Hi Kas, I'm going to apologize in advance, because I know this sounds flippant--a 60 year old man?! You can check dating demographics in your state. Maybe near you 60 year-old women date men 65-70.
I'm pouting because WAH looks better than when I married him. That whole grey tinged hair works for him and he's fit. D17 says he's ugly. She means no disrespect she means he married out of league. While this was true at some point I don't think it is now.
Hi Kas, I'm going to apologize in advance, because I know this sounds flippant--a 60 year old man?! You can check dating demographics in your state. Maybe near you 60 year-old women date men 65-70.
I'm pouting because WAH looks better than when I married him. That whole grey tinged hair works for him and he's fit. D17 says he's ugly. She means no disrespect she means he married out of league. While this was true at some point I don't think it is now.
Does thinking these thoughts help you or hurt you? I know for 100% fact my wife is 1-2 points higher on the 10 point scale "looks" scale than I am. (Especially after she has lost a ton of weight, gotten her hair done nicely recently, gotten a boob job, gotten more fit) Honestly does not matter. I know the next person I find will be more comparable to where I fall, but guess what -- I won't be getting with anyone that I am not attracted to. And I also will know the next person will actually love and care for me rather than just bail looking for the green grass.
Hi Kas, I'm going to apologize in advance, because I know this sounds flippant--a 60 year old man?! You can check dating demographics in your state. Maybe near you 60 year-old women date men 65-70.
I work in a small female office fueled by a male dominated one. There are plenty of age appropriate men here but the attractive ones are taken. By attractive I mean a man who isn't obese. I'm not picky but I don't like fat men. Dad bods are fine. Just now I met this really nice looking man that I'd been chatting with all week. Very likeable but has a wedding ring. I'm not looking for anyone I'm just observing.
Does thinking these thoughts help you or hurt you? I know for 100% fact my wife is 1-2 points higher on the 10 point scale "looks" scale than I am. (Especially after she has lost a ton of weight, gotten her hair done nicely recently, gotten a boob job, gotten more fit) Honestly does not matter. I know the next person I find will be more comparable to where I fall, but guess what -- I won't be getting with anyone that I am not attracted to. And I also will know the next person will actually love and care for me rather than just bail looking for the green grass.
I'm whining and no these thoughts hurt me. Looks don't matter to me. I'm a total nerd and everyone here knows it. I like numbers and statistics. I research everything for fun. I'm a wealth of knowledge both worthless and useful. I'm having these pointless conversations because 1) I'm no where near ready for a relationship and 2) I do not have time for one.
95% of the things we worry about never happen. You're too focused on the future and what MAY or MAY NOT happen.
This is true I know.
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One thing she said to me about a friend of hers who left her H: She was hoping that with time apart things would be different and he'd be willing to make changes when she came back. Well...he didn't and they have decided it won't work because he wasn't willing to work on himself and learn from his experiences.
Yes we'd both have to change otherwise nothing will change.
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I'm sorry you are going through this. Find a way to ground yourself when your mind is spinning. If you have the urge to post your feelings here I recommend giving it at least a few hours as I don't want this forum to be a crutch for you. You need to learn how to deal with your emotions.
Once I made it 24 hours without posting. Didn't even post that much when I came back. It's rough now because my court date will be soon. I know I need to back off.
Big hugs to you Kas , you need to take your focus OFF him , I am sure you have read this many times in other threads. The good news is that a WAH is much more likely to R . Heard use the time wisely? MWD has it in her book . If he does R and you haven’t grown , you will end up in the same spot years from now . I know none of this is easy BUT you can do it . This is where proper GAL comes in , nows the time to shine , it comes from the inside and shines out
This is all true even the part where a WAH is more likely to R and if I don't grow he will just leave again. I was doing great GAL and using my time wisely. I crashed once I had to move (6 weeks ago). I lost my fight although my doctor and IC says I haven't she says it's just a setback. I won't have to start over.
