Her: I will be there for her drop offs and pick ups the 1st week whether you are there or not. Please do not talk to me at all, I am there for her. If you want to talk to me at all please use WhatsApp for now.
Me, ok, that's fine, other than drop offs I will be there to pick up on 1st day, I'm good with you picking up rest of the week.
That's true. I'll look at some examples over the next few days. Finding everything a real struggle today.
Ended up that she arrived at studio just as I was leaving. Tried to remain polite but she just ignored me again, won't look me in the face.
Later I see a social media post of a new drawing class and there she is laughing and drinking wine with new friends.
I know this is my own head, but everything in her life looks rosy, and I'm such a figure of hate. It's always been so easy for her socially, so much more of a go out and get it sort of person and I'm very much the opposite, really struggle with social situations.
Can't help but fall into compare and despair thinking sometimes
How do you stay hanging in there when it looks so hopeless.
How do detach when you are so attached, and detachment feels or looks so much like the end.
Having to really fake staying strong, think I'll go out and catch a gig later, try and distract.
What are you doing for GAL? How are your 180s coming? What fun things have you done with the kids?
Until you focus on you, forget her, and start moving forward in life you will stuck in this rut. Those that struggle the most do the poorest job at GAL.We had a guy a while back in a terrible situation that admitted to just sitting at home 6 nights a week and stewing in his own juices. Don't be that guy. Go out and get it. Only you can change that about yourself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm getting out a bit, been to a few gigs, went out last weekend made some new friends which was really good as I've been so isolated. Also caused a bit of an issue as my wife's new friends all saw me out and had to say hi. Want to concentrate on eating and putting some weight back on.
Lost 2 stone over all this and was skinny to start with.
Bought a bicycle which has been good for my independence, I didn't drive and was very inactive.
Need to get back to some creative courses or film nights as well.
At a gig tonight, on my own but know a few people to say hi.
Evening starts out pretty positive , actual friendly chats about issues with kids and work. I video chatted my 6 yr old daughter She tells me mum has said they will spend Xmas eve and morning with her and visit me in the afternoon
We hadn't even discussed it
Wife messages me after and says daughter had told me.
I responded, yeah she did , it's tough, don't know what to think. We should discuss it soon.
Her: sooner the better.
Her: I want your key back to the house.
Me: I don't think that's right. I think I should have a key In case of emergencies
Her: I only backed down and gave you the key back because It he dog was dying. I knew you wouldn't change, I thought you knew what you had done to me. I let my guard down by giving key back. You haven't changed.
Me, that's not fair, I left because you demanded I did and I didn't want to cause any more upset. I'd been advised not to leave the house and I chose to , to make things easier for you.
Her : I bet you didn't tell legal advice you were an abuser. Me: I've been open about everything
Her: I knew I should never have let my guard down I thought you were working on yourself to realise what you have done to me. It's all an act I thought you had changed.
Me: this is why we need agreements in place. It's been a rollercoaster and we are winging it. I still feel I should be first contact in case of emergencies.
Her: I don't trust a word you say.
Me : I'm not going to let myself in, but feel we need an agreement in place.
Her: I'm not talking to you until you give the key back. Me: then maybe we nominate someone who holds emergency key. I'm not sure how to do all this, that's why we need proper advice and agreements going forward.
She is super angry, but I feel I'm right to stand my ground, it's half my house and I shouldn't just bow to her demand to hand the key back.
Am I causing more pressure or doing the right thing?
She tells me mum has said they will spend Xmas eve and morning with her and visit me in the afternoon. We hadn't even discussed it Me: We should discuss it soon. Her: sooner the better.
Any reason you're not getting this done? She's building her parenting plan piece by piece and dictating it to you. When I got divorced, I found a boilerplate plan, made a few changes, my ex made a few changes, and we were done. It's avoided so many conflicts over the years.
Originally Posted by "JDevast"
Her: I want your key back to the house. Me: I don't think that's right. I think I should have a key In case of emergencies Her: I only backed down and gave you the key back because It he dog was dying. I knew you wouldn't change, I thought you knew what you had done to me. I let my guard down by giving key back. You haven't changed. Me, that's not fair, I left because you demanded I did and I didn't want to cause any more upset.
Is it right or wrong to keep the key? I don't know. You sound uncertain. In these situations, it's maybe better to say "Let me think about it," and listen, try to understand, and validate. I get after she stopped talking to you, you offered a compromise that attempts to allay her trust and safety concerns.
