[quote=kas99] I am sure you are right, WAS's indulge in all kinds of fantasies including a smooth, trouble-free, cheap, fast D.
That's what my W thought when she BD'ed me. One of the 1st things I asked her, because of all the financial mess I've been trying to recover from, was ... how the heck are we even going to afford a D? She said "It's very cheap, it only costs a few hundred dollars". Wow.
She also didn't think I was going to get a L, but since she served me, I had no other choice. Interesting that you think this is a common pattern. I think she thought she was going to keep walking all over me.
CW if it makes you feel better D17 told me to shut up. Quickly I might add. She’s the most positive person I know so she refuses to put up with my negativity plus I’ve asked her to call me out when I do it. I am trying to change. This is gut wrenching and I’m still working hard to focus on having my kids full time, no debt, and good friends when I would rather give up because it’s hard.
I need to stop the rants. They aren’t helping. Better I post sadness than revenge. I want to be a positive person. I am sad and revenge no matter how or why I say it will never make me feel better. I’m really trying I think I’m failing miserably though especially now
You don't think so? Does he have an "avoidant" personality?
Yes it was the source of many marital problems. Last time I had him served he went dark.
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I am sure you are right, WAS's indulge in all kinds of fantasies including a smooth, trouble-free, cheap, fast D. You're prepared and have been preparing. I doubt he has.
No I think you are right this isn't about me it's about HIM. He is living in a fantasy of getting D by next Tuesday for $250. I've read so much. Just yesterday I was reading divorce cases that were appealed in my state. I don't think I can prepare for D because I'm not an attorney but I'm doing everything I know to do like saving money.
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I have completely avoided re-reading my old posts which I think is my personal coping mechanism. I remember when I was going through it and people would tell me that some day I would get over it I always thought "oh man no way, this level of pain I'm experiencing is going to leave me scarred for life, I'll never be normal again." But they were right, I grieved, I recovered, I moved on and I am content and happy again. Anyway I'm just trying to say that even though it is terrible right now, hopefully some day you'll be able to look back on this with the same kind of detachment I do.
I don't want to read mine either now. It's hard to imagine I'll ever feel normal again. Last night D17 and I were watching season 2 of "the end of the effing world". Its dark, twisted and yet hysterical if you don't take it seriously. We were both laughing so hard we were crying. I needed that.
That's what my W thought when she BD'ed me. One of the 1st things I asked her, because of all the financial mess I've been trying to recover from, was ... how the heck are we even going to afford a D? She said "It's very cheap, it only costs a few hundred dollars". Wow.
She also didn't think I was going to get a L, but since she served me, I had no other choice. Interesting that you think this is a common pattern. I think she thought she was going to keep walking all over me.
I'd just gotten a job and WAH said "I think we can financially swing it now" like we were buying a new car. Lets download some forms off the internet and we can have this done over lunch. Maybe we can file it ourselves and yes it's only a few hundred.
Um try a few THOUSAND. In terms of preparation I'm planning on $10k in legal fees. We don't have minor children so I think this number is reasonable. I will push for a trial if he gets ridiculous or tries to drag this out. I've saved over half of this and will make payments to my attorney for the rest if needed.
WAH hasn't saved for legal fees or done any planning. I might be jinxing myself. I'm pretty sure I will get more money and the adultery thing isn't going to go over well but there are no guarantees.
The whole "we can financially swing it now" was when he thought he would just make up the difference on my bare bones, ramen noodle budget while his life remains relatively unchanged. I played along with this for a while but my attorney would have never let me do that. She's mean to me. lol
Are you in a fault state where adultery is illegal? I wish I lived in one of those states...
Yep totally illegal. He can’t even get a divorce without grounds unless I agree to it. I live in true fault state.
He’d get a divorce eventually of course but without grounds I could drag it out for years (or he could). Adultery bypasses all that. I get a divorce regardless of what he wants.
I wonder if my estimated legal fees are good. The average divorce costs $15k but we have no minor children and own nothing. It’s all going to come down to alimony. He has a pension plan but they don’t honor court orders so I’ll have to put it in the decree that I get half of whatever he gets. I’m thinking $10k is high but I prefer to err on the side of caution.
Hi Kas, yes, $10k total is reasonable if you two just plan to get what you're due (a settlement). Myself and two friends paid less. I also have a family member who paid $100,000+ to fight for more (court).
