These boots

[doodler]

It's not the wrong day. We use a metric calendar here and are just about to start the month of Octovember.

Ah, the metric calendar. You can't buy those in the United States. I prefer furlongs and fortnights.

...the "deluxe" meal was if they put wieners in with the baked beans.

That's the cool thing, the bar is set so low that you're almost guaranteed to be a successful cook as long as you don't vomit in your own creations. After you've fed the crew your shrimp scampi, mushroom risotto and peanut butter cookies, you'd probably be in high demand with the sailing crowd.

I did have a quick look at the site you suggested and there's not a lot of berths that look appealing to me and while I do have my "White Sail III" certification that's only good for a dingy and not the RYA certifications that they are looking for.

I don't have any certifications, but I would like to crew someday just for the experience. In my mid-teens, I had a little sailing dingy that I loved to sail. I've also sailed a Hobie. That one got away from me one time when I was literally in the middle of a lake (long story) and I had to swim all the way back to shore. I've also been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World about 100 times; surely that counts for something.

[Dawn70]

I did have a look from time to time to see if B unblocked me to see my vacation pics. If you unblock someone you can't re-block them for 3 days. Nope. If she wanted to, she could have seen them through someone else's account. I know her daughter creeped my Facebook profile when we were first dating. As more time passes, the more I realize that it was good that that relationship ended. It probably never should have gone as far as it did - but like Ginger mentioned on her thread - I believed the words even when the actions didn't match up. And I do know that the house was a real problem for her even if GS3/4 loved coming there to visit. She did feel it was too big, the street noise - which is worse in the summer. The words of "we'll still be friends" were perhaps also false. I'm choosing to believe that she believed all those words when she said them. No harm is done to me by that and it helps me keep that all as positive memories.

My first date with S is organized - she contacted me with a "good morning" mid-morning. Even though I messaged her daily while I was in Spain - that was because she expressed interest in "traveling along with me". It will be interesting to see if a "good morning" becomes a regular thing. We're going out for brunch this Sunday. We already know each other a bit so the usual first coffee date isn't really necessary. She has gluten sensitivity so picking a spot was tricky. She seemed surprised and pleased that it was a factor for me. Now for the nerves and the over-thinking.

I am pretty sure I have said this to G, so I will say it to you too, in light of your line that B's "we'll still be friends" might have been false. I think in both of your situations (G's and yours) your respective partners did have genuine love for you, but that love was only at a level that they were capable of giving. I don't think you were intentionally lied to or mislead, but I think that B likely didn't fit in your world and didn't see where she ever would. You are extremely intelligent, well-read, and have a wide variety of interests. While I'm all for people having differences as they can complement each other and learn from each other in that way, it can also be rather difficult when the differences are as extreme as yours and B's seemed. As I have said many times, I'm sure she's a lovely woman and I can see why you fell for her. But at the same time, you need someone more intelligent, more worldly (for lack of a better word) who can better keep up with you, on many levels. Was the house a real concern? For her, likely it was, but maybe not for the reason you assume. Who knows? And, more to the point, does it really matter?

