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A Message from Michele
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Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2882841
01/29/20 01:39 AM
01/29/20 01:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 8
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usc Offline
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Posts: 8
Hi Rooskers,

I have been on the forum for 4 months now but have yet to post. I just wanted to say that I am following your situation and I hope things even out for you eventually, the ups and downs can be so overwhelming.

Did you ever figure out why EXW met with the school over ballet when D has not been in ballet for over a year? Was she trying to use this as an official contact with the school in order to have things on record that she is denied communication with your daughter? This is kind of spooky and definitely warrants some psychological thought.

Definitely use your lawyer to guide you through these decisions, that is the smartest approach you can take to protect yourself.


Been around since Sept 2019. Will post my sitch soon.
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2883216
01/30/20 09:02 PM
01/30/20 09:02 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 224
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rooskers Offline OP
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USC

Quote
Did you ever figure out why EXW met with the school over ballet when D has not been in ballet for over a year?

She pulled D14 out of class last year to tell her "I don't love your dad anymore, I want him to raise you, and I will see you sometimes." This was what D14 told me right after and her story has stayed consistent. XW came to the school to establish a new story for why she did what she did. XW has rewritten the story to say that I was preventing her from seeing D14, she was afraid of me, and she did not know how to notify D14 that she would not be able to pick her up to take her to ballet that day. She told them that coming to school and pulling her out of class was the only way to communicate this to D14. I was told she cried during the whole thing and kept saying how very afraid she was of me and she was only just trying to let D14 know that she couldn't take her to ballet. D14 laughed and said "dad this is why I don't respect her as a mother anymore."

I have found out from D14 that one of her new best friends is a counselor which explains all the therapist jargon in her emails (extreme distancing, parental alienation, treatment goals). Since Christmas break has ended she has increased the allegations against me to her coworkers, friends, and community on how she had to leave me for her safety. All of this coincides with her getting a lawyer to amend the entire divorce decree. I have a meeting today with my lawyer and we will see what he says.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2883817
02/03/20 05:50 PM
02/03/20 05:50 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,525
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kas99 Offline
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Posts: 1,525
Love her logic she had to leave for HER safety yet she was perfectly fine leaving D14 there. Um good luck with that.

Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2883977
02/04/20 07:54 PM
02/04/20 07:54 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 224
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rooskers Offline OP
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~Continuing my journey~

I got an email telling me XW would be late to pick up D14 for her visitation time. I replied back with "Thank you for letting me know." She ended up not being late but I find it ironic that on New Year's Day when D14 was running behind and was a little late getting out to the car I got a nasty email saying how she has been waiting in the car for 10 minutes and demanding to know where D14 was.

Visitation was another disaster. I was sitting on the couch at around 7:30pm Saturday evening when the door opened and there was D14 who quickly slammed it shut. D14 wasn't expected back with me until evening of the next day. She was crying and extremely angry. I waited to see if she needed me to listen or if she just needed some space. In the end she gave me a coupon for a 2 minute hug that I made for her a couple days previously. I made her a bunch of fun different coupons for things like hugs or board games time. After the hug we sat on the couch and out comes the flood of frustration from D14's mouth. I am currently waiting for the email from my XW blaming me for the shortened visitation and how I am causing extreme distancing, I am manipulative, I am emotionally abusing XW, I am not co-parenting, I am lying, etc... I don't even bother responding anymore because there is no point.

XW continues to tell D14 that I was abusive behind closed doors, I am manipulative, I am controlling, I am not a good parent, I am a liar, etc... XW also tells D14 that she is not healthy if she is angry, she can't be healthy unless they have a relationship, that she shouldn't run away from her problems, and that she needs to have full custody and more visitation so she can help to fix D14. D14 tells her that it is healthy to be angry but not healthy if you act out in inappropriate ways with your anger. D14 tells her it is my choice to have a relationship with you and until you stop lying, admit what you have done, show empathy, and act like an adult, I have no desire to work on anything with you. D14 tells her that she isn't running away from her problems but working on them in therapy. Finally D14 said "dad is not the one who wants me to see you less, I do, so if you say you are taking him to court then what your really saying is you are taking me to court." D14 then said "visitation is about what is best for me not you so since you haven't been listening to me I have gotten a lawyer and am taking you to court so you will be forced to listen to me."

