Lolol - I was just talking to my best friend the other day, about how my ex's young wife didn't get the same guy that I married. I'll have to rephrase it - I got his "best D years" I guess!
Oh dear. My next door neighbours are separating. I found out just now when I sent them a note to let them know that I've ordered my new car with delivery expected in a couple of weeks. The guy in the relationship is a bit of a jerk and has anger management issues but we've always gotten along as neighbours. The lady involved is the one who actually owns the house and who I messaged and I told her that if she needs anything to let me know. I think they've been together about 10 years or so now I think. Certainly more than 5 or 6. It's always been pretty "bumpy" and loud over there. B used to be rather put out by hearing the regular loud arguments.
Unfortunately it means that the original plan of selling my Corolla to them is now bust. But I hadn't truly counted on that anyway. I'm confident that I'll sell it fairly easily. I've reached out to CL (for the first time since February) who was looking for a cheap car for her daughter and may to FSL who could probably use one too even if she doesn't have her full license.
Crazy busy couple of days. I went to my nephew's wedding yesterday and while the bride was delayed in arriving, it all went off well and they looked so very happy. I found that I could be truly happy for them without measuring anything against my own failed marriage. My BIL did press on where my date was - as he undoubtedly recalled meeting CL at the stag-and-doe last fall. I brushed him off with a joke saying that my cats weren't allowed. The wedding was lovely with some very touching moments when the fact that my nephew came in to a relationship with a woman who already had 3 small children (now 4) came up. The oldest daughter who is perhaps 8 made the sweetest speech about how much she loves her "real Daddy". I doubt there was a dry eye in the place.
Ordering the car went both more complicated than I expected and as smoothly as expected. My salesman had thought I would be in next week, not this but had most things ready. The finance person who is the daughter of an old family friend was pleased that all she had to do was push a button and the auto-approval came through which was not a surprise at all to me. Delivery should be in a few days. I'm going to have it delivered with snow tires installed and I'll get a trailer hitch put on after delivery. It's not a dealer available option.
As the finance person is well acquainted with everything including doing the financing for S25's car, we had an interesting chat about how he's doing - or not - and compared to her own challenges with her own kids. She had some eye rolls about S25's mother and her confidence on his ability to pay the car loan she wrote for them. She also knows the terms of my settlement so knows that my ex has the money coming in to cover the payments at least. I know she's divorced but am unsure if she's seeing someone now or not. Her words indicate that she's doing it on her own and has for some years but her social media shows a blended family. She is a nice lady and we've known each other since as we would say here, we were "knee high to a grasshopper".
I got in to the cafe for my scone a few hours later than usual but they saved it for me. Staff and friends were busy chatting and having "lunch" and I was interrogated about my trip to Spain. The owner teased me about the fact that I should have found love there and when I commented on the size of the bed she made me blush by saying that the answer was "1 wide 2 high". Much laughter. I am so very fortunate in my friends.
Out at the bank, the teller who I may have mentioned I've seen on OLD was extra chatty and friendly even though I was being served by another teller. We had a nice chat about my trip to Spain and laughs about some of my misadventures.
Well - I still have a bunch of groceries to put away, another load of laundry to do plus updating my budget and adding on the new car payments. My bed is freshly made (a priority for me) with my fresh roses beside it. I'm feeling pretty confident about my date tomorrow - which surprisingly nobody at the cafe has any news of even though S works there.
Sending my message to CL reminded me of The Princess Bride - a movie about True Love and Fate - and where she does in many ways resemble Princess Buttercup and I Wesley. Like with B, I have at this point pretty much only positive memories about her even if we weren't the best of matches despite what Fate or Destiny may have writ. I do believe that is on this evening's agenda now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Had a nice first date with S. I was early (of course) and she was slightly late arriving at a near trot. It seems that her daughter needed both the bathroom and van as she was wanting to be ready so she had to hoof it along the street. I'm glad I picked a place semi-accidentally fairly close to where she lived. I did suspect that she lived in that close by town but didn't know for sure.