Here's the thing, Andrew....she blocked you because she is not interested in seeing what you are up to. If she was interested in that and if she was really dedicated to "still be friends", she would still have a place in your life and still be looking at your facebook and reaching out to you. She closed that door, so stop beating on it. It occurred to me last night that you are like my best friend. And what actually made me think of it was a story he was telling. His oldest son got married this weekend. Oldest son's biological mother didn't come to the wedding, but she's never had a great relationship with the boy and lost custody of him to my best friend when son was really young. So, the "real" mom in son's life was my best friend's second wife S. But, then best friend divorced S and married a 3rd woman, C. He always refers to C as his "soul mate" and to this day, pines for her something fierce. All of his children have long been done with this woman because she cheated on best friend and then divorced him for the man she'd been cheating with (to whom she is currently married) and they don't want to have anything to do with her, but anytime one of them has some big event, best friend kind of tries to manipulate them into including her. Well, the story he told me last night was that son had hand-written her a note begging her to come to the wedding because he loved her and she was the "woman who raised him" so she was special to him. Well, C didn't show up. She never shows up when he wants her to, but that is a whole other story. At the wedding, several of best friend's family members commented on how they noticed that son had included a pic of S on the memorial table (she passed away 7 years ago) and I personally heard son tell several people that S was the woman who raised him. According to best friend, however, son was just devastated that C didn't show up. Well, no, best friend was upset that she didn't show, but I guarantee son didn't think twice about it. I'm completely hijacking your post to talk about people you don't know, but my point here is that best friend hangs on to little things about this past relationship in an effort to keep hope alive and maybe even to make the memories a little more palatable. It reminds me of some of your posts....like the part of this one where you are talking about continuing to look to see if B unblocked you. I get that you are a passionate man who loves deep and you are also a rescuer, like my best friend. You so wanted to rescue B from what you thought was, possibly, an unpleasant existence for her, but that was her norm. Sure, you had a great deal to offer her and you are quite the catch, but sometimes women don't want to be rescued. That doesn't make you a bad buy or anything. Quite the contrary, I think you are a really good guy. I think you are very much who you say you are and that can be a rare find.

I know my giving you a hard time about letting stuff your XW does or says go and now letting stuff about B go really does no good because you can't really change who you are. I truly just hope that you, someday, find a great woman who deserves someone as awesome as you and she rescues you while you are rescuing her.

[AndrewP]

Quiet day thus far and a quiet week. Still working on getting my internal clock back in tune. The letter J coming off my keyboard around lunchtime yesterday was about as exciting as it got. It took me probably 1/2 an hour to put it back on I ended up going out in to the plant for a while to deal with an issue in Packaging as well and realized that I probably should get my safety training updated. Not that I was mucking around with anything dangerous but it is a pretty dangerous place and I was out there alone for a while. The shop foreman and office staff did all know that that was were I was as well.

A friend of mine passed on some rumours of yet another corporate restructuring with a "get out of there" comment. Given the source of the rumour though I figure that they don't really know anything more than I do. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about all this sort of stuff but I don't. Given the basis of the rumour which I can't really go in to here I think that I would continue to be employed and perhaps be busier which would be good. But rumours like this have been swirling for a while without any apparent real basis.

S24 has been in a good humour since I got home. My "something's odd" bump is itchy though. Maybe it's just that he missed me. No "herbal" scent in the house at all either.

I messaged back and forth with S yesterday evening after I did my ironing and while I was working on the dishes. A variety of random topics. She asked me what I did as a job to which I asked if this was the Spanish Inquisition which then turned into a discussion of Monty Python. She says she's a fan. Certainly culturally she's seems a decent fit but that's not a surprise. I'm slightly terrified but also looking forward to our brunch on Sunday. Certainly would be a different dynamic than with B as S has 3 kids still at home (5 total) one of whom is still fairly young so scheduling excursions might be a bit of a challenge. Then again it might just be a nice brunch with a friend and not go anywhere. I do doubt that that is her intention though.

Busy times coming up. One of my nephews is getting married on Friday afternoon so I booked that off work. They have 5 small kids so I'm getting them a gift card for a large amount of pizza. I have to root around for a gift box and a card. I won't be staying over as the next morning I have a haircut and then will be buying a new car all before lunch. While I was in Spain I saw a Renault Twizy - seriously cool but also impractical for me. They actually are available in Canada now it turns out. In Madrid where space is at a premium a lot of buildings have had garages dug under them and they use a cool bifold door that takes up little space. Very like the ones used on airplane hangars. I've been needing a new door on my own garage for a long time and have constraints on overhead space and so one of these might work for me. I'm trying to figure out how to build one and there are a number of design elements that are proving difficult. It's tempting to just start building and work it out as I go along.

