All of the lines come down the center of the boat to the helm at the front (inside) of the salon/saloon. All you have to do step out to make adjustments to the sails. The windlass is right there as well so you can anchor solo. Too cool and way out of my price range.
Being able to single-hand is useful - in many aspects of life. So often you will expect to have crew show up ready to haul a line or assist with some bottom painting and you are left showing up on the quay all by yourself.
Originally Posted by doodler
Happy non-metric Thanksgiving.
Thanks! The restaurant that S and I had dinner at last night offered a turkey and stuffing poutine. I thought of you
Originally Posted by kml
(Please tell me she's post-menopausal or has had her tubes tied???) That part is on her.
Menopause at 40 that went smoothly and without drama. I was snipped a month or so before S25 was born. If a baby shows up, there had darned well better be three dudes showing up with expensive presents as well.
Originally Posted by kml
I'm not saying people can't change, and maybe she's growing up, BUT she hasn't quite demonstrated that yet. And if you ever did marry - her or someone else - I'd suggest getting an ironclad pre-nup first.
All that being said, I'm glad you had a nice time. Just take your time and pay attention.
Thanks kml. Thus far everything she has said or done has been consistent and where available, backed up with corroborating evidence. When I was dating B, I'd reached out to my lawyer and he said that a co-habitation agreement (we're nowhere near needing one) is a pretty standard thing and he'd be happy to assist. At 55 I have a future to protect. Both S and I have a lot of things to deal with on our different sides before we can consider any sort of co-habitation and we're both open about that. While we've talked about it as a possible future in general terms, there are a lot of unknown unknowns and we both are very clear on that. The fact that it's not just two people and the fact that the kids involved are of an age where they are entitled to a say in what happens in their lives is just part of it. Her kids especially have to be comfortable with the idea that I exist and S having been through multiple episodes of resettling them only to have them uprooted is I think terrified of the idea of doing that again. I think that one reason she wanted me around her place so early was in part to see if the kids could accept me / I would be fine with them before she invested too much in the relationship.
Additionally, I think that given her history that she's even more reluctant to expose herself to risk than I am. Her past marriages all ended up with her suffering some sort of financial calamity on top of the emotional. But - to speak honestly - she's also more in need of a safety net than I am too which is why even now she doesn't have a clear picture in to my finances beyond the fact that I am debt free aside from mortgage and car payments and can also a nice vacation each year.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Menopause at 40 that went smoothly and without drama. I was snipped a month or so before S25 was born. If a baby shows up, there had darned well better be three dudes showing up with expensive presents as well.
Lol! Btw, that early menopause was probably a celiac thing.
All of the lines come down the center of the boat to the helm at the front (inside) of the salon/saloon. All you have to do step out to make adjustments to the sails. The windlass is right there as well so you can anchor solo. Too cool and way out of my price range.
Being able to single-hand is useful - in many aspects of life. So often you will expect to have crew show up ready to haul a line or assist with some bottom painting and you are left showing up on the quay all by yourself.
Solo sailing does have it's benefits. Although, I would consider a hairy hippie chick crew; I'm certainly not quay.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Originally Posted by doodler
Happy non-metric Thanksgiving.
Thanks! The restaurant that S and I had dinner at last night offered a turkey and stuffing poutine. I thought of you
That's a great idea; a Thanksgiving deep dish poutine pizza. The first layer is pumpkin pie, the next layer is turkey and stuffing poutine topped with cranberry sauce. Yum!
Poor 20S. She's hurting so very very bad right now. She wanted me to drive her 3 hours to where her boyfriend is so that she could beg for them to try again. It took effort to say no but to offer a shoulder instead.
She's been through this before - she has a history of making poor choices in partners. I hurt for her though. It takes quite the effort to not try to help her in the ways that she's asking to be helped. I think she's burned through all of her friends and family. S25 told me that pretty much nobody liked her boyfriend - a list that includes me.