XW likes to tell her half truths and it angers D14 a lot. She told D14 she has been working on her relationship with her mom for months now. D14 calls up her grandma and asks if this is true and her grandma says "well she did email me a couple days ago accusing me of abusing her." XW tells D14 "I tried to get your dad to go to therapy but he wouldn't do it." Well she did say in an email to me a couple months after we were already divorced "you know if you would like to have a mediated discussion with my therapist that is still available." She tells D14 that she isn't lying about being abused behind closed doors but when D14 says "dad said he did no such thing so either he is lying or you are." XW responds "well, I am not lying." D14 responds "then you are calling my dad a liar." XW says "no I am not." D14 says "well if you aren't lying then you are certainly implying he is lying so you are calling my dad a liar." XW then says "I never called him a liar but..." At this point D14 tells her to shut up and goes upstairs, grabs her stuff, and tells her mom to take her home. Her mom then starts crying and says that this is all because you are being manipulated by your dad to hate me. D14 turns to her and says "Dad tells me that he didn't stop you from leaving because he loved you and that is what you wanted. Dad says he misses you but understands you need to journey on your own. I see him working on becoming a better person in therapy and working on what he did wrong in your relationship but he has to guess because you never talked to him but ran away. Dad also is the one who encourages me to have therapy visits with you and asks me to leave open the possibility of having a relationship with you. Dad doesn't talk bad about you unlike you." D14 then got in the car and put on her headphones and refused to talk with her mom the rest of the trip.

I am trying to see a light at the end of this. I just need to keep believing.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2884009
02/04/20 08:46 PM
02/04/20 08:46 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 236
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Rooskers, sorry I donīt have any advice for you but I just wanted to say Iīve read your sitch and yours is a tough one, especially compared to mine. You sound like such a great guy and definitely donīt deserve any of this. Sounds like you are being the best person you can be and what a great daughter you have standing up for you like that.

The positive thing about this is that you will come out at the end of this so much stronger and mentally prepared for anything if you use this to grow. And it sounds like you are.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2884023
02/04/20 09:23 PM
02/04/20 09:23 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,007
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AnotherStander Offline
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Rooskers, your D is one intelligent, aware young lady. It is extremely unfortunate that her mother is so far behind her on the maturity scale. Hang tough my friend.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2884025
02/04/20 09:26 PM
02/04/20 09:26 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 224
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rooskers Offline OP
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BenB thanks for the encouragement.

Quote
You sound like such a great guy and definitely donīt deserve any of this.

D14 said to me "dad I think you are a victim but you don't walk around or act like one." I told her that even though both of us will experience a lot of things in life we don't deserve, both good and bad, all we can do is choose how we respond.

Quote
Sounds like you are being the best person you can be and what a great daughter you have standing up for you like that.
The positive thing about this is that you will come out at the end of this so much stronger and mentally prepared for anything if you use this to grow.

My relationship with D14 was so strong for so many years and now it has been taken to a whole new level. I am truly blessed to watch D14 grow as an individual. D14 is also in a unique spot because she is witnessing me grow as well. We do so much together but also are able to do so much by ourselves.

BenB your sitch was the first one I read on this board and was one of the reasons I decided to join. I am sorry I haven't really contributed but know that I care.

AS - Thanks, her lawyer contacted me and said the only reason she was taking D14 on as a client was because of the maturity she showed during her phone conversation and office meeting she had with her.


Last edited by rooskers; 02/04/20 09:28 PM.

1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2884039
02/04/20 10:37 PM
02/04/20 10:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,068
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neffer Offline
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You have a treasure there Roos. Keep shining for her. Truth will prevail.

Stand strong, both of you!


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: 22 Years Gone Part 2 [Re: rooskers] #2884166
02/05/20 06:32 PM
02/05/20 06:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 224
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rooskers Offline OP
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The light continues to shine on my new thread. Please join me there.

22 Years Gone Part 3


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
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