A bit worried about signing up for the financial commitment of car payments given the uncertainty of life and the lack of a backstop. Unlike years ago, I have very few monthly bills any more and have had no debt outside of my mortgage for a long time. The old Corolla has done well for me but it is well past time to let her retire.

Thanks for the whack upside the head Dawn. I will undoubtedly never know the whichness of why as far as B goes. And I think I've grown enough as a person to be ok with that. I have my own reality and memories which are generally positive and that is what I'll live with. I'm also finding that as time passes that I view my past with my exW with a more rosy tint. There were a lot of good times for a lot of years. I absolutely can't see starting anything new with the person that I believe she is now. Not that I know anything other than second or third hand reports.

Well back to work. Wednesday update over at least for now.

[kml]

That's how I view my ex - despite all the crummy things (both at the end and during the marriage) I still feel like I got more good years out of the marriage than most, at least from my (possibly deluded) mindset at the time. I wouldn't take him back on a silver platter but I try not to let the bad stuff erase the good times that we did have.

[Dawn70]

Thank you, kml and Andrew, for both making my point far more succinctly than I did. That was what I was trying (not so eloquently) to say. Maybe it is because their situations are fresher that Andrew and G have the feelings they do, but as I'm removed from my D, I try not to let the negative of his cheating and OW and all that plus the out of nowhere divorce cloud the fact that we actually did have good times. And, if it weren't for my XH, I wouldn't have my amazing daughters. Sure, I could've married someone else with amazing children, but I wouldn't have THESE girls. I'm proud of you, Andrew, for trying to see the positive in what you and B had because there was good there.

I totally agree with kml….I wouldn't take my XH back if someone served him up on a silver platter with 100 dollar bills stuffed in every nook and cranny he's got. But, there were good times and I will treasure those moving forward. I hope you can find that peace at some point as well, Andrew (and G too!).

[Ginger1]

I certainly wouldn’t take my ex husband back for all the money I’m the world. The thought nauseates me. So I’m there. My M was much different than others. It was honestly never good and that isn’t me rewriting history. But I am far removed enough that I am ambivalent about it all. It’s probably the reason why I desire a functional relationship where I can say it was good. Because I am almost 40 and feel like I never had a real M or R.

Anyways. Sorry for the hijack

[doodler]

Now that you've resolved and reconciled issues with your past relationships, I think it's time for you to contemplate one of life's most important questions...

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

[AndrewP]

Now that you've resolved and reconciled issues with your past relationships, I think it's time for you to contemplate one of life's most important questions...

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African or European?

When I was standing on the parapet of The Alcázar of Segovia I could also swear that I smelt elderberries.

[doodler]

African or European?

I don't know that.

When I was standing on the parapet of The Alcázar of Segovia I could also swear that I smelt elderberries.

The scent of elderberry reminds me of my father.

Oh well, enough silliness. It's time for my wafer thin mint and then I'll be off to work.

[AndrewP]

I was going through some backups yesterday and came across a bunch of pictures of my ex and her family that I had deleted from my main account when I was upset after bomb-day and was purging her from my life. I gave it some thought and restored the missing files. They are part of my history. If someone new comes across them, it is part of who I was that made me who I am.

As I mentioned previously, I'm viewing the past with rather rose coloured glasses lately. Not that I have any expectation of getting back together with either my ex or B - nor really any desire to do so.

I do worry about them though. A good friend chastized me last night after I mentioned that I was worried about the future that B presumably has in front of her that I need to stop being a rescuer. She is undoubtedly right. I did catch myself browsing B's best friend's social media profile with an itch to connect. Back in the day I never did connect to them. In hindsight it is still surprising how separate our social circles were. B seemed very reluctant to enter mine and given the vibes I was getting from her, I didn't intrude on her's.

I was also tempted to contact my ex and ask her if she wanted any of those pictures. Before I had purged I had given a copy to D27 along with financial documents etc in case her mother asked for them. So there is no need for me to do that.

