Hi Kas. There are too many "he"s in your posts. Just get out of there. Don´t give him that power. Expect nothing, wait for nothing. Power is yours, girl. Trust yourself. You are doing good. Shine for your kids, be the lighthouse.
Stay strong. Keep the GAL and keep DB.
Power is yours! Respect!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
My mom and I were close until I turned 13. At that point my father started grooming me. We ended up having an EA. He used her for sex and me for everything else. My mom resented me for this, I defended him and she had no say in parenting. My father treated me like an adult so I got to do whatever I wanted. In hindsight she tried to parent me but he veto'd her every time. As an adult I tried to have a relationship with her but I had no boundaries and I allowed her to walk all over me.
I think if I tried to reconcile with her I'd start with a letter. Get a PO box so she doesn't know where I live and it gives me the opportunity to test the waters without having to see her face to face. I could stop communicating with her at any time.
Yes I will be living 4 houses away but it's a different street (still very very close) and she doesn't know what I look like. I've passed her in the store 3-4 times and she walked right by me.
Hi Kas. There are too many "he"s in your posts. Just get out of there. Don´t give him that power. Expect nothing, wait for nothing. Power is yours, girl. Trust yourself. You are doing good. Shine for your kids, be the lighthouse.
Stay strong. Keep the GAL and keep DB.
Power is yours! Respect!
I’m bent towards negative thinking (trying to fix this). S19 called me out on this last night. I asked him what is the difference between reality and being negative. He said one is factual the other isn’t.
Part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to celebrate. I think I’m losing my mind. I’m floundering and thriving. What is wrong with me? Does this even make sense? Part of me thinks this will be a grand adventure and part of me wants to die. Is codependency leaving me? Am I healing or delusional?
I don’t want to be positive I want to resist it. I don’t know why. Being positive is like burning my security blanket. Negativity comforts me it’s a drug it’s unnecessary drama I’m afraid to trust. I’m fighting back tears writing this.
I move in 3 weeks. WAH is being very agreeable because he thinks he’s only going to have to pay me child support. Part of me is tempted to let him live in fantasy land until I move. If I cut expenses back to bare minimum I could make it work. By agreeable I mean him saying I could have anything I want and he’d help me move.
Kas… how sad that your mom doesn't recognize you. Or does she recognize you but is just acting as if she doesn't because she doesn't know what to say? Either way... I am sad for you. Parents do the worst things to their kids at times, don't they? Makes me angry sometimes. I've been working as a mental health social worker for 21 years and you would think that nothing would surprise me anymore but sadly, that's not the case. I hope things work out for you.
Just saw your other post... I think the feelings you are having are completely normal. I went though the same thing. Devastated and scared on one hand but then, on the other, excited for what might be possible that I hadn't considered before. Part of the, I think, was coming to terms with the fact that I was also unhappy in my marriage and recognizing that my H had been neglecting me and gaslighting me for years and coming to the realization that I deserved much, much better. Still... there is always the fear that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know which is why the roller coaster, I think. It is just fear and loss and grief and all of those things. This is NOT an easy process but it is a necessary one. It does get better Kas. Those excited moments will eventually start to outnumber the fearful and sad moments and they will start to last longer. Promise yourself that from now on, you are going to try to live your very best life possible...for you and your kids. They, and you, deserve nothing less. (((HUGS)))
WAH is being very agreeable because he thinks he’s only going to have to pay me child support. Part of me is tempted to let him live in fantasy land until I move.
I’d avoid such talk and let your L handle notifications and negotiations as they feel it’s appropriate.
I’d avoid such talk and let your L handle notifications and negotiations as they feel it’s appropriate.
I'm sitting here sobbing. I plugged his number into my budget and I come up short. I move in 3 weeks. He's offering child support only which is 20% of his income. He's got a shark for an attorney and I feel so defeated.
So sorry you are panicking. Have you consulted with a lawyer to see what your rights are? It shouldn’t really matter if he has a shark for a lawyer because state law trumps everything and there are usually child support calculators that determine all this stuff.
Hi Kas, it sounds really scary not knowing what the future will bring. As Thornton says—your attorney should be able to inform you about of your court’s guidelines for alimony and child support. That’s normally more or less what you get regardless of whether his attorney is sweet, mean, generous, or a shark unless you both agree otherwise.