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Had an odd encounter last night. I saw a promotion for a new bow tie style that I thought CL's S15 (I think that's how old he is) would like so sent it to her. Got a "thanks" and short note that her life is boring and the same as it's always been. My response that my life is complicated and that I recently was visiting my girlfriend's grandson I think was quite the shock to her based on her response. I had noticed her making plans with my family to come up for a visit during a regular get-together so it's undoubtedly good that she knows about my status. Presuming that she still had some interest in me that is.
Back to work in a rainy day. S is coming by later for dinner and an overnight - not sure what we'll having for dinner.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Oh - and it seems that D27 is talking to me again - at least texting / snapchat. Her first message was a picture of my apology card late last week. I'll probably see about having a regular call with her next week sometime.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Bored at work. Inventory count today so nothing is moving through the plant. I have stuff to do but poor motivation.
DnJ's post about pet names got me thinking and I didn't want to thread-jack OwnIt's thread more than necessary.
Since I was about 18, when I went off to University I changed my preference from Andy to Andrew. One reason is that that was the name that went on all the forms and I just went with the flow. The other was that changing the name I used for myself was helpful in distancing me from a past that while by most standards was pretty good, had some bad memories. My family largely calls me Andy and to my young nephew I'm "Uncle Andy". It used to jar but since my divorce doesn't. My ex who has a 9 letter name that was never shortened in casual use, insisted to all and sundry to refer to me as Andrew - sometimes rather forcefully. She was in some ways very protective of me as well as dominating me.
S told me that she had a policy of not dating anyone who had a "boy's name" as she felt that it would be a red flag that they were big man-babies. Something she'd encountered multiple times by what I gathered. She also mentioned rather to my surprise but then again not, that I am by far the youngest guy she's dated being only 4 years older than her.
When S and I were on our adventures the topic of pet names came up when I mentioned that I was working on avoiding doing the same things / saying the same things that I did in previous relationships. Kinda hard. She asked if my ex and I had pet names for each other. I said yes. And no - it had nothing to do with tacos, I didn't tell her what they were and there is a pretty much zero chance that either of us will use them. Hun or Hunny are no-go areas for her. XH#1 and STBX both used that even though she asked her STBX to not use it. It's not a normal one for me to use although B used it earlier on with me and it was fine by me.
An interesting topic.
One thing that I'm working through that is undoubtedly completely normal is relationship anxiety. I had this with B as well. During times when I've not heard from S in a fair while, or if her message to me isn't all warm and fuzzy, I start to wonder if she is actually committed to making things work. Undoubtedly silly and undoubtedly normal. But certainly a sign that I am in many ways a pretty insecure person at least with regards to personal relationships.
Speaking of books - S is reading and making no attempt at concealing that she's reading "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love". I didn't comment or ask but I've looked up what it's about and it's not quite what I thought it would be. It is indeed something that would match what I understand to be S' personality. She is on medication for ADHD (don't recall what) and she does say that she has a real difficulty focusing if she forgets her pills. She can't stand repetitive noises (I had to remove a ticking clock from the bathroom). With all of that, she's a pretty organized person which being a single mom / in a relationship with an unreliable partner with 5 kids for so many years is undoubtedly a requirement.
The web-site for the book has an online test which I took which also identified me as a "highly sensitive" person. It is true that after high stimulation like volunteering at a community event that I need to decompress and crowds or noisy surroundings can be overwhelming. On the other hand, it may well be that anyone taking the test is marked as such to increase book sales.
Doing some reading up on this is informative and I believe that I need to learn lot more. S mentioned that her regular IC session (she goes twice a month I think) that her therapist challenged her to contrast controlling and caring behaviours. S has been calling me out when I make suggestions about "her stuff" which I make sure to tell her is completely legitimate to have those boundaries. She also commented that it's all well and good that I identify myself as a "fuss-fidgit" but I need to stop fussing over her so much. Also completely legitimate and something I have told her I need to work on and that I am trying to work on.
One thing to note as well is that S commented several times when we were in Ottawa on what a short time-line we've had so she is aware. She said that she herself is trying to stand on the brakes just like I've commented that I'm doing. The smell of brake dust in the morning ... ahhhh.