Ah well - I didn't contact either one even though my rationalizations seemed good to me. One more victory. One more step forward and one less reason to look in the rear-view mirror.

As far as my ex goes I honestly have no real knowledge about her life. As far as I know she and OM are shacked up in her apartment over the liquor store and she's still and angry bitter woman. Slightly surprising that they live there since he's undoubtedly got a fair amount of money despite now being retired. She's not contacted me directly in any fashion probably since I think November 2016. I doubt that she's living a life that gives her a lot of Joy. Depending on how things work out with OM - her future, like that of B - is probably similarly constrained in lifestyle and opportunity. I am honestly still surprised that she's still in the area. It's not as if she spends any time with S25 and the bulk of her former friends dumped her after it was revealed what she did. The latter I think is the key part of her angst.

There was a discussion recently here about past good times with our ex spouses. I chuckled to myself recalling a meme I see from time to time that refer to "best boob years". I certainly got what were undoubtedly the best years my ex had to give both physically and mentally. I like to think that I have a lot of good years in front of me. I am in my peak earning years, still have my health, am financially secure. As everyone keeps assuring me "a catch". When I look at myself critically I have my own doubts but when I compare myself to other men of my age I do think that I do measure up. I'm heavier than I would like to be. Enjoy my beer a bit more than I should. Do at times have quiet and somewhat dark moods. On the other hand I do my best to be kind and giving and to find joy in both the quiet and absurd.

It's astounding thinking about it, how much life and living I've done that hasn't involved her nor even being in a relationship. Even though B and I did certainly have a relationship, it was only for a few months and she was away so much that we never really built any routines or "normals" for us.

While I was making breakfast I realized that there are a large number of "normal" things that I do now that are very different. This was also apparent when I was looking back at old pictures that showed everyday activities around the house from years ago. 4 years ago she would have been presumably struggling with the lure of her affair and I was doing my best to keep the home world calm and be supportive of my "depressed and menopausal" wife.

I'm 90+% sure that D27 won't be coming home for Thanksgiving which is now only 2 weeks away. That's too bad. I was working on my grocery list over breakfast this morning and wrote down turnip and butternut squash. Best to get that sort of stuff a bit early so that those traditional (now - and to me) foods are available. We used to always have turnip but butternut squash is a new addition. I'll also do roast duck (also new), mashed potatoes with duck gravy, with rhubarb and black currant pie for desert. I only own 7 plates so if you come for supper, we need to keep the numbers down to that They are Ikea plates though so I may top up the number at some time.

Haven't heard from S in the last day or so but that's fine and "normal". I'm looking forward to our date on Sunday. I was browsing OLD and noticed that a clerk from my bank who I quite like is now on there. I was rather surprised to see her age as 50. I'd put her at about 38 in my mind. I did notice that her pictures don't really reveal how extra curvy she actually is. Assuming that my date with S is a dud - which the odds are moderately low of - there are at least 3 women who I would be comfortable reaching out to that I've seen. This stealth mode works for me.

S25 continues to be in a fairly good humour. We actually had a pleasant chat about his applying for jobs and looking for an apartment. As if it was a normal thing for him to be doing and not something that I've pressured him into. I expect that he's feeling his own pressure. It would be good if he has something for the New Year. Sheesh - talking about that already.

Working from home this morning and taking the afternoon off. One of my nephews is getting married this afternoon a 2 1/2 hour drive away. It will probably be late by the time I get home. Tomorrow (Saturday) is a busy day. A haircut and buying a new car are added to the regular agenda. I hope to get the flower beds prepped for winter over the weekend and maybe go for a ramble around the countryside for things to decorate the house for autumn. Since I've been alone, I've been decorating the posts on the side porch with tall grasses and dried wildflowers. I think it looks nice. It might be a joint expedition with S depending on how brunch goes.