Still married couple from Scandinavia

[AnotherStander]

I am considering emailing her to say that I got her the apartment so we wouldn´t run in to each other and that she should honor that agreement. Would that be bad?

I agree with LI, don't bother. You want to leave her with the impression that you don't care. Don't cross the street to avoid her, don't comment on who she's hanging out with. If you say something then she'll think "oh yeah, he's still Plan B" but if you don't say anything it'll make her wonder why you don't care anymore. "Is he seeing someone? Has he really forgotten me already? Has he moved on?" I wouldn't be surprised if she finds an excuse to contact you soon if you remain silent.

I found out that she missed two appointments and cancelled them the same day which means I will get charged for those.

Unbelievable. There's really no end to her disrespect.

I told the therapist that I won´t be paying for her anymore so if she calls again, please tell her that.

PERFECT. No need for you to say anything to W, let the therapist handle it.

Clear to me that she is not dealing with her emotions, she is running away from them and seeing this guy instead.

Probably so. That's just going to prevent her from doing the growth that she needs to do. But that's her journey, you tried to help, now it's all on her.

[BenB]

No, by stbxw I mean soon to be ex wife so we will be divorced by mid April next year if I still want to proceed with it. And I most certainly will proceed with the divorce.

Thanks, you´re right. And I´ve thought about that too. In a weird way, I felt sorry for the guy I saw with her. If he´s fallen for her, I have a feeling he´s in for a rude awakening at some point.

[BenB]

AS, right??

The more I look back at this, the more I see these recent events as a blessing.

The lack of respect amazes me. Crossing my path with the guy she is seeing, knowing I live right next to the café they walked in to, after I paid for a very expensive apartment for her to move to for the specific purpose of not running into each other , missing appointments twice after I agreed, even after filing for divorce, to pay for her therapy and letting me find that out on my own.

I don´t want to celebrate to soon, but I feel I needed to see this. It will help me detach. I will be ok.

[NewLife3]

AS, right??

The more I look back at this, the more I see these recent events as a blessing.

The lack of respect amazes me. Crossing my path with the guy she is seeing, knowing I live right next to the café they walked in to, after I paid for a very expensive apartment for her to move to for the specific purpose of not running into each other , missing appointments twice after I agreed, even after filing for divorce, to pay for her therapy and letting me find that out on my own.

I don´t want to celebrate to soon, but I feel I needed to see this. It will help me detach. I will be ok.

You're on the right path. Keep focusing on yourself.. Keep climbing that mountain to success. We will find much better people to spend our lives with on the other side of our divorces. Yes, it hurts so much right now to see these types of things, but I promise they are helping us on our journey to 100% detachment. In our WW's current state -- they care absolutely nothing about us.

I never could have imagined someone so close to me could betray me with no remorse so quickly. Lessons learned, I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable with anyone ever again.

[BenB]

Thank you Newlife! I think it was Steve who recommended this a while ago but I think everyone should read Intimacy & Desire by Dr.David Schnarch. That book has helped me tremendously these past few months. I´m reading it a second time now which I´ve never done with a book before!

Earlier today I had to contact W since rent was due and she hadn´t wired it to me yet. Instead of the usual Facebook messenger I emailed to remind her it was due. She responded that she´ll wire it now with a smiley emoji.

I decided to respond with the email below. I know it was a bit long but after finding out about the missed appointments, I decided I will deduct those costs(about 140 USD per therapy session) from her settlement money. As you can see, I didn´t make it clear to her that I will do just that, I´ll let her find out the day she asks for the money. Also, so you understand what I´m referring to, she has several boxes of her things in my apartment still as her place is too small to fit all her things.

Any input is welcome

"ok good. So you have two more rents to pay before you need to move out. In January, I will send your things to a storage room as close to you as possible. The sooner you get them from there the better for you as it´s quite expensive. I have a list of all the deductions to be made from the money I agreed to pay you, including the recent ones.

Please remember that by Feb 28 latest the apartment needs to be empty, unless you can move out sooner. You can then send the keys to me that day with any delivery service.

She hasn´t responded to that. Not yet at least.

[BenB]

Thought of an interesting GAL opportunity. While I was visiting a friend a few weeks ago, his girlfriend told me that she had tried to use the app "couch surfing" for a while but it wasn´t going so well. Couch surfing for those who don´t know is an app or website you join where you can ask people from anywhere in the world if you can stay with them for free, sleep in the guest bedroom or their couch.

My friends girlfriend was saying it´s basically a dating portal, none of the women she would write to would answer her and she didn´t want to stay with me. Dating portal, I thought to myself. Say no more...

I joined and offered to host only those who I found to be interesting and attractive. So from Saturday to Monday I have two Ukrainian girls staying in my guest room. They want me to show them around to all the cool bars and cafés and I am more than happy to do so. We´ve been chatting on the app for a few days, getting to know each other.

I don´t care of course if anything romantic happens while they are here, but I´m beginning to realize, I am free, I can do whatever I want now. I can go anywhere I want, see anyone I want. Get to know new people, make new friends! There are benefits in being single! Many of them!

[LH19]

That’s fuching awesome dude. See you need no help!

[Newbie20]

You sound like a great catch. Your wife is an idiot.

[BenB]

Thanks LH and KC,

Onwards and upwards!

[neffer]

Insert "Jaws" theme here...
:-)