Steve is right. If I had a nickel for every time a newbie said if I had proof I would be done and then they find proof and are not done I would be a millionaire.
Like Steve says, you really shouldn't have done that. Never make decisions based on emotions. I was about to many times in my sitch but fortunately I listened to Steve and others here and I'm glad i did. It's made me calmer and frankly a better person.
You want those close to you to see that you are cool, calm and confident. So when confronting her, do so in a calm but assertive way. What's done is done but please vent here rather than to her.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
You want those close to you to see that you are cool, calm and confident. So when confronting her, do so in a calm but assertive way. What's done is done but please vent here rather than to her.
Pure gold here.
When I found my W's public dating profile complete with picture online I was livid. When I went home that night I confronted her in a calm......confident.....slightly firm manner. What I said didn't matter nearly as much as how I said it, but the content was similar. I never demanded she do anything, just pointed out how anyone, including our daughter, could find it. Then I dropped it. The result? She was overly apologetic and immediately took it down. If I had gone in guns blazing it would have made her get defensive, dug in her heels, and convinced her that she needed the profile to find someone new more than ever.
kb, the likely outcome of this? This A will go even deeper undercover. She will cover her tracks like never before. Not sure how you got access to her phone but likely she will lock it down even tighter than it already had been.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Already I feel remorseful for confronting her. I calmed down and just started to cry uncontrollably. Then tried to embrace her and ask her if she really loves this other woman very calmly. Now she's just really pissed as she is getting ready for work. I just wanted to talk to her about whats going on and what her intentions are. What were her plans for this extra marital relationship? My world is upside down guys
kb, the likely outcome of this? This A will go even deeper undercover. She will cover her tracks like never before. Not sure how you got access to her phone but likely she will lock it down even tighter than it already had been.
Steve, in that case I think I should initiate the D. I don't see any light at the end of this tunnel. I can't see my self DB'ing my way out of this. How can I compete with the OW? I don't even know if my W is able to have any attraction to me now that I know what I know.
Oh boy ! Right now re-group yourself . You are stronger than you know . Do not worry about her . Do not try and embrace her or have any relationship talks .
Detach . Just leaver her alone . Make some plans to GAL this weekend .
Take some time to process everything . No rush to the big D.
You are not going to compete with OW . Be the best KB for you not her .
So many emotions right now. I can't deal. Hard to not worry about her now that I know the truth. I thought it would be different. It's hitting me harder now that I know.
kb, just take some time. Focus on you!! Smothering her with R talks is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. Go out and GAL, like a madman. Keep working you (180s). And work on detachment. DBing isn't about DBing your way out of this. It is about saving yourself. Save yourself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
kb, just take some time. Focus on you!! Smothering her with R talks is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. Go out and GAL, like a madman. Keep working you (180s). And work on detachment. DBing isn't about DBing your way out of this. It is about saving yourself. Save yourself.
thank you Steve. I feel comfort when you guys respond. makes me feel less alone. but this is really hard for me. I've never felt this kind of pain before.
I've been there. Not sure if you read my sitch. One Friday night my wife was in the bathroom for 3 hours. I had already discovered and confronted her about her EA. I figured she was in there sending nude photos to him. Turns out I was right as I found the picture a few weeks later. So get it. The more I learned to control my reaction the better my sitch got.
DB for you... Not her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
