It was kind of tongue in cheek because I meant if WAH and I reconciled I can't remarry him. Oddly I have read about people doing this. I'm not close to this woman but I think one of my employees has this type relationship with her ex. They don't live together but they are a couple.
I knew a woman who did this with her H. They separated because they were driving each other crazy. Once separated, they started getting along really well again. They never did get divorced, they just decided to continue on with their relationship but live in two different houses, LOL! Hey it works for them. They've been doing that for like 6 or 7 years now!
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I look younger than I am and yes I have taken care of myself. I don't want to date I'm just upset that he is. I'm upset that I have to be alone and he doesn't. I'm upset that he's already found someone and I have to juggle my schedule if I want the same. I don't want the same it's just the principle of it. I get it though it says a lot about how insecure he is if he can't be alone. I couldn't either (at first) but i can now.
I understand why you would be upset! I can't imagine he's in a healthy R with OW though. I bet things aren't as rosy with him as they might appear. I've just hear soooo many stories about "OP" relationships crashing and burning, including the one my XW was engaged in.
He hasn't been back to the house to do any repairs so that eliminates the keeping me compliant theory. He's moved onto spending every weekend night with S19 shopping online for a car to restore. S19 will buy the car and pay for the insurance but he doesn't have the money to restore it. WAH is paying off all the moving expenses while still being a big spender.
WAH was a big spender when we met. I was young, impressionable and thought he was financially well off. He drove a new car, had nice clothes, new furniture, dinners out, etc. I didn't marry him for money no I was actually the breadwinner for 10 years.
But I digress....shortly after we got married I found out he was in debt up to his eyeballs, credit cards and a car payment. I paid it all off. He went on to get us into more debt later. I paid that off too. I've gotten us out of debt three times. He's a big dreamer and I'm really good with money.
Anyway so I finally get why he had no intention of ever filing for divorce until he got forced to do it by OW or me. Its likely he will have to give me 50% of his disposable income which is only 30% of his gross so technically he could owe me even more since the dividends are still up for grabs. My attorney thinks they count but ultimately it's up the judge to decide. His adultery won't help his case.
He will be done with CS in 4 years so had he been able to put off D for a few years he would have come out on top. It was never going to happen but like I said he's a dreamer.
My attorney filed on Monday (supposedly - you know how these things are) and so far all is quiet. I don't think he's been served yet.
WAH was a big spender when we met. I was young, impressionable and thought he was financially well off. He drove a new car, had nice clothes, new furniture, dinners out, etc. I didn't marry him for money no I was actually the breadwinner for 10 years.
Have you ever read "The Millionaire Next Door"? He is what is referred to in the book as a "hyper consumer". Actual millionaires are typically very prudent people. They drive normal cars, they wear regular clothing, they live in your neighborhood. The hyper consumers on the other hand drive flashy cars, live in big houses, dress really nice and...
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I found out he was in debt up to his eyeballs
...that. It's unlikely he will ever change his ways either. You rescued him more times than you should have!
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Anyway so I finally get why he had no intention of ever filing for divorce until he got forced to do it by OW or me. Its likely he will have to give me 50% of his disposable income which is only 30% of his gross so technically he could owe me even more since the dividends are still up for grabs.
Yeah more than likely once he figured out you weren't going to sign off on his "easy" plan then he probably hunkered down and tried not to rock the boat anymore and hoped to go into a holding pattern where he pays you as little as possible. I mean no one knows what he's thinking, but that sounds right to me. It'll be interesting to see how he reacts when served.
I wonder if he quit coming by because he realized the cat's out of the bag with OW? Do you know if S said anything to him about seeing her car there?
Have you ever read "The Millionaire Next Door"? He is what is referred to in the book as a "hyper consumer". Actual millionaires are typically very prudent people. They drive normal cars, they wear regular clothing, they live in your neighborhood. The hyper consumers on the other hand drive flashy cars, live in big houses, dress really nice and...
Love this book. The rich live like they are poor and the poor live like they are rich. Never could get WAH to understand this.
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...that. It's unlikely he will ever change his ways either. You rescued him more times than you should have!
He wants a life he can't afford. If I were to guess he's spending tomorrows money today. He will get a pension buyout but that is years out. Those minimum payments will add up quickly if it gets out of hand. Besides I'm going after half anyway.
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Yeah more than likely once he figured out you weren't going to sign off on his "easy" plan then he probably hunkered down and tried not to rock the boat anymore and hoped to go into a holding pattern where he pays you as little as possible. I mean no one knows what he's thinking, but that sounds right to me. It'll be interesting to see how he reacts when served.
He hasn't paid me the big check since I moved. My gut tells me he's trying to figure out what's the least he can get away with. Go with the higher number when I might take the lower one? I never answered his email so he doesn't know where that line is. He continues to underestimate me but in his delusion still thinks he holds all the cards. Has all the power. I'm the pining away, lovesick LBS and he's the almighty I've got TWO women who want me. The ego is high with this one. He never in a million years thinks I will file first.
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I wonder if he quit coming by because he realized the cat's out of the bag with OW? Do you know if S said anything to him about seeing her car there?
He wanted to see the inside of my house (this was one of my theories). He saw it and now he's done. He has no idea that any of us know about the OW. S19 has said nothing.
He's not completely wrong. I do want to reconcile and I'm afraid going through with the D closes that door forever. He does have all the power but that is about to change. I knew I'd be here one day, having to file but I assumed it would be a couple of years later not 8 months out. He won't be expecting this. Yesterday I read the divorce complaint imagining how he will react to it. I think shock, then anger, then oh crap as the reality of that word sinks in.
I changed my mind he will just be angry. I would imagine there might be a momentary cold chill once he realizes he's busted. He really screwed up. Not sure exactly when that realization will hit but it will hit.
Hi Kas, yes, $10k total is reasonable if you two just plan to get what you're due (a settlement). Myself and two friends paid less. I also have a family member who paid $100,000+ to fight for more (court).
Thanks. I missed this post. All we will debate is lifetime alimony and maybe his pension plan. It’s all what he owes me. I owe him nothing. Glad to know my number is a good guess. I’ve saved half.
successful DB'ing is getting to the point that you do not have to have anyone in your life to be content and happy. Just yourself.
True happiness and contentment come when you learn to be happy and content alone. Then if you feel you want to share your life with someone else, that's when you start to date again. You should not date to find happiness and contentment. This is where so many people get it wrong.
Was sitting at the table after dinner. Just sitting. All alone. S19 came and chatted but in that moment I thought I am okay alone. Completely and totally okay. Wow. Probably won’t be able to get it to stick yet but it is an amazing feeling. Such freedom.
