This morning as W was in the bedroom getting ready, I ran back in to grab my jacket and she said “we should go out for happy hour”. I said “that sounds good” and walked out. All I could think is that she’s still reeling from last night and trying to cover her tracks. I’m pretty sure she was expecting a text as my D and I played with her phone. It’s the only reason she’d rip it away from D like that. I missed my opportunity to confirm my suspicions. She’s going to be extra cautious now so finding proof just went from extremely difficult to nearly impossible. Maybe I’m too far in my own head right now and just spiraling. She mentioned sitting down to watch a show together the other night. At the time, I was ecstatic but held my composure and asked for a rain check. Now all I can think is that maybe I missed another sign and that offer was a cover too. I can’t tell if we’re actually getting closer or if she’s just pulling me closer to try and throw me off the scent.
A couple days ago you were beaming with all the positive changes you were making. Now as of yesterday a couple red flags and now you are spiraling. That means the changes were for your W and won't stick. After reading your last two posts she is throwing you scraps with TV time and happy hours and you are eating it up. I just want to brace you that these situations get worse before they get better.
A couple days ago you were beaming with all the positive changes you were making. Now as of yesterday a couple red flags and now you are spiraling. That means the changes were for your W and won't stick. After reading your last two posts she is throwing you scraps with TV time and happy hours and you are eating it up. I just want to brace you that these situations get worse before they get better.
JR, please read LH's post slowly and carefully. We've all been on the rollercoaster. The key is to not let your W drive the rollercoaster, and you are still doing that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That means the changes were for your W and won't stick. After reading your last two posts she is throwing you scraps with TV time and happy hours and you are eating it up. I just want to brace you that these situations get worse before they get better.
I respectfully disagree that the changes are for my W. I’ve been preparing myself for a D and to move on to a new life. That said, I have been hopeful that it won’t go that far. Either way, I know that I need to put myself in a better place. I have been very pessimistic for a while now and that’s one of my changes. Be optimistic. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Despite my spiraling last night and this morning, I changed the way I would usually act around my family while in that headspace this morning. I stayed positive and put on a happy face. The past week has been genuine happiness 95% of the time. Today I had to revert back to faking it, but I’m still maintaining my 180. It’s just difficult to stay optimistic as I watch the hope slowly slip away. I don’t want my hope to change from hope for my MR to hope that I can confidently walk away from it, but that’s what I’m now preparing for.
Trying to GAL like crazy today. Mostly trying to avoid being home. W will see right through the fake happy face and I don’t want her to think I suspect anything so maybe she won’t become over cautious. Just got back from the range. Shot two of my three new unfired pistols and have a new favorite nightstand gun! Home for a few to unload and change then heading to a bar to watch some football. Trying to make some plans for tomorrow night and then we’re both heading 2 hours in the opposite direction for the weekend. That should give me time to process and figure out what I’m going to do next.
I think I have formalized my strategy. The fact is that I have no evidence of an A. I suspect it, and have for a while, but without proof, I can’t act on it. I can’t trust my gut because I don’t even know what it’s saying right now. I have to stick to my original mission to win my wife back. Whether there’s an A or not, until I know for sure, that mission remains unchanged. This is where it gets confusing. All logic here says I’m nowhere close to “dating” my wife, but she’s brought it up a couple times. I’m still not sure if that was her switching to “recovery” mode and over-reacting or if she’s actually starting to find me attractive again and really wants to spend time with me. Either way, I have to play this game to have a chance to win. I’m going to ask her out on a “date” (hear me out). Twice this week she’s alluded to a type of “date night”. She’s either trying to throw me off the scent, or she giving me the green light to pursue. I know pursuing is a huge “no-no”. However, there are a couple ways to look at this (I already warned it’s confusing). Best case scenario: I am so far gone in my own head that I imagined her on a rocket ship when she was only on a hot air balloon. Meaning she was never that far gone that she could actually be coming back to me already. Fallout: I’ve wasted all your time (I have to admit that I’d be ok with that). Worst case scenario: She realizes how far she pushed me and that I’m gaining a better sense of what’s going on. She’s now “giving” a little in an attempt to keep me in the dark so she can keep eating her cake. Fallout: TBD
Either way, asking her out isn’t going to be detrimental to me in any way. I can handle the rejection (don’t think it’ll happen but so what if it does?). One on one time might be exactly what I need to get a better reading on her. She’s picked up that I’ve been very distant over the past 24 hours but I can play that off with results of my doctors visit today. (Nothing major; just being 40 I guess). I can play the game with her because I’m in such a better position that I’m now looking out for myself; not us.
Background that I probably should have given a long time ago: She is an expert negotiator and has made her career out of it for a major tech company. I’ve called her out on “her eyes” when she enters work mode and treats me like a supplier. When I see that switch flip, I walk away. Can’t argue against a pro. That’s a boundary I’m going to have to set. Just haven’t read that far ahead yet.
