R2C, ok will do. I will continue to be patient and wait for her to come to me.
Man, it's tough because i'm so very attracted to my wife. Of course more so now because she doesn't want me lol. I look at her now and all I want to do is jump her bones. Funny how that works. I remember she would throw herself at me and I would be too tired. She had a certain laugh when she was in the mood. I would give anything to hear that laugh again...
As far as acts of service, I would say that I've been pretty good at helping around the house and domestic duties. I'll just keep it up..no more, no less...
are there other acts of service examples besides domestic duties?
As far as acts of service, I would say that I've been pretty good at helping around the house and domestic duties. I'll just keep it up..no more, no less...
are there other acts of service examples besides domestic duties?
Have you read 5LL? That's where the term comes from and there's a lot of great info in there about how to appeal to someone through their PLL. That said, be careful, because 5LL is written for people who have a good relationship that just needs some improvement, not for a LBS dealing with a WAS. A lot of the techniques in 5LL will just put pressure on the WAS. Helping around the house and domestic duties are absolutely not going to appeal to her right now. A lot of LBS's become very beta after marriage and kids, and when their wife goes rogue they double-down on the beta activities thinking that will help. The problem is she's no longer attracted to you, and being the perfect housekeeper is not going to bring her attraction back. Alpha qualities are what women find attractive. Beta stuff is fine in combination with alpha, but not at the exclusion of alpha. If you don't understand the difference between alpha and beta, read The Married Man Sex Life Primer. It is an unvarnished look, lol!
I've read it when our relationship was good and didn't take much heed to it unfortunately. I agree that the 5LL techniques are for marriages that are in a good place. Wish I took it seriously.
Ok I will check out The Married Man Sex Life Primer!
There were some moments that I think contributed to my wife not being attracted to me. I've exhibited weakness and was going through my own depression and would have anxiety attacks. Crying and pleading for my wife to understand my perspective on things. Concerns about money always brought me to a low place and she saw it. Being selfish when my wife needed me most (Steve pointed this out to me). Would those be examples of beta behavior as well?
As far as Alpha behavior- any examples before I get the book? I'm thinking things like: keeping a calm and relaxed attitude, maintaining my confidence, being decisive, etc
So my wife has a late night gig tonight- she's in the beauty industry and recently got a gig to do makeup for a big show here in town. This is a great experience for her and will be great for her resume. She started about 2 weeks ago and works about 3 nights a week. To say i'm a little nervous about it is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, i'm really happy for her, but considering the state of our relationship I am most definitely insecure about the whole thing. Tonight being halloween, there is an after party for the crew and of course my mind is playing all types of crazy movies.
Anyway, she missed Halloween with our son tonight because of it. I took the little guy trick or treating with cousins and it was a nice time. I watched all the other families together and it made me realize how much I cherish my FAMILY. It is what I want, and want to give my heart and my focus to. It made me wonder about my W. If this family isn't what she wants, then whats the sense of trying to DB? If her heart isn't into making this work, then why am I wasting time being patient, pulling away to get her back, detaching, 180's etc. I mean yes, I know the whole thing is to become a better person with or without her, but I can't lie. I want to be happy again. Is it selfish of me to think about throwing in the towel now in hopes of finding love with someone else? sorry guys, it's just one of those nights...
Also need some advice regarding our 10S if any one can help...
I think he is starting to feel the "less than loving" energy within our home. All his life he was used to seeing mommy and daddy hugging and kissing each other. Hearing us flirt, and being in love. We would put him in the middle of us and call him our sandwich. Love was abundant and everlasting to him.
For the past 4 months he hasn't been experiencing that love between his mommy and daddy and I think he's starting to feel it. He seems more irritable and disrespectful. Just the other day, I picked him up from school and he immediately started to sob and he couldn't tell me why. He loves martial arts like me, but hasn't been wanting to train lately. One day when I was feeling really depressed, I cried uncontrollably and he seen me which made him cry as well. I felt horrible for that.
Again, my W has been working late nights recently, and also had those few times where she went out and came home very late from partying (4-5:30am). One time when i asked him what's wrong, he said he missed his mama.
The other night before my W went to work, my son said,"Do you like working, or me better mama?" for which she did not reply. i felt like I had to correct him and I said,"Hey man that's mamas work, and it's important." It bothered me that she didn't say anything and also bothered me that I defended her.
So how do i address the situation with him? Do I tell my wife that she needs to talk to him about her work, so he understands better what is going on and why she's working at night? Do I tell my wife that our son has been having issues with her not being at home as much as before? I'm afraid she's will think that i'm the one that planted that seed in his head, when it was just him observing the truth.
