I appreciate all the love. I guess it has to get worse before it gets better. And I have to believe it will get better. I think half of it is missing what I thought I had, and the realization Iím back to square one and alone yet again. Itís a wicked combination.
I did something dumb today and I slipped. I was dropping off D12 for cheer practice before our town day event and I saw one of the attractions were going to BMX bike stunt shows. Mís son was getting really into BMX biking with M. I took a picture of the sign and simply said that I thought his son might enjoy it. That was it. No response of course . I actually realized after I sent it, I hoped he wouldnít respond. Heís exactly who he showed me he was . And Iím not interested in him. The real him he showed to me. Highly unattractive anyways .
I walked around town for the festivities with my friend whoís getting the mastectomy on oct 11 itís scheduled for. And her husband. There is this cute little boutique in town and I spent too much on this sweater I loved ($45 is normal for most people, not me) and she treated herself to a breast cancer awareness baseball cap and a new pair of earrings from there . Iím going to be there and do anything I can do to help, send meals, drive kids, etc.
Leaving for the game soon. At least exH wonít be there. Heís in Kentucky for some music festival, probably cheating on his wife if some woman would give him the time of day.
Tomorrow I am buying dirt to fill the hole in my backyard. Iíll seed this week. Iím hoping to hear about the second job I applied for.
Oh, and I was talking to me dad who is on vacation right now with his wife, and his cousin and wife. His cousin has a lot of money, his wife is a well kept woman who spends all his money. Their daughter, who is my cousin and we are the same age, got everything handed to her and just saved from all the trouble she got in her whole life. She happens to be drop dead beautiful and married a guy who makes 500k a year. So she stays at home with the kids and their nanny in a few million dollar mansion. Anyways, I want my daughter to get into this special academy for high school. Itís at a different high school which is closer and right across the street from my work. There are limited spots though and you have to earn it. My dad says he told his cousin about it, and he said ďoh, Iíll get her in, I know this one and that one, and for sure, Iíll get her in. I told my dad under absolutely no circumstances is he to do that. My daughter will legit earn it. And if she doesnít, she goes to the regular high school. I see what happened to his daughter having every strong pulled for her ( even their son, but heís a sweet down to earth guy, I like him) and I will not allow it. This isnít the kind of help I need or want in my life and no good lesson to teach my daughter.
So, thats It. Off to the game shortly. I really donít want to go, but obviously itís a must. I feel like reading a book and drinking a glass of wine.
Still never heard from M. Never expected to and glad I didnít.
If I were to see him tomorrow he is not a guy I would be interested in at all. I guess I just have a hard time with lost investments.
I busted my butt today and carried 800lbs of topsoil! I still need more. I tried to patch up concrete . It came out so/so. Brought D12 for a dress for the fall fling dance, her first school dance. Which I will miss because I will be Iím FL for the wedding. I am so sad about that. But her dress is very pretty.
Go ahead and smack me, but I am chatting with a guy from OLD. 44, very attractive, 3 kids, lives in same town as M, in an exclusive lake community which is only a few minutes away from me. ( found all this out via some detective work) Straight guy, but creative director at LancŰme . Makes pretty good money. He also likes to shop for clothes. Heís a unicorn! I kind of called him out last night because At the rate of a one message every other day, it was going nowhere fast. He apologized and said he was still really interested in getting to know me and that I really captured his attention . So heís been texting often today. Very involved dad. My D falls right in the middle of his kids ages. He told me how he took the time after his divorce to become comfortable alone and love his life. Thatís a plus. Who knows where this will go. Probably no where because he hasnít even set up a date and we are on opposite kid weekends. We do have a lot more in common than M and I did. Enjoy lots of the same things. We shall see. I actually deleted my OLD profile ( before he decided to pick it up, because I was kind of fed up and just disenchanted) maybe something will come of it, maybe not.
D12 told me she was having one of her conversations with herself today and she told herself that even though I am a single mom, I do all the dad stuff too and nothing stops me. Iím glad she is noticing. I hope to be a good role model for her so she knows she can achieve anything she wants without a man.
She came out of her room tonight hysterically crying and she rRely cries like that. Sheís really upset about me leaving for a eeek for the wedding. Missing the dance for one, and itís a disruption to her routine and she says she just needs me there. Being here is her routine. Me making sure the ship is running is her routine. She always likes to know what to expect and itís un certain to her. Even when she is at her dads for a weekend, she comes home and dayas how much she missed her me and her home. I felt really bad. I eventually got her to calm down. Once a year I am gone for a week without her. Sheís ok if sheís on vacation with her dad, it not doing her every day routine without me. All will be well in the end Iím sure. But I cried too
I will hold off on the OLD guy - for now - but your D... that needs a comment. It's I guess great that you feel bad and worry for her but this is life G and you get one too! She will survive - in fact I think in some ways this is good for her. She's nearly a teen now - or is she a teen - why do I think she goes from D13 to D12 to D13 back to D12 again? Might be my brain injury again LOL. Anyhow, you need to have a life Ginger and being gone for a week is not at all unreasonable now and then. If you were gone 10 or 12 times a year for a week, that's a different story but two or three times even is not that big of a deal - certainly not once. I think this helps her to build charterer. Sure it tugs at your heart strings and certainly should make you feel good how much she admires and loves you but please don't stop having a life or make decisions based on what she wants. I know some others IRL who capitulate to this and it's not healthy - for anyone involved. She needs to see you go away and you come back and she does just fine and survives just fine. It builds charterer for her and is a part of growing up. She needs to learn to rely on others as well - not just you. She needs to hold others in her life accountable - like she seems to try to hold you. She needs to ask her dad to step up like she asks her mom. Grandparents, her BFF's mother. This is part of life building and teaching for a well rounded soon-to-be young adult.
I guess my biggest point is this is not at all bad - clearly what you are doing is not at all bad. Support her, reassure her but let her know she will be just fine and will do just fine and you will likely be gone again sometime before too long and that is part of life - a life you get to live as well!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
She just turned 12 and can be a little OCD at times. She isnít quite a teenager yet. But she will be fine, I go away one week a year without her, she throws a fit, and does she gets through it every time . I spoke to the ex about it and he understood. He is going to give his mom money to take D 13 to get her hair done for her dance. But Iíve always lived my life, took my vacations and gotten my me time even when she gets upset. Mommaís got a life and gets her mom time.
Me and the new guy have made our first date for oct 12th. 2 weeks away due to custody schedules and kid sporting events. Iím really looking forward to it. Getting to know him in the meantime. He said heís a real family man and women have told him ďheís too much of a dadĒ Heís an artist and managed to make a lucrative career out of it. Likes sports NYC, taught a class where divorced dads learn to braid their daughters hair. So far, a real class act. And did I mention he is super attractive? And he seems to think the same of me. I would simply be a fool to not go on a date with this guy. Itís probably good heís a really busy guy, things can move slow if they move anywhere at all. Itís been fun talking to him though.