked the stability and white picket fence life they built together but there were never really good friends. Not a lot in common. For much of their marriage, he worked shift work so they didn’t see much of each other. Then he took a job teaching at the college that she worked at and they were together 24/7. He said it really shone a spotlight on their relationship and things kind of deteriorated from there.
So of course I told him how things went with my marriage. He was flabbergasted. Said I should write a book because it is an unbelievable story. Yeah...no kidding. Anyway...we also talked about this strange connection we have and even though we know objectively that we don’t REALLY know each other (36 years is a long time), it feels like we do. Not going to put pressure on ourselves to turn it into something super serious but we both feel like it has the potential for at least a really good friendship. Anything more would be a bonus.
We have a date next weekend as he has it off. He just has to check with his daughters first to see what their plans are (good dad!!!) and then we are going to figure something out. I’m excited to see him again in person. Texting is fun but I want to know if that connection and familiarity is there with the physical person. I know it was when we were 14 but that was a really long time ago...lol. Speaking of daughters...SD20 is coming over this weekend to see me and the kids. Boyfriend is staying home so we will have a really good visit.
Have also had a couple texting conversation with Jack this week. My conversations with Brook have really highlighted what was missing in my R with him. We just don’t talk about anything important. We basically just said “hi”, “how are you”, and “what do you think of this crazy weather”. Lots of snow so schools were closed for a couple days. Open today but another snowfall warning for tonight. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as they are predicting. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
Yes, but what a gift Jack was. I know you see it too. He came at the right time in your life (when you were doing good after the D, but also loving the attention in a very healthy way). And it was not-too-serious so that you could be invested but not OVERLY invested. He really helped you put all the yucky feelings behind you.
I guess that's how I read Jack. I want a Jack, but not yet. (K, maybe a Jacqueline!). I know I'll get there. Something respectful and lovely and fun. It was the mutual respect that really showed through, and that I think was key to all of this working out so well.
You are so right Yail. He was EXACTLY what I needed to just get me that extra step past all of it. I will be forever grateful for him and for the gift that he gave me. I will always love him for it. I just know it is not the kind of love that I need long term and he was not the “one”...just too many differences and it would have been too hard over the long haul. I need someone who is in the same place in life and that wasn’t about his age. I am sure there are 38 year olds out there in similar places in their lives (other than years left to retirement). Jack is living the life of a 25 year-old and he does not have a desire to change that anytime soon. As I think you said in a previous post...I needed to decide if I could be okay with that. It is so bizarre to me that I as soon as I made that decision, Brook came into my life. The world works in mysterious ways. <3
Another marathon texting session with Brook last night. Gosh you guys... he is just so different from the OLD people I’ve met. No games. Straight forward. Curious. Thoughtful. Generous. Introspective. Funny. Self-reflective. Forgiving. Positive. Honest. He says he loves talking to me and it is hard to just put down the phone. It was like that when I saw him too... non-stop talking. No awkwardness at all. We are definitely a match intellectually and emotionally...scarily so. The physical part has yet to be determined though and I am, quite frankly, terrified...lol. Hoping to put that off for as long as possible...lol.
I told him I was shocked that D12 hugged him when he left last weekend. I didn’t realize but she had gotten up to “go for a walk” when we were watching the boys play and ran into him in the hallway. They apparently had a nice conversation. He commented that she is very self confident and looked him in the eye the entire time they were talking. It makes sense now why she told me she really likes him. I didn’t think she had had much interaction with him but turns out she did. I had started to wonder why she was gone so long. She didn’t mention running into him when she got back either. Maybe she was checking him out for me...lol. She is an old soul that kid of mine. So blessed.
Oh...totally embarrassing moment last night. Buddy texted me while I was texting with Brook. I told him Brook and I had a date next weekend and then texted...”I was so in love with him when I was 14.” As soon as I hit “send”, I realized I had sent it to Brook by mistake...lol. I followed it up with ... “OMG. Wrong person.” He thought it was hilarious and helped me save face by saying he kinda knew that already...lol. Still...now he knows I was talking about him...lol. He did ask me what Buddy thought about us going out and I truthfully told him that Buddy thought it was “great”. Definitely a good sign that Buddy approves because they played on a team together so he knows his character. And Buddy loves me like a sister so I know he would definitely voice his concerns if he had any.
