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A Message from Michele
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My Story #2 #2865252
09/13/19 04:03 PM
09/13/19 04:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Posts: 283
Link to old thread:

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2859876#Post2859876

I will try to stand up for myself and demand respect. I know I need to voice that I do not want to talk about the affair and that I am done with our relationship until the affair has ended. She will have to continue to sleep in another room.

Last night it blew up when I mentioned I knew that she called him again on Sunday and coming home on Tuesday from our sons banquet. I told her this has to stop and that I do not agree with her actions. She blew up and was pIssed that I had checked our phone bill. She immediatley said she wanted a divorce and didn't want to be married. I told her to file for Divorce and send papers to my lawyer.

She has spent all morning texting me and trying to call. Has apologized for last night and doesn't want to leave the house.

She is currently sleeping in another room however I have asked her to move out. She has nowhere to go and refuses to leave the house. I'm afraid the best way to heal is to have her out of the home.


Last edited by job; 09/13/19 09:51 PM. Reason: edited a language
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865256
09/13/19 05:43 PM
09/13/19 05:43 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
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joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,090
San Antonio, Texas
BB,

Stop telling her what to do. You can't force another person to do anything. But what you can do is state what you won't tolerate. Start stating your boundaries.

Example: I know you were talking to him on Sunday and Tuesday, I will not live in an open marriage.
Example: I know you were talking to him on Sunday and Tuesday, I won't be disrespected in this M.
Example: I know you were talking to him on Sunday and Tuesday, I don't agree with your actions. I won't share my wife with OM.

If you know of consequences, you can follow your boundaries with them. Butt, IMO, one of the hardest portions of DB, is holding the WW spouses the the consequences presented. So don't state any consequences until you are ready to hold her feet to the fire.

Example: I know you were talking to him on Sunday and Tuesday, I will not live in an open marriage. And if you continue talking to him, I will file for D. ( The next time you catch her talking to him, you have to file for D or your consequence, become a moot statement)

You have a right to check the phone bill, she can get mad all she wants.

Let's look at that scenario logically: Is there anything wrong with looking at a phone bill: NO
So if a person is getting mad because a phone bill is being looked at, they have the problem. Don't let her make you feel guilty.

Great job on telling her to file for D.

Stay calm, as calm as you can in this storm, it will pass.


M:36 W:36
T:11 M:10
S16, S12, S9, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865290
09/13/19 09:50 PM
09/13/19 09:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
S
SoTorn Offline
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SoTorn  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by bballer1
Link to old thread:

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2859876#Post2859876

I will try to stand up for myself and demand respect. I know I need to voice that I do not want to talk about the affair and that I am done with our relationship until the affair has ended. She will have to continue to sleep in another room.

Last night it blew up when I mentioned I knew that she called him again on Sunday and coming home on Tuesday from our sons banquet. I told her this has to stop and that I do not agree with her actions. She blew up and was pIssed that I had checked our phone bill. She immediatley said she wanted a divorce and didn't want to be married. I told her to file for Divorce and send papers to my lawyer.

She has spent all morning texting me and trying to call. Has apologized for last night and doesn't want to leave the house.

She is currently sleeping in another room however I have asked her to move out. She has nowhere to go and refuses to leave the house. I'm afraid the best way to heal is to have her out of the home.



They turn it around like youre the bad guy. My EXWW was livid that I hired a PI. She said "I cant be married to a man I dont trust who has me followed ".

Really exww? Im not trustworthy because I caught you banging your boss?!? Bye then.

Last edited by job; 09/13/19 09:52 PM. Reason: edited language

M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865470
09/16/19 01:16 PM
09/16/19 01:16 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Posts: 283
Weekend went pretty well. Her brother got married so we attended the wedding with our family. Everyone was in the wedding. Kind of hard to detach during this time.

She is catching heat at work and the big boss came to see her on Friday. She is worried to death about losing her job and everyone knowing about the situation. Itís crazy how they try to control everything but Iím the end it is inevitable that everyone will know. We live in a small town and everyone already knows. She is kidding herself to think she can control this from getting out.

The pain she is feeling now finally has her thinking more rationally. She stated she will have to get another job outside the county, well duh... She has asked me to seek couples therapy which I replied, Iím not sure the time is right for that and I was still processing all this information. She had came back to the master bedroom even though Iíve told her she needs to sleep in the other room.

She continues to get angry and place blame for me telling the OMís wife. The OMís wife has tried to contact her and finally this morning she responded back to one of her text.

As this progresses she will probably continue to blame me since I let his wife know.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865483
09/16/19 03:19 PM
09/16/19 03:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,070
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neffer Offline
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neffer  Offline
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Posts: 2,070
Donīt expect anything. Common sence will come in patches. Wayward fog rules the general behaviour. AP addiction takes its toll.

Expect nothing. Get your respect back. Detach, GAL, DB!


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865493
09/16/19 04:52 PM
09/16/19 04:52 PM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Posts: 283
Its really hard to just stop thinking about it. I know there is a lot more heartache coming in the future. She has been remorseful at times and then switches back to angry at times.

Time will tell how she is handling it and if she continues to keep secrets from me. I was going to discuss boundaries with her tonight. she has already agreed to disclose phone passwords and all of her secretive behaviors have stopped.

I am not naive enough to know that it won't relapse and begin again. Just don't know if I can wait this out with her continuing to work with her boss. They may end up moving him or moving her before Christmas or they may do like most school systems and sweep it under the rug. Being in a small school district however, everyone knows what is going on.

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865495
09/16/19 05:33 PM
09/16/19 05:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,070
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neffer Offline
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neffer  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,070
Do you need to discuss boundaries? Let her go. Let you go.

Respect. Stick to DB!


WW H(me): 49
W: 45
T: 25 M: 20
S: 15
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865496
09/16/19 06:07 PM
09/16/19 06:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
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Tryhard Offline
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Tryhard  Offline
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Neffer is right . The boundaries are for YOU . Ie I will Not stay as second choice , I will not be cheated on etc

Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865539
09/17/19 01:17 AM
09/17/19 01:17 AM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 309
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Jac12 Offline
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Jac12  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 309
I also agree with Neffer and Tryhard.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Re: My Story #2 [Re: phnix] #2865548
09/17/19 03:04 AM
09/17/19 03:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 283
Wow! What a day for her. The big boss told them to stay away from each other unless they have a meeting. The OMís wife called her and she said some really nasty things to upset her. She also stated she had a lawyer and the evidence would cost them their jobs and possibly their careers.

Iíd really hate this for my wife and our family. Maybe it was a mistake to tell the OMís wife. My wife was angry and continues to blame me. I tried to get her to leave our bed but she refused. I need her out and it will help me somewhat with moving forward.

Someone said earlier that exposure is like fireworks and it seems to be the case. Just craziness around here right now.

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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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