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Re: Divorce budget [Re: CWarrior] #2865987
09/21/19 12:55 AM
09/21/19 12:55 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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I think she went more "dark" than many here. I checked my e-mails.. I BD'd her in Jan---got 2 e-mails in Feb, 1 in Mar, 2 in Apr.. the silence continued until Sep. That's when she began sending 1-2 messages per week. I never read any. Based on the titles she apologized, entered therapy, wondered why I wouldn't even talk to her. I'm aghast. My heart must have been really hardened at that point.


You were the one that said if she changed there was a slim chance. I have too much dignity to email WAH. I'd rather sit here all alone than email him.

I was reading Sandi's rules and laughed at the stay out bars one. I met a guy after WAH left. Online but he was going to visit in Sept. It ended and deleted/blocked everything. Right now if I had a way to contact him I'd be tempted. My kids are out and it's just me.

Last edited by kas99; 09/21/19 01:03 AM.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: kas99] #2865989
09/21/19 01:15 AM
09/21/19 01:15 AM
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Originally Posted by "Kas99"
Seems cruel to the LBS. I guess that's why so many times the LBS has to file. They get sick of being some sort of Plan B.

Like I said, I'm aghast I didn't finish it sooner to give her closure. Maybe it's the "F" in my personality type, but when I was DONE, I stopped thinking about her as a person. My son's leaving for a one week trip next week. I have custody both before he leaves and after he returns, but she just picked him up. I decided to show her what I packed and let her add an item or two. It's time to treat my ex-wife like a human being instead of an alien, especially if I maybe acted like an alien after the divorce.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/21/19 01:16 AM.

My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: CWarrior] #2865990
09/21/19 01:31 AM
09/21/19 01:31 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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Like I said, I'm aghast I didn't finish it sooner to give her closure. Maybe it's the "F" in my personality type, but when I was DONE, I stopped thinking about her as a person.


D17 who has disowned WAH has an "F" in her personality type (assuming this is what you're talking about). She's an INFJ and that type is known for door slamming. WAH thinks she will come back but like you when she's done she's done. She will see him and be civil but that's it.

Re: Divorce budget [Re: kas99] #2866000
09/21/19 02:28 AM
09/21/19 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by "Kas99"
Right now if I had a way to contact him I'd be tempted. My kids are out and it's just me.

I have too much dignity to email WAH. I'd rather sit here all alone than email him.

You do have some dignity in you! And I still believe she had chances. If you were closer, I'd invite you for a jog. I hope you find a way to spend your evening that helps you move on from your past, builds towards your future, or is just plain fun. I'm tempted to read those e-mails, but it wouldn't do any of those.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/21/19 02:28 AM.

My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: CWarrior] #2866001
09/21/19 03:09 AM
09/21/19 03:09 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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You do have some dignity in you! And I still believe she had chances. If you were closer, I'd invite you for a jog. I hope you find a way to spend your evening that helps you move on from your past, builds towards your future, or is just plain fun. I'm tempted to read those e-mails, but it wouldn't do any of those.


I'm watching cartoons (they don't make me sad), texting a friend and chatting with you. Yes I'm multitasking. lol

I think my evenings will get easier once I move.

I wish I could go for a jog. sigh. I wouldn't read those emails but I'm funny about that.

Last edited by kas99; 09/21/19 03:15 AM.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: CWarrior] #2866002
09/21/19 03:28 AM
09/21/19 03:28 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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You do have some dignity in you!


Somewhere along the way I lost my dignity. I chased, begged, and pleaded for WAH (before he left) to love me. I was so codependent. I look back on that person and I cringe. I think now no wonder WAH lost interest in me. I became this sad, pathetic person.

Once upon a time I was stronger than this. It's who WAH fell in love with. I used to be fierce and then over the years I lost it. It's coming back slowly but surely. I'm doing things now that even shock me, that shock my kids. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I told them I rented a house. I don't rent houses. lol

Back in the day I was top in my field, sought after, traveled, the whole nine. Used to work on my own car. I'd attempt anything because I was fearless. Now I'm afraid to rent a house. Really?? If people at work hadn't talked me into it I'd be moving into an apartment.

Last edited by kas99; 09/21/19 03:32 AM.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: kas99] #2866027
09/21/19 04:38 PM
09/21/19 04:38 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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WAH still hasn’t found a place to live. I feel guilty about the money. I knew it was going to go down like this but still.

Re: Divorce budget [Re: kas99] #2866030
09/21/19 05:09 PM
09/21/19 05:09 PM
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The feeling guilty probably means you're NOT a door-slammer, and still care and want the best for him? He made this bed and, per what we've heard, has only shown interest in laying in it.


My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Re: Divorce budget [Re: CWarrior] #2866042
09/21/19 07:14 PM
09/21/19 07:14 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
The feeling guilty probably means you're NOT a door-slammer, and still care and want the best for him? He made this bed and, per what we've heard, has only shown interest in laying in it.


I feel guilty getting my attorney involved (he doesn’t know yet).

Re: Divorce budget [Re: kas99] #2866053
09/21/19 09:15 PM
09/21/19 09:15 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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As long as I was still in the house with both our names on it I didn't need an attorney but I did hire one just in case. He's been paying all the bills and giving me child support. It's easy for him to say "I'll take care of you" because he knows what his plans are. I don't. We no longer speak so I'm supposed to go on blind faith that the checks will keep coming? He will support his kids but would dump me on the side of the road if he could.

I almost didn't get this house because I don't make enough money and had no court order. I want a separation agreement now. My biggest fear is that it will push him to file but it's just a piece of paper. Our marriage is over.

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