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Re: A parallel universe [Re: IHCLACS] #2865649
09/18/19 02:20 AM
09/18/19 02:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
D
DS9 Offline OP
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DS9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
Hi all,

Baby steps in detachment and distancing continue.

Email from XW yesterday after I told her to get her own phone plan and gave her account number last week for porting her number. She asks if I'd like to continue paying for her phone. I politely declined and asked her to get her own plan, and to ensure any of her personal expenses from my CC were transferred to her own account. I now end my email with 'Regards, D'. She sms's with an apology about an expense of hers that came out that she thought she stopped - I ignored it.

Later, I picked up S and waited for him whilst seated outside on the porch. Normally I'd stand at the door. XW saw me from the backyard and came to the porch. I was in my usual professional business finery, which I've completely overhauled since BD, and I'm feeling really good about my beefier physique too. Pre BD, XW would randomly tell me she doesn't like skinny men, or skinny legs - I was a skinny man, but not anymore. I made sure to stand up when speaking (as I would with any lady) and I'm sure she noticed my quite different upper body. Pre BD, she would have been all over me.

XW asked if the door was open and told her I didn't try it, then chit chat from her. She asks if I wanted to take some food back, which I politely declined. She told S and me that S needs to start learning to cook and I said that was a great idea, and we're implementing that in my house too. She then asked if I wanted to come in and see the renos as we were leaving. I made a lighthearted jump to peek through the window which was too high for me to see through anyway, telling my S its time to go, and she's doing a fantastic job with transforming the house. As we're leaving, XW tells S loudly his birthday present should be arriving soon.

SMS from XW last night advising she intends to go o/s again with girlfriend and wishing me goodnight, which I didnt reply to. Further sms this morning asking about phone account number, then again 20 minutes later saying she found it, both of which I didnt reply to.

These are all really small steps relative to some of you guys, but I'm proud of myself and wanted to share!

Originally Posted by IHCLACS
[

W was chasing all kinds of astrology reports for months and months and months on love, relationships, life, and finances. you hit the nail on the head when you said it feels like they were living their life according to some movie script.


Yes mate it was awful finding that report. Thing is, we're pretty open minded to that type of thing. XW used to be big on psychics during the M. When we met, she was all into calculating our compatibility based on birthdays and other random numbers. What's weird to me is how, for all her posturing about being her own individual person who doesn't listen to anyone or care about what anyone thinks, she goes and does all this astrology and psychic stuff, and seems to rely on it.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865656
09/18/19 08:38 AM
09/18/19 08:38 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 366
United Kingdom
D
DaB35 Online
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DaB35  Online
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 366
United Kingdom
This sounds great DS. You presented yourself in a great light. Well done - some textbook DB going on there.

It's very hard to not respond to texts, but it has to be done. Don't worry about feeling as though they're small steps. It all adds up exponentially even over a short space of time.

My W is exactly the same with the "I'm individual and don't care what others think about me," yet she is a massive worrier and does Tarot cards regularly.

Last edited by Dan35; 09/18/19 08:38 AM.

Me - 36
W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr (met 30 October 2010)
M - 3 yr (3 August 2016)
Discovery - 14 May 2019
Sep - 25 May 2019
D bomb - 29 July 2019
Online Papers sent off 18 August 2019
Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865659
09/18/19 09:59 AM
09/18/19 09:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
D
DS9 Offline OP
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DS9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
Hey Dan thanks for the vote of confidence mate. Itís a real boost for me. Saw XW again when picking up my son. Big smiles and upbeat vibe from me and caught her looking at my biceps a few times which I ignored. Make sure you stick with your gym routine and youíll see results!

With sms etc Iím actually finding it easy to not respond. In fact I donít want to. I also donít want to get texts or calls from my XW. I want her to leave me alone. If we didnít have a son Iíd have been gone.

