A generic topic getting better. I think about things I need to fix. My latest challenge is to stop being a victim and to stop being negative. I’m trying to stop complaining and stop being a Debbie downer. These thoughts come into my head and I have bite my tongue to not say these things. Like here I want to whine.
I’m 6 months out and I’m backsliding. D14 has chosen to live with WAH. He’s pursued her, promised her the moon and now I feel like she’s pulling away. People here said I’m not losing her but I am. WAH is out there having a grand old time without me. He is happier than me and the kids won’t want to spend time with me. D14 will be an only child and who wouldn’t love that? She will get his full attention, something I can’t give her with 3 kids. He will have more money than me so he can afford to take them on vacations or other fun things. I can’t compete with that. He knows more people than me. Has more resources than me. The deck is stacked in his favor. On my current budget I’ll be lucky to buy food. His plan to remove me from his life and our kids lives will be easy once he gets a house.
Only some of this is true but my dark thoughts are strong. I’ve lost everything even S19 said that. Said it’s the reason he’s standing by me. He doesn’t want me to die.
He got them a really great present. D14 is a princess, the baby of the family, likes nice things, things I can't afford anymore. At first WAH's actions were to take his money and leave. If they needed anything he made them come to him. He'd take D14 shopping and out to eat. This was how he got her to spend time with him. D14 came up with this plan that we'd shop (it's a mom thing), she'd pick out what she wanted then when he took her out she'd pretend and got him to buy it. WAH hates to shop. Soon he started giving me child support and now we share the shopping. D14 worked out a new plan where he buys the expensive things like shoes and I took her to consignment stores.
I'm being ridiculous. D14 and WAH both have this vision of how this is going to go down and while he might pull it off in the beginning it's not sustainable. I think he's going to have to pay me more than he wants to which will put us on equal grounds. He also works a lot and D14 will be lonely. I'm not even sure how he's going to get her to/from school everyday without the bus (to rent a house he will have to go outside the district).
WAH is an overly optimistic dreamer. Always has been. Me and the older kids think he's sold D14 a bill of goods that he can't deliver. This won't be the first time he's done this to her since he left. Out of the 3 kids she's the only one who doesn't quite see how this is going to play out. She's got stars in her eyes - I can tell by what she says that WAH has promised her a great life. She will have a great life eventually just not as soon as she thinks.
Hey Kas, WAH is out there having a grand old time without me.
Originally Posted by “Kas99”
WAH is out there having a grand old time without me.
A couple posts ago, he was having a miserable time after moving out.
Originally Posted by “Kas99”
I have bite my tongue to not say these things. Like here I want to whine.
When I bite my tongue, the pressure builds. I think the trick is to actually not focus on them—whether he will or won’t succeed, how he will or won’t fulfill his promises to his daughter or get her to school.
A couple posts ago, he was having a miserable time after moving out.
I change the narrative in my head unless the kids tell me otherwise. His misery is from working so much which he says will end once he moves.
Quote
When I bite my tongue, the pressure builds. I think the trick is to actually not focus on them—whether he will or won’t succeed, how he will or won’t fulfill his promises to his daughter or get her to school.
She's my kid so it's hard. This whole time I was convinced that this would never happen (expectations I know). He promised her something else that I knew wouldn't happen either. At some point he had me (via D14) actually believing he might actually come through. After she got the rejection letter I realized he found a loophole. He found a way to say no without being the bad guy. I was impressed actually.
So here we are in the 11th hour and its hard to stay out of this.
I can only think of two instances where people here had their WAS discover their posts here and in both cases it was because they had forgotten and left a browser open at home with this site open and they were logged in, and their WAS found it. A lot of people are worried their WAS will do a Google search and find their posts here but it's highly unlikely since we don't use names or cities or anything. Sometimes I will try to find the posts of someone I know posts on here and can't find them. It's like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack.
I can only think of two instances where people here had their WAS discover their posts here and in both cases it was because they had forgotten and left a browser open at home with this site open and they were logged in, and their WAS found it. A lot of people are worried their WAS will do a Google search and find their posts here but it's highly unlikely since we don't use names or cities or anything. Sometimes I will try to find the posts of someone I know posts on here and can't find them. It's like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack.
I googled something and a post of mine showed up from another board. Scary right?
Some boards (not this one) show up in google searches if you ask the right question.
Here I waffle between reading life after D forums or piecing. Too broken to read Newcomers.
I finally found a situation that is the closest to mine on here. Before you blast me for this I hated the story. The post is too old so I can't follow the story but the gist of it is he left (I think) because she was mentally ill. Angry, controlling, depressed, the whole nine.
He came back yes but not for 2.5 years and not until she got better.
Here is why I hated the story. I want a shortcut. I want to avoid the pain. I don't want to do the work. I want to be rescued. I want guarantees. I want fast results. I want a pill that turns me into a great person. And if I can't have this I start fantasizing about dying. No I'm not suicidal I'm looking for a way out.