Wednesday didn't work out as planned. S' S12's dad had something come up so instead of S coming to my place, I went to her's. We hung out for a while, took S12 to his karate class, had dinner and then hung out for a while more. Her S17 bantered back and forth a fair bit and teased me that I should be running away from that family. All in good fun. It's good that they seem comfortable around me. S12 also seemed to have no issue with me being part of dropping him off / picking him up nor riding in my car although it took him a bit to find the door handle on the C-HR. I had noticed that S12 was on a web site that while it is cartoonish does have a lot of sexual and graphic violence references. It is also rather juvinile and yes, I find it generally funny which is how I recognized it. After I got home, I sent S a link to the site and my comment that it was undoubtedly funny to a 12 year old but that some of the content could be a concern and left it with her at that. No clue on if this is an issue for her or not. Not my kid so I have no say in the matter but as a friend I thought it appropriate to quietly notice.
Not sure what the weekend plans are. It's S12's weekend to be with his dad so S has been tentatively planning on coming over after I'm done work today and staying the weekend although she said there were things at her apartment she needs help with. All very normal and rather domestic.
Well - back to work. We have some packaging that shows as being here that isn't here.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Since I was about 18, when I went off to University I changed my preference from Andy to Andrew.
Andrew,
There's a strange coincidence that I never thought about until I read that sentence (above) in your post. My sons have a very good friend; the three of them are like brothers. Their friend's father's name is Andrew, but everyone calls him Andy. Andy is from Canada; I believe he has dual citizenship. Andy's parents were Hungarian; they immigrated from Hungary to Canada when Andy was very young.
Andy was the CEO of a local software company that eventually went public around 1995. (That was back before the Sarbanes-Oxley Act killed the public market for small companies.) I think Andy's company was partially financed by a wealthy Canadian. Regardless, after going public, Andy was (and is) a wealthy man, but he's had multiple marriages so he's not as wealthy as he used to be.
So, I know two Andrews from Canada, or more specifically, from the greater Toronto area. Fortunately, local Andy has never mentioned poutine.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
S' S12's dad had something come up so...
Well mister sensitive, I just had to mention that I think the possessive of S is S's not S'. S' implies plural possessive. Is there another S that you're not telling us about? Are you sure there's not a bun in the oven?
So, I know two Andrews from Canada, or more specifically, from the greater Toronto area. Fortunately, local Andy has never mentioned poutine.
Are you sure he's really Canadian? Does he apologize to the furniture if he bumps in to it?
Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by AndrewP
S' S12's dad had something come up so...
Well mister sensitive, I just had to mention that I think the possessive of S is S's not S'. S' implies plural possessive. Is there another S that you're not telling us about? Are you sure there's not a bun in the oven?
I did buy some non-gluten flour so many ingredients are in place Among other allergies, S is also allergic to yeast so it would be a sort of flat bun / bread thing? And how would you diaper that?
I've never been clear on the use of the apostrophe in these cases. S is of course an abbreviation of a pseudonym. There are more letters involved. And I do not recall Mrs Pletsch's instructions on this. On the other hand, she gave me a low mark in high school English because I didn't agree with the official symbolism in Jonathon Livingston Seagull .... Greater minds than mine may need to be consulted. S has a degree in English but I'm uncertain if that means that she can spell well. Moving 5 kids through school probably gives her better knowledge of the subject than her degree.
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A bit of a news-worth weekend. S was over and we had a nice domestic time of things. We binge-watched the last episodes of Good Omens which we both enjoyed. S it turns out is a fan of 80s era action movies which I have no real exposure with so I have been informed that we'll be watching Terminator sometime soon.
S was working on Saturday around the corner at my friend's cafe so I did the errands etc alone. We cooperatively made dinner on Saturday (beef stir fry) and Sunday (meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gluten-free packaged gravy). We are both impressed by the fact that we can cook together without any issues at all. When I need advice (was stuck on the sauce to use in the stir fry), S and I figured things out. When she needed some extra muscle, I mashed the potatoes. My ex and I could never have worked so well together. And she didn't make very nice gravy.