Ah yes tarot. I think this demonstrates a great sense of uncertainty with the people who need it. Check your birthdays as a numerology search and see what comes up for 2019. Itís London to a brick thereíll be something there thatíll mirror what sheís doing. I saw a spiritual healer early in my sitch and he said heís seen quite a few divorces from wives based on a numerology report. Did your w go and buy chrystals too?


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865662
09/18/19 10:15 AM
09/18/19 10:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 366
United Kingdom
D
DaB35 Online
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DaB35  Online
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D
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 366
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No she hasn't bought crystals (yet!). I just checked numerology. My 'Life Path Number' is 1 and my 'Sun Number' is 4. The descriptions of both of these traits are COMPLETELY inaccurate for me. So there we go!

Yes she certainly tends to go with what's on the Tarots.

My advantage with the gym is that it's several weeks til I see my W each time now, so I think she will definitely notice any physical changes!


Me - 36
W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr (met 30 October 2010)
M - 3 yr (3 August 2016)
Discovery - 14 May 2019
Sep - 25 May 2019
D bomb - 29 July 2019
Online Papers sent off 18 August 2019
Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865663
09/18/19 10:20 AM
09/18/19 10:20 AM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 773
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IHCLACS Offline
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I'm not going to self impose my beliefs on everyone else's here... Butttt... Ok maybe it's fun to try and predict the future and your life with astrology and other mediums every once in a while just to see compatibility and certain character traits to birth order. I do it every once in a while just to see if the character traits ring true. I don't give much weight to it though. But these things are of the supernatural world, and against God's word IMO. The other thing that I find amusing about these things especially with our sich's is these people have absolutely no problem stepping into an uncertain future, but then seek reassurance of how their life is going to turn out from a medium. They are looking to find themselves but are seeking validation of their life outcomes, rather then accepting their own personal choices and consequences. But yeah. Too many people, good, but desperate people follow too many outside influences, too many outside narratives, and too many "movie scripts" to determine their life course, all the while proclaiming individuality and independence.

Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865669
09/18/19 12:12 PM
09/18/19 12:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,475
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AnotherStander Online
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DS9, that all sounds great, you're getting the hang of DB'ing for sure! Not responding to her trivial texts, dressing nice when around her, but not FOR her, waiting outside for S, your improved appearance. It's all sending her a message that you're high value and not waiting around for her and not playing her games. Plus it's great for your self-esteem. Good work!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: A parallel universe [Re: AnotherStander] #2865746
09/18/19 11:52 PM
09/18/19 11:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
D
DS9 Offline OP
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DS9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
The other thing that I find amusing about these things especially with our sich's is these people have absolutely no problem stepping into an uncertain future, but then seek reassurance of how their life is going to turn out from a medium. They are looking to find themselves but are seeking validation of their life outcomes, rather then accepting their own personal choices and consequences. But yeah. Too many people, good, but desperate people follow too many outside influences, too many outside narratives, and too many "movie scripts" to determine their life course, all the while proclaiming individuality and independence.


Really well said mate. Couldn't have put it better myself. I read your sitch and cant believe your W and her soap star fantasy. That must have been disturbing. In your case, did your W start the fantasies/psychics/astrology things before she left, or after BD?



Originally Posted by Dan35
No she hasn't bought crystals (yet!). I just checked numerology. My 'Life Path Number' is 1 and my 'Sun Number' is 4. The descriptions of both of these traits are COMPLETELY inaccurate for me. So there we go!

Yes she certainly tends to go with what's on the Tarots.



They may be inaccurate, but these people follow them nonetheless. What I meant was, do an online astrology/nuerology check for her, with birthday, time and birthplace. It may give you insight as to what she intends to do. Actually maybe better not as it may be upsetting. I had to put my XW's down after a few pages as it was disturbing and actually wish I hadnt read it, even though I think she purposely left it where I'd see it.

The lesson here is if you enter a new relationship, run away if she starts talking about birthnumbers, astrology, chrystals, tarot and horoscopes.

