On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thanks Peace. You have such a warm comforting way about you.
Andrew - hah! *Love* that you remember him needing that. Sigh. My suspicion is she does look at him very meaningfully because he’s her daddy. I bet she is 25ish. I know she’s broken and will have come from a dysfunctional background. She has to in order to be attracted to who he is today. And if she is the one who he affaires with, oi vey to them!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
(((HaWho))) Tough news regardless of where you are at in your sitch. But...definitely emphasizes the need to move forward and embrace whatever it is that life has in store for you. Could be better than you ever imagined. I agree with what others have said about your kids. Let them know that you know and that you are okay and there for them if they ever want to talk about it. It will be a relief to them to know that they don’t have to keep things from you. Sending you lots of (((HUGS))) from across the miles.
So I found out who his wife is. She is 13 years younger. They married a few weeks ago which means ex was divorced and remarried in the same year. Here is the best part. She has the same first name as his dad’s mistress that he married! So ex really recreated the same childhood dynamic down to the same naked woman! And it’s not a particularly popular name?!?! So interesting.
Through sleuthing I determined she is the first OW he had and that he was cheating in the marriage with her. Hindsight is 20/20 and I am putting pieces together. Her fb page shows nothing for the last year. She went underground. No pics of her wedding to him. She is always alone with no one else in the pics. Weird. She looks thin, has fake boobs and her hair is fried; it is pretty clear she has an eating disorder. My doctor friend saw that and brought it to my attention based on her hair and look of her body.
Conversations with the kids was ok. Younger son said she is nice. Older son said very little.
I know what this means that he just jumped from one relationship to the next and married his affair partner. I Know they are broken and attracted for that reason. I know he ran to her to feel better.
We shall see how it plays out. Giving it over to God.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Oh. And my kids did not attend his wedding. It was “private” they said.
Uh huh. Real private for all the wrong reasons. What is done in the shadows eventually comes to the light.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Gosh hawho. This must be tough. I hope you and the kids are ok.
While it is unfortunate, I think some mlcrs have no choice but to marry their APs. Their actions are so shameful (whether they feel shame or not) that they have to prove to everyone around them they made the right choice in blowing up their lives.
Also, and this is just my novice belief, I actually think they get to the point where they continue to chase happiness and when they are looking for the next joyous moment, they remember times when they were happy in their former marriage so they attempt to recreate it by marrying the first person who will have them.
The fact that the wedding was private is very very telling.
Anyway, I really do hope you are processing it and moving the heck on with your peaceful life.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
What is done in the shadows eventually comes to the light.
Oh, I love that. It’s so true.
I’m glad the conversation with your boys went well. Everyone is now in the know.
XH’s W does sound broken. Two people desperate for happiness, and unable find the way.
And her with the same unusual name is an interesting coincidence. Well not completely coincidental; her name is just another aspect that XH was driven to. Subconsciously, unknowingly, recreating his childhood dynamic.
It’s quite remarkable this process, the crisis, the path MLCer walks. Once the LBS gets beyond the pain and grief and sees what they witnessed. It is horribly traumatic to everyone involved. One side demonstrates the fragility of the mind, truth, and reality. The other side is an absolutely amazing display of how resilient, compassionate, and forgiving the human spirit can actually be.
Give it all to God.
You are very much choosing better not bitter.
Originally Posted by HaWho
I woke up this morning and resolved to make the next 5 years of my life amazing. This is not just for me, but for my kids. I am going to show them that while there are those lose the plot in their midlife others get wise and shift into high gear.
And years later they will remember that about me and I will tell them THAT is their DNA.
Amen to that.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Anorexic - or possibly malnourished from some other disorder, like Crohn’s disease?
It wouldn’t surprise me though if he ended up with an anorexic - wasn’t he the one with the weird ideas about food and the paranoia that you would poison him? His food issues might mesh with hers.
I am very glad that the conversation w/your sons went okay. As for the "new" wife, he sure picked a winner and is definitely following the pattern of his father. He has done exactly what my xh did. It is truly sad how they go about their lives. It will be interesting to see if she posts on her FB page now that the cat is out of the bag.
You are doing so well and your sons will always know that you are there for them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