SD20 arrived last night. Gawd I love that kid!! She has so much energy. She came running out from the ferry and fell into my care giggling because the weather was so gross and she was running like she was worried she was going to slip and fall. Last night I was in my room and I could here her in the kitchen with the twins talking non stop. I like to give them some alone time when she is here. She takes her role as big sister very seriously and always wants to check in with them and make sure they are okay without a parent listening in. I gave her a silver bracelet I had ordered for her for Christmas that didn’t make it in time. It has waves engraved on the outside and on the inside it says...”To my bonus daughter. I may not have given you the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of you.” She cried a little. One of her biggest fears when me and her dad separated is that she would lose me. I wanted her to know how important she is to me so she doesn’t worry about that anymore.
XH and I have had some really positive text exchanges lately. I must say... getting to a place of total detachment really helps with that. Even with everything that has happened, including the reading of all my posts on here, I have no more animosity towards him. I just want us to be good parents to our kids and the easiest way for that to happen is for us to have a friendly relationship. I don’t think we will ever be friends that hang out but we can be friendly and work together. I have realized that I feel like my best self when we are getting along and I no longer care if he deserves my forgiveness or not because I know that I do. (((HUGS))) to all!!! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!
Had an out-of-the-blue text from Jack. He misses me. Wanted to know if we could spend the night together and cuddle. He then added that if I was seeing someone, he would probably prefer not to know. Ugh. That sucked. So I texted him that I didn’t know what to say and he texted that I should just say no and that I am seeing someone. Only he just said that he didn’t want to know. So...I basically revisited the reasons we broke up and told him that I can’t go backwards. I declined to comment on my dating status. Technically I’m not “seeing” someone at the moment even though Brook and I are likely heading down that path. But...I just didn’t see the point in hurting him any more than I already have and the reasons we broke up are not about anyone else. Even if there was no Brook, I would still Honestly...I don’t think it is “me” that he is missing so much as he is missing the vacation from his life that I am to him. He still needs to find a job...and a direction... I can’t be that for him. Knowing him like I do, it took a lot for him to text me and admit that he misses me. It really, really hurt to turn him down but I know it is for the best.
Haven’t heard from Jack so I think he has accepted what I said. I looked back at our exchange and it reminded me of all of the others...me doing 90% of the talking and him giving me very little back. Even though he is the one who contacted me, he still took an hour to get back to me in the middle of our conversation. I just need more in a relationship. I need an equal partner who gives as much as he gets. Jack had some really good qualities - honest, affectionate, talented, smart, funny... but there were also some significant challenges that would have gotten more significant over time. Maybe in my 30s I might have rolled the dice on those but not in my 50s. I know now what I want and what I need.
Brook’s team won the tournament last night. He texted me to let me know and then texted when he was getting ready to drive the bus back home. He then texted me when he got home to let me know he made it safe and sound and we had a brief conversation before saying good night. I love that he texted me he had arrived safe without me asking him to. He is just a thoughtful person and he is thinking about me and knows I am the kind of person who would want a “made it home safe” text.
I am really looking forward to our date next week. I just want to see him before our texting relationship raises the roof on expectations. Thankfully we have seen each other once and talked in person but it wasn’t the high pressure situation of a one-on-one date. Even just thinking about it I can feel the butterflies starting. This week is going to crawl by!!!
Just got the nicest text from my younger brother. Makes me think I have done something right in my life. I was telling him that I had run into Brook again (he remembers him and “nothing bad comes to mind” thankfully) and we have lots in common and a date next weekend.
To this he replied... “All people can find things in common, especially you. You can find things in common with most people. You are eminently interested in things people are interested in. It’s what makes you one of the most likeable people I’ve ever known. You need to stop and deliberately look at what you need as the important thing. After what you’ve been through, you need to make sure what you want in life is met. I love you sis, and support whatever you choose. I just hope you look out for you. I’m not there to do it for you. I’d like to be, for all the times you did it for me.” <3.
I am so blessed to have the relationship I have with my siblings. There is great love in my life whether I find “the one” or not. Wishing all of you the same... (((HUGS)))
(((HUGS))) to all!!! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!