Greeting was a nice hug - it seemed "normal" and non-threatening - we had a nice visit and went over a bit of our separate back stories and talked about all sorts of things exploring what we each liked. She liked the fridge magnet I got her depicting "her" royal palace in Spain and appreciated my Pirates of the Caribbean reference to a "drawing of a palace" vs an actual palace. It was incredibly stress free and I enjoyed myself. We were out for probably over an hour and I think the waitress was happy to get the table back.
Since she had walked, I offered to walk her home to her apartment the dozen or so blocks. Got another nice but friendly only hug good bye. I wasn't even tempted to go for a smooch - didn't feel right.
We'll probably go out again in the next week or so - perhaps hitting a craft show or flea market. I messaged her a picture of my newly decorated side porch door with a note "thank you for the gift of your time" later in the afternoon. I always like that sentiment.
Couple of red flags of sorts. She is more or less a SAHM and lives off child support. Three ex husbands. One pays regularly, one doesn't and the other she doesn't have a child with. Three kids currently at home D18, S17, S12. She has a big 4 bedroom apartment that may actually have more square footage than my house. We started a running joke where I'd comment about having a garden and BBQ etc and she would retort with "I hate you". Other but not surprising red flag was that she never offered to split the bill. I would have countered with the "I invited you". I do expect she is living with a fairly tight budget. Her kids never seem to lack and the way she talked she is all about the bargains and economizing. She was appreciative of my trip that we talked about but in no way seemed envious.
Not sure where / if this will go anywhere. I have an adventure companion for the next while. Certainly a big difference from B as S not only used the word misogynistic but also used it correctly in a sentence.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I ask, because whoever set up the date should pay. Something about splitting the bill I do not like. I would pay if I set up the date. And I would pay on the second date if he paid the first . I wouldn’t call it a red flag. Just a different way of doing things .
Glad your date went well. I may be in the minority here, but I don’t think her not offering to split the bill is a red flag in and of itself, particularly if you invited her and knowing she’s a SAHM with a house full of kids relying on support from XHs. (That is more a red flag to me, but I digress...)
I am not a SAHM nor do I rely on someone else for support but if a man asks me out, I don’t offer to split the cost unless we explicitly discuss it first. If a guy asks me out, I assume it’s his treat. Now, if they ask for coffee or a drink or something, I will totally offer to pay my share. If we get past the first date, I have no problem asking and paying for whatever plans I might make.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I ask, because whoever set up the date should pay. Something about splitting the bill I do not like. I would pay if I set up the date. And I would pay on the second date if he paid the first . I wouldn’t call it a red flag. Just a different way of doing things .
She suggested that we go out. I named the time and place. So to me it was my suggestion.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks, One of the things I like about being single is that I can do whatever the heck I want on the house.
I'm rather worried about S25. I've not really talked to him since I got back from Spain but Sunday Supper is one of those "must attend" events in my house. Some of the comments he had had me pointing him to the mental health crisis line number which is on our fridge. He mentioned that one of his former room-mates just got engaged. I suspect that he is looking at his life living in his childhood bedroom and just thinking WTF. He wouldn't be wrong.
This is where I could really use help from his mother. My best reaction was to ask if he wanted mashed or boiled potatoes (we had mashed). He's off to his poker game around the corner.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I think the more likely red flag was that she’s been divorced 3 times and lives off of child support. But hey, perhaps she can just be a friend you do some stuff with. Friends of the opposite sex are great. Friends who you share interests with in general are great!
As far as your son.... if you are truly worried about self harm, perhaps that is something you can share with your ex. For your son’s sake. If you don’t know what to do and they have a relationship, maybe make her aware so she can open up the conversation.
If you want your best way to help him, I would ask “what are your goals, and how can I help you get there?” Maybe he does want to do something with his life but just does not know where to even begin he is so overwhelmed . You are a very organized plan maker and I’m sure you could be so helpful in that area.