My meatloaf recipe makes 1 large and 2 small ones which I sent home with S for her boys. They will hopefully be appreciative of my cooking.
The big news is that S' (still not sure on the use of the apostrophe) D18, boyfriend and their dog abruptly moved out on the weekend. S' lease allows her to have one dog and this extra dog was one dog too many and the landlord noticed last week so D18 was informed that she would have to deal with things. D18 and the dog are moving in to S' STBX's house, the boyfriend is probably moving back in with his mother and I really need a crib sheet to keep track of all the people and inter-connectivity. S believes that this move out is permanent with D18 staying where she is and then going off to school in the city in the fall. Not my circus and the monkey aren't mine either. I'm glad that at least for now that she's not giving up the dog who is a rescue mutt that she got only a few months ago. The poor pup is sweet but certainly stressed and nervous.
This was actually one of the large barriers to S and I considering sharing housing as while I have room for stuff, there are only 4 bedrooms so the number of people who can be accommodated is limited. Both S and I though comment that it has only been a couple of months and now that the big dopamine rush of limerence has faded somewhat I think we are being far more rational about things. On the other hand, many here would point out that I've deluded myself before into thinking that I knew what I was doing.
job has expressed the opinion that S will try to move in after the New Year. She might be right although I do actually hope not. There's still a lot of learning about each other and getting comfortable with each other that we both say that we need to do. On the other hand, job has a lot clearer perspective on things in some ways than I do.
In other news, S' XH#2 trashed his car and has doubts on getting a new one - despite making significantly more money than me, he's generally broke. So that means that S12 at least for the near term probably won't be being picked up to see his dad mid-week and on the custody weekends, S will probably have to drive him over for the weekends at least. Annoying but not world ending. Since XH#2 fancies himself as an actor - he wants to retire from his high paying job, work free-lance, try to kick off his acting career and wants S to "just trust him" on child support, he may be getting a car to at least get to auditions. S has enough experience with his shenanigans to not "just trust him".
S' kids seem pretty relaxed with me and laugh, joke and tease. S12 overheard his mother and I talking about how we would adapt the schedule and heckled that we wouldn't be able to kiss on Wednesdays unless we took care of his schedule first.
S suggested that we read her "Highly Sensitive People In Love" book together. So she read part to me and we took the quiz while I did the ironing and I read to her while she made mashed potatoes. At least the beginning is rather a fluff piece and the referenced case studies actually sound like what we see here. "Husband is boring so wife falls for yoga instructor", "spouse can't hold a job and moves family all over the country". The answer it seems is to not be boring. Who woulda thunk that?
More seriously though, there are some nuggets in the book it seems. S and I chatted about our thoughts on the different topics as we went along and generally seem to be in agreement about the book being a bit fluffy but that it's a worth-while exercise to talk about our thoughts on the different issues.
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Just about to get D27's and her husband's separate parcels in to the mail. I'd hoped to do that this past weekend but with the extra busy having S around didn't get to it. I'm still trying to figure out what to get S25 for Christmas. Snow tires would be good but expensive and boring. He does enjoy cooking but never did use the Instant Pot I got him last christmas. He spends a lot of time listening to true crime podcasts
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
This was actually one of the large barriers to S and I considering sharing housing as while I have room for stuff, there are only 4 bedrooms so the number of people who can be accommodated is limited. Both S and I though comment that it has only been a couple of months and now that the big dopamine rush of limerence has faded somewhat I think we are being far more rational about things. On the other hand, many here would point out that I've deluded myself before into thinking that I knew what I was doing.
job has expressed the opinion that S will try to move in after the New Year. She might be right although I do actually hope not. There's still a lot of learning about each other and getting comfortable with each other that we both say that we need to do. On the other hand, job has a lot clearer perspective on things in some ways than I do.
Among other allergies, S is also allergic to yeast so it would be a sort of flat bun / bread thing? And how would you diaper that? 