I know how you feel right now, and don't blame you if you do raise hell.
However, having walked the path... I regretted every blow up / hell raise, and learned that I could have handled it better. I know you are spiraling in pain, and want to transmit that pain. It will not be effective communication right now, all she will hear is your anger.
You will probably feel this way all night and in the morning. I've stayed up all night, and waited till the morning to blow up first thing in the morning. You might not even be able to goto work tomorrow.
Usually takes 12+ hours for me to calm down a bit to have calm effective discussion.
It's not over, you are not done, and there's still a chance. Look at all the other people on here still.
I’m so sorry you found that kb. I completely understand the urge to go off and I know that’s exactly where my head would/will be in the same scenario. Listen to LovingIt though. You need to gather your thoughts and address this in a calm manner. You say the M is over, and I’ve always said the same thing if my W cheated, so I get it, but take some time to process before you ultimately make that decision. If you go at her now, you’ll drive her further away from you and she’ll help you solidify that decision by getting closer to the AP. Start reading. I know I haven’t really read up on how to deal with infidelity because I’ve been denying the possibility. Maybe start there and see how others have handled this sitch.
KB - I read a few of your threads last evening. First off I am sorry you found some upsetting texts . I’m curious exactly what you are considering “lesbian texts “ before you blow your lid . Is this a newer friend ? I only say this because if my H looked at my phone and saw messages to my BFF of 15 years if he didn’t know better he would may think the same thing . I mean we send I love u . I miss u texts frequent . I now live some distance away as she moved about 3 hours away . Before this we lived in same neighborhood and would see each other daily as we were both stay at home parents . We would grab coffee and have kids play . Or just take a late dinner to have now what I would call GAL. I am not close to my sister and neither is she and when I say she is my family she truly is . Few years ago she had too much to drink and confessed that she could live without many people even her H but not me . With our H’s there . Her mom died young and unexpected and really I held her together before she met her H. She also was my a huge support in my first D as that was a bad bad bad M. Thank god our Husbands have a sense over humor because we all laugh about it now .
I blew up. I tried to stay calm, but i woke her up and confronted her about it. She denied it the whole way through. They talk like they are in love. Baby, I love you, cant wait to be in your arms etc i know the difference, i'm not naive. they been secretly seeing each other. I admit i had so much to get off my chest that I just kept going with the questions and I was ANGRY. She kept denying and calling me psycho, insane, crazy etc. I haven't slept yet. I told her that we need to figure out whats best for the family and living situation because Im not going to live and support her while she's having an affair. I texted the oth
Are there any other sitchs like this out here. I feel like this might the only one. I truly believe my M is done. Especially since my W may be full blown lesbian.
So many emotions right now. Im exhausted but can't sleep. What happens now? I told her I want her out. She refuses to leave. Is she a lesbian now? Does she really love this girl? She's 11 years younger than my W. Is she really a lesbian? When do we tell our son? Do I show her proof of what I know? I took pictures of most of the texts and messages. I broken right now
Wow, you really should have gotten input here before confronting. Kb, impulsiveness will be your down fall. You're hurt and upset right now. Many are after discovering an affair. And then a few days or weeks go by and they decide they still want to fix things. So what you do and say now my have a huge impact on your such. Tread lightly. And yes, we've seen other ditches like this before. Sometimes the spouse was a repressed homosexual and finally couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes they are bisexual and were open to a relationship with the same sex because of what they were missing in their marriage. But it doesn't matter, cheating is cheating. Take some deep breaths and slow down. Running head long at 100 mph isn't going to help you right now.
(BRO HUGS)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