Please be kind. I'm listening to all the advice and will pick myself back up. I have to. I've come to far to give up now. I filed for D yesterday. WAH will get served within days since unlike the other time he doesn't know it's coming. I gave him a heads up the last time and he ran from the process server. Not doing that again. I work with the process server so that's fun. He hasn't said anything to me but will once he gets the papers. I'll have to stop him from "keeping me posted" because no good can come from that. I need to as someone said "sit back and let my attorney manage the process". If I chat with the process server that isn't sitting back. I even rode with the guy the last time (what the heck was I thinking???) He didn't find WAH that day which was a blessing.
I'll have a court date within a week or so. Things move pretty fast here which is good I think. Just rip off that band aid and get this over with.
I'm struggling because I just recently moved, found out he got that big promotion we'd dreamed about for so long and there is OW.
Yeah that's a lot to digest! And you found all this out in a short amount of time. Of course you would struggle with that, anyone would, it's normal.
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And for added fun I filed for D yesterday that I will have to go through with. I can't cancel it no matter what happens (financial reasons) and I can't remarry. Ever. Not even to him. That would restart the clock and my 28 year marriage turns into something where he owes me nothing. Yeah I'm not doing that.
Then don't get married. That doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful relationship though. You can date as little or as much as you want without affecting the court orders. Views on marriage are not what they once were, more and more people engage in serious R's without ever getting married. My GF and I have been dating 5 years now, I don't see us ever getting married. It could happen but it's not on the radar.
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My fear is once my kids are grown I'll be a spinster. He got out there while he still looks good. I'll be 60 by the time I'm done parenting. Who will be interested in a 60 year old woman??
Well first of all, there's nothing wrong with staying single if that's what you choose. "Spinster" is kind of an antiquated term from a time where women stayed at home and took care of their H and kids, and if they lost their H then everyone saw them as having lost their purpose in life. In this day and age women have their own careers and lives even when married, so when they lose their husband people don't see them as weak and pathetic like the old days, because they're not. My X MIL's husband died about 10 years ago, she chose to stay single after. When I look at her I see a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman enjoying the hell out of her life.
Second, 60 in this day and age is not at all old. If you've taken care of yourself then at 60 you'll probably not be a lot different than when you were 40. You can date older men, you can date your age, you can date younger men. There aren't the "age limits" in society that there used to be. And you don't have to wait until the kids are grown and moved out. Sure it takes some schedule-juggling when you have kids, but if you want to date then you'll find a way!
Yeah that's a lot to digest! And you found all this out in a short amount of time. Of course you would struggle with that, anyone would, it's normal.
Just now reading your post I thought omg there is OW. Pain, pain, pain.
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Then don't get married. That doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful relationship though.
It was kind of tongue in cheek because I meant if WAH and I reconciled I can't remarry him. Oddly I have read about people doing this. I'm not close to this woman but I think one of my employees has this type relationship with her ex. They don't live together but they are a couple.
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Well first of all, there's nothing wrong with staying single if that's what you choose. When I look at her I see a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman enjoying the hell out of her life.
When this first started I joked I was just going to have an affair or a fling a no strings attached, FWB thing. I'm over that because all that was about was needing a band aid which I don't need now.
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Second, 60 in this day and age is not at all old. If you've taken care of yourself then at 60 you'll probably not be a lot different than when you were 40. You can date older men, you can date your age, you can date younger men. There aren't the "age limits" in society that there used to be. And you don't have to wait until the kids are grown and moved out. Sure it takes some schedule-juggling when you have kids, but if you want to date then you'll find a way!
I look younger than I am and yes I have taken care of myself. I don't want to date I'm just upset that he is. I'm upset that I have to be alone and he doesn't. I'm upset that he's already found someone and I have to juggle my schedule if I want the same. I don't want the same it's just the principle of it. I get it though it says a lot about how insecure he is if he can't be alone. I couldn't either (at first) but i can now.
This week I had to coordinate some interviews with an attorney over phone/email. He's just one of those personable guys that in a day you're calling him by his first name (or maybe it's me I don't know). So he comes in today and I had to meet him face to face. I go up front and he's very nice looking and I call him by his first name. The girls up front were teasing me saying he had a "kas kinda vibe". I said he's very married, 2 teens, wife just went back to work, married.
I’m feeling better btw. I appreciate everyone’s help. Keeping me grounded. Staying with me hopefully until after my court date. This is a lifeline right now.
