Yes, definitely an improvement. Michele calls them "baby steps" and typically the road to recon is a whole lot of baby steps rather than one big jump.
He wants to build a bigger walkway. We already have a walkway and it works just fine. If we did get ice (I live the south so unlikely) we could just use the front door. Two weeks ago the tire light came on in my car. He insisted on replacing it the next day. The last time this happened (we were still together) he let me drive that car for months before I finally got a flat and he was forced to fix it.
My commute is 8 minutes through neighborhoods, I have two teenagers with cars, and at least 6 coworkers who would would give me a ride. Fixing the tire the next day wasn't necessary. I have everything under control. In fact tomorrow I have an appointment to get my oil changed. I've got this.
Yes, definitely sounds like you're on the right track. You're giving him time and space, and it certainly seems it's working, his actions seem to show that he no longer feels pressured. Just keep it up!
Knowing he was in my house made me sad. Within 15 minutes I managed to lift my mood so I was equipped to hear about WAH from S19.
WAH said he'd do this one repair in the kitchen (if I wanted him to). I looked at it and thought "no". I didn't want him to fix my tire, I don't want him fixing my kitchen, or my two bathrooms nor do I need a new walkway. I'm FINE.
Of course I can't say any of this to S19 without sounding like a bitter shrew. I didn't say yes or no I just redirected S19 somewhere else. To a much smaller, 5 minute job. lol WAH is probably at my house right now. Surreal.
Yes, definitely sounds like you're on the right track. You're giving him time and space, and it certainly seems it's working, his actions seem to show that he no longer feels pressured. Just keep it up!
Part of me thinks this is just for S19 but S19 is aspergers, brilliant but brutally honest. When he uses WAH he's pretty outspoken about it. If I disrespect WAH in any way he calls me on it and vice versa. I was sitting right there when the tire conversation went down. S19 seemed annoyed because it was his day off and he wanted to sleep in. The tire was all WAH and I think the house is too.
He said I could borrow his tractor lawn mower (S19 vetoed that idea). He then said he would buy me a lawn mower. He camps (no time now) so he has firewood. Said I could have it (I have a wood burning fireplace). Had some old pallets at the house and WAH offered to come pick them up (S19 declined). There were other things too that I blew off.
I had been dark for 2 months by this time so I paused, said nothing and got back to my life. None of it got my attention until he fixed my car. That stood out because he ignored me before. After some thought I did realize that yes I took the pressure off. I am fully capable of taking care of myself now and he has to know this. lol
I’m afraid of the mail. Is my insurance being cancelled? Maybe it’s my phone. I think about the next time I’ll have to communicate with him and it won’t be until tax time. Beyond that I’m in hiding until May 2021 when D17 graduates high school. After 30 years together unless we reconcile its best I stay away. I’ll show up for big things but that’s it.
WAH didn’t come over but I’m sure it’s because today is a 16 hour work day. I’m totally ok with this.
I worry about money a lot. WAH has overextended himself which means less for us. He’s never been good with money. His brain just doesn’t work that way kinda like I need instructions to put together a bankers box.
S19 needs to complete the FAFSA and I'm separated. Nice right? This is the kind of thing that used to irritate my crazy. Today D17 just asked if I was okay and I took a breath and said yes. I asked her to turn on the tv for noise. Doesn't help that I'm hangry. I'm fine which is miraculous. Tough yes but I'm okay. Just breathe right?
But hey I’m positive. Part of me wanted to bad mouth WAH to my kids. I considered telling D17 that I’m going to get less money than I thought I was from him.
I can’t do it. I must be evolving because I honestly can’t do it.
Do you think the emotional roller coaster will ever end? kas I completely understand how you use this forum as a journal because I do the same. It is hard and you are doing it
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
