It very well could be she has one, either as an EA and/or a PA. I would do some recon to try and find out because if she is in an active PA that jeopardizes your health! You need to know.
Am i missing the point? This is really starting to kill me. I thought I was getting stronger but every time I see her smiling while texting on her phone, or think about all the times she's been out until late it makes me want to find out if she's having an affair.
Does anybody have any thought on this? Is she concerned about my feelings or trying to cover her tracks?
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Alright so my wife came home this morning at 5:00am after the show she did makeup for had a big halloween party. Through out the party she was texting me letting me know she's still at the party, she's having a good time etc. I was asleep so didn't get the texts until I woke up. She texted when she was on her way home, and that she stopped off for some fast food and she'll be home shortly etc. Basically giving me a quick play by play. I appreciated that she was concerned enough about my feelings that she did that. When she did come home, she was in a good mood and told me how much fun she had. I told her that I was happy she had a good time. Part of me genuinely feels like she's just trying to be happy, and im glad she is feeling this way. On the other hand 5am is pretty damn late to be coming home when you have a child and husband a home. Just to give you some context, she just started doing makeup for the Lady Gaga show here in town. with Lady Gaga being such a huge celebrity, I believe it when my wife says they were having a blast.
But was she giving me too much information in attempt to cover her tracks? I don't know. Did she really want to keep me in the loop, or was she hiding something? I don't know what to think.
Like Steve advised, I should probably assume she's having an affair. But is there ever a time that I really try to investigate and find out the truth? Am I doomed to just wonder about it? Do I not have a right to know if she is or isn't?
So you understand how puppy dog tails would deal with it. You also saw MWD view point on some of the more controversial ideas. RobX Gucci have some good points as well. Coach was amazing Vet here.
I did not go looking for OM. That might not have been the best option.
If there is deception going on, I believe it is good to know that. Most guys that find out, do the wrong thing and confront too early, let there emotions control their actions and make things worse.
NEVER reveal WHAT you know. NEVER reveal HOW you know.
At the proper time , only reveal that you DO know. "We both know that is not true. If you tell me the truth , I will listen, otherwise I have better things to to than listen to lies"
It says SOME recon. If you choose this path, do not be obsessed. Only get enough to know what you are TRULY dealing with.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Kb, listen to R2C, especially the part about not obsessing. The other thing I believe I said was that the truth always has a way of coming to light. Be vigilant, observe the evidence. If you need to and have the opportunity to look into things then do it. But make sure what your state laws are before going to far
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Not a vet or expert... but it seems to be eating away at you, so you should probably do some recon to find the truth. You need to know what you are dealing with right now, and eventually any real chance at R will require the truth anyways.
Be mentally prepared for the worst, know that you will have a rush of emotions... anger, hurt, confusion, etc... so do not do say or do anything while you are emotional.
I personally always like the truth, no matter how much it hurts. And I'm very analytical and I obsess / dig into details - it's not for everyone. Metaphorically, I like keep touching the hot stove because it helps me detach. Experts suggest that before you dig into more details, take a day and ask yourself will it help you before you do.
On the optimistic side, you could find out there is no EA either
I just don't know how to go about investigating. I check our phone logs and see that she's talking a lot to her mom and sister, and also a single female friend that she's been in contact with since she dropped the bomb. My W had many lengthy conversations with this friend. Is she swinging the other way now? Or is my mind making up stories that mess me up even further? She's always on her phone and very protective of it, so theres no way I could grab it from her unless i'm upfront and ask that I see her phone. I guess I just have to bank on the truth coming to light one way or the other...
Any tips on getting more sleep? I'm starting to become worried because I've been running on fumes not getting sufficient sleep and food these days. This is rough as i can't focus on my work either.
I just don't know how to go about investigating. I check our phone logs and see that she's talking a lot to her mom and sister, and also a single female friend that she's been in contact with since she dropped the bomb. My W had many lengthy conversations with this friend. Is she swinging the other way now? Or is my mind making up stories that mess me up even further? She's always on her phone and very protective of it, so theres no way I could grab it from her unless i'm upfront and ask that I see her phone. I guess I just have to bank on the truth coming to light one way or the other...
You could be one of the lucky ones. Maybe she is just a WAW, and not a WW. Talking with family and friend is good, hopefully they are pro-marriage. I would not confront her or accuse her of anything worse at this point if you don't have concrete evidence.
My WW pretty much has stayed away from her family and friends. My WW also uses iMessage and Facetime to talk with OM, so it doesn't show up in cellular call logs.
Originally Posted by kbuenob
Any tips on getting more sleep? I'm starting to become worried because I've been running on fumes not getting sufficient sleep and food these days. This is rough as i can't focus on my work either.
Not sure, everyone goes thru this and it takes time. I still can't focus at work and just try to fake it through most days and make sure I get priorities done. Some people suggested getting anti-depressants, but you need to be careful with that and taper off it.
I find that reading this forum, reading relationship books, and watching YouTube videos on relationships helps me with my emotions and feel less isolated to fall asleep - make sure to clear your YouTube search + history. I lost a bunch of weight, so I remind / force myself to eat. Working out will also help.
So my W texts me after a long night at "work" 1230am and says she's going to have a few drinks with her coworkers. I respond with "have a good time" and then try to go back to sleep. Not sure what time she ended coming home.
When i woke up this morning I had this feeling of disgust. I'm starting to be less empathetic to her wanting to be happy and more disgusted that she's choosing her friends over her own son. I never felt angry towards her, but just extremely sad. Now I'm starting to get angry and really disappointed in my W. I'm hoping this will fuel my detachment. Reading TxHubby's sitch was really inspiring, and I need to get to a point of not giving a F about my W and TRULY focusing on myself. I felt like I've been faking the detachment thus far...I need to make it REAL.
I'm almost thinking about letting whatever she's doing slide. As in not giving a F if she's having an affair, not trying to snoop or investigate etc. If it's happening, it's happening. The truth will come out and if i'm playing my cards right, I'll be in a better place to either accept and forgive, or just move on and cut the rope.
