I remember when I started dating B in the summer time that suddenly my ex-wife started showing up to help S25 with driving practice, cosigned to buy him a car, lurked in the shrubberies across the street in a completely non-threatening and innocent way.
Are there bushes across the street? Maybe keep an eye on them
What Ginger1 says though echos what I heard from a lot of my female friends. Your ex knows that she's not got any legitimate complaint but seeing you move on with the girls tagging along has got to be a kick in the karma for her.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
LOL.....no buses. Hopefully it's just a little blip on the radar.
I think my youngest is struggling to cope with the D. She seems extra clingy, is scared to go to bed at night, at one point was sad for me because I was alone as when her and my youngest were not with me. Anyways, it makes me sad and touches on some anger as well. My oldest and her spent the night at a friends house on Saturday night and she woke them up in the middle of the night wanting them to call me. Maybe her seeing me and her mom with other people has touched some emotions in her as we move on with our lives. The X and I spoke about it this morning and she is going to talk to her school councilor first and we will go from there.
its Possible it’s becoming more of a reality now . Maybe the sleepovers were a tad much for her. I would just give her the extra love and attention she might need right about now. Maybe you can do a daddy daughter activity individually with her. Perhaps she will open up to you. My daughter around your daughters age had a tough time with the D. And she hasn’t known anything different her whole life. The school actually made a little “lunch club” for children of divorce. It actually helped her immensely. Just be there for her and ask her some open ended questions. When I did that to my daughter she spilled all her feelings out like a waterfall
I think it is more of a reality now. I will tell the Dr. no more sleepovers until I can get her past this, not being scared at night. It could be her way of wanting my attention or not feeling secure with it which she doesn't know how to express. When I asked her why she was scared at night she told me she didn't know and was afraid that someone was going to come into her room while she slept. I asked her if that has ever happened before and she said "no".
Nothing new to report, the Dr. and I have our last kid free weekend for 3 months as our schedules are now off synch with the holidays. No wedding plans or engagement rings will be given for Christmas and we will be spending Thanksgiving a part as we both have commitments with our families and I will be traveling with my girls out of state to my parents house. Road Trip!!!!!
On a personal note I think I am finally starting to unpack a lot of feelings from my D and XW. Looking back I can now see how dysfunctional our R was and how unhealthy it was for me. I have finally started to feel as though my eyes are starting to open and I am starting to understand how much that R really messed me up. It has been very hard for me to be vulnerable with the DR as the way she loves and treats me is a far cry from how my XW treated me. I didn't understand when I was going through it but I was always chasing my XW and that chase is what fueled my attraction. I have not had to chase the Dr. and I have had to learn a more healthy way of loving and caring about another individual. Unpacking all of that has been hard but here recently I have started to feel my attraction levels really increase and feel more connected to her. I feel like I am really starting to feel and grow in a healthier way and becoming more attracted to who she is as a person, her femininity, her giving attitude, her being willing to follow, not playing the push and pull games. Not challenging me, always trying to get a rise out of me. I never knew what I was going to get from my XW on a day to day basis. It was a very unhealthy way to learn how to love someone.
I feel at peace now more than I ever have however I know I still have some things to work on but I feel that I am on the right path.
It does take time to unpack those feelings. With distance we can see clearly how dysfunctional it really was and how it wasn't meeting our needs. It creates great perspective on what healthy attachments are and sounds like you and the Dr are in the right spot with it. It's being clear headed.
We will all be working on things until the reaper comes, but I am sure you are in such a better place now. I am saying that cuz I know that I am too. Hope the D's are doing well.
First off it sounds like things are going really great with the Doc and I am so happy for you.
Correct me if I am wrong but in your posts it sounds like you sometimes miss the structure of the family? Even though you know your relationship was dysfunctional you think about what could have been if she put in the same work towards self improvement.
Yes, I do sometimes think about what could have been if she was willing (early on) but I know deep inside that will never happen. I know never is an absolute but she is who she is and that won't change. I think I have started to really begin to accept that and be a lot more comfortable with it. I miss the idea of our family for my daughters but that's really about it. It gets much easier as the days, weeks, months, and years pass. I also would not have grown without going through what I went through.
I think biggest emotion I feel is sadness that when I was in it, I didn't know any better. It was way too late for me when all the [censored] hit the fan. I had chance to save it when I didn't know I had a chance but when I didn't have a chance to save it I finally started to work on myself to save it. That's the frustrating part. It just wasn't meant to be but I am ok with that now.
I am not 100% out of the woods yet but I feel pretty close!
You sure you could have prevented it? I recently found out that my ex told her family it was she fell out of love. She’s emotionally to immature to understand that that can happen after being together 24 years. That’s hard to prevent. I know I did earlier in our marriage but I pushed through and it came back. I bet the majority of these sitches were destined to happen.
Well, you certainly have come a long way. I remember when what interested you in women were ones who played games. Who made you chase or had a challenge like herpes or something. I think it’s great you have found love in someone who doesn’t play games, who doesn’t chase or need you to chase them. Consistently is very attractive too. Very happy for the two of you.
And sure, if my ex H wasn’t a Duck, we probably could have been happy together. If he valued and respected me, we would have made a great couple. But he didn’t. And I certainly couldn’t change that. I could only change what I accepted, but that didn’t mean that would change how he treated me