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
DS9, that all sounds great, you're getting the hang of DB'ing for sure! Not responding to her trivial texts, dressing nice when around her, but not FOR her, waiting outside for S, your improved appearance. It's all sending her a message that you're high value and not waiting around for her and not playing her games. Plus it's great for your self-esteem. Good work!


Thanks AS really appreciate the vote of confidence and sticking with me mate! I'm maintaining being distant and aloof, but cordial and polite, reasonable, cooperative and dignified.

One issue that pops up is XW has referred to me in relation to my son as 'your father' or 'your dad', which I find bemusing, but petty. I continue to refer to XW to my son as 'mum' or 'mummy'. I think he'll remember that.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865774
09/19/19 11:03 AM
09/19/19 11:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 773
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IHCLACS Offline
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Wow DS9!! I just got caught up on your entire sich. That is a lot of drama! I could cherry pick all the instances a lot of us here have experienced, seen, heard, and witnessed. I had so many thoughts reviewing your sich between what is experienced on their end, and what improvements and realizations are on our end. Its a lit to inventory, unless you chunk it down and improve on them daily/weekly. There are so many dynamics to two people at play. A part of me is sometimes like?... Are relationships even worth it anymore with the lack of commitment in the world, and the desire for instant gratification and pleasures? It makes me think sometimes that there is so much relativity to them, that some people won't change, and some will change on a dime from who we knew and expected them as, add in childhood traumas, poor coping skills, emotional volatility, mlc, some passive aggressiveness, different personality compatibility conflicts, ngs, and we wonder why we are here, they are there, and how we can do better and learn from our mistakes, and not repeat them. Clearly one size does not fit all. But the scripts and the fog seem to play out the same way. More to follow.

Re: A parallel universe [Re: DS9] #2865775
09/19/19 11:12 AM
09/19/19 11:12 AM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 299
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Tryhard Offline
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And that is how it is done folks . Well done DS9 , keep it up , you can do it

Re: A parallel universe [Re: Tryhard] #2865861
09/20/19 01:16 AM
09/20/19 01:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
D
DS9 Offline OP
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DS9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 278
Hi all,

Saw XW again yesterday. I see her about 4-5 times a fortnight. Reason is that she gets my son from school during my week because she doesn't work weekdays. I pick S up after I finish work.

Babysteps continue.

I wait on the porch, dressed in even finer finery today, and she comes out and initiates conversation 'oh, I thought you were X (her girlfriend) - I'm going out for dinner with her. I went for dinner with Y yesterday, and I'm going for dinner tomorrow night with Z'. Me - no, it's me, great, have fun.

She sits, then a little awkwardly and girlishly asks - 'Sooo, how you been? - Good. Really good actually (with a huge smile on my face). The old me would have rattled off a few things I'd been doing.

XW - it's getting hot soon and we'll be sweating in here. We might have to come to your place for your airconditioning! Me - oh no! Said that humourously with a bit of a laugh added in. She then said she'd buy her own AC. The old me would have said come over anytime.

XW - I'm so over cleaning the house and the mess SD and SS make, whilst finger jabbing the air in the direction of where they were inside the house. Me - You sound tired and frustrated. The old me would have engaged further with how often I clean my house and what I do, but I pulled that up before it left my mouth.

XW - I've told you how I quit FT position at work haven't I (yes, you have). Well, I'm speaking with XYZ about blah blah blah blah. Me - good luck with that!

It was time for me to bail, so I got S primed, bounded down the stairs with him, and gave XW a big airwave with my back turned as she said bye again, then we flicked the gate open and hit the road for my place. Application of DB principle to end before she ends applied, plus practising the maxim of "you'll never be more attractive than when she sees your back as your walking away" (or something like that).

Originally Posted by IHCLACS
Wow DS9!! I just got caught up on your entire sich. More to follow.


Thanks buddy, I look forward to hearing more from you. I find your posts very insightful and reflective, and they give me much food for thought.


Originally Posted by Tryhard
And that is how it is done folks . Well done DS9 , keep it up , you can do it


Thanks Tryhard!


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
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