Yes please see a L-if you have not Many will do a free consultation
If you have a friend who saw a good L get a referral/number It definitely will help you with the issues of shared custody if he does leave
The MLCer seems to think they will get to call the shots and also get to keep things like the property and their salary Many a mlcer does not realize they will need to follow a legal agreement
Don't sign anything or agree to anything until you get proper counsel Please don't skip this step
If he pressures you --or If he asks for an answer, just say you need a little time to digest it all and will get back to him
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks for your help. This is where my emotions run high. I can cope with the comments regarding me “everything you do annoys me (I was brushing my hair) After being possibly a little argumentative initially I realised and said that I think it’s best discussed once he has moved out and the children aren’t in earshot.
He does all of a sudden keep saying he is taking the computer, the car etc etc which I don’t even respond to and as for finances one day he says he won’t leave me short and the next that he will not pay a penny more than he legally has to! Also one minute it’s a nasty comment, the next “I care for you so much still (tears in eyes)” so it is a rollercoaster isn’t it. Hopefully one day I’ll get off!
He tried the feelings trap again too but I dodged for another day. “Why aren’t you fighting for this Relationship if I meant so much to you you would do” etc
Also the ow husband has messaged me to say she is on the verge of moving out with her children (2&6) which I’m trying to not think about either.
I will seek advice regarding the kids. Funnily enough he threatened to take legal action against me for the kids when I wouldn’t agree to his plans. Another tantrum.
He seems to think he is control of everything. And thanks DnJ I have planned a day out the day he moves out!
So, as the day of moving out is getting nearer, he is increasingly saying the same things and getting angry regarding me not telling him how I feel. If I try and walk away and say we will discuss later when things are calm he is following me around the house.
Also, he has said he will tell the kids that he is moving out because our relationship doesn’t work together which I disagree with and want them to know how I feel about dad.
Any suggestions appreciated as to what may be the best thing to say to them.
I’m so tempted to tell him that I know that the ow has moved out from her H and that I’m not stupid. He thinks he can tell me he is moving into his friends but it’s obvious what he’s planning!
You need to make an appointment w/a lawyer. All assets should be split down the middle and nothing should be removed unless both parties agree to it. What I think he's doing is posturing. He's got some fear going on and he's attempting to mask that fear by "macho posturing" He's like a teenager threatening to run away from home, but he's hoping that you'll beg and plead for him to stay. When he doesn't get that reaction from him, then that bully tactic comes out about what he's taking, etc. Kirsty, he wants so badly for you to fight w/him and give him justification to leave. Don't give him that satisfaction. If he truly wants to leave, he needs to do it under his own steam. If you give him that satisfaction, then he can say that you told him to leave and that makes his situation look better.
As for telling him about the OW, I think I would keep mum on that for a while longer. You do not want him to know that you are on to him just yet. Give him enough rope to hang himself. The more knowledge you have, the better when it comes to dealing w/him through a lawyer.
Continue to walk away if he's acting out. If you have to, change the subject and talk about the weather or something on TV, but don't take his bait. This man is truly itching for a fight.
Hang in there. Come here to vent.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1) See a lawyer. You need an order for child support asap when he moves out.
2) Is it only his name on the car registration? If it is, and you're not married, I imagine you have no rights. But if it's registered in both of your names, talk to the lawyer about it.
3) Same for anything else that was bought out of joint funds.
4) When he asks why you're not fighting for him, remind him that HE is the one having the affair, HE should be the one fighting to win YOU back, and he should be willing to go to couples counseling if he's sincere.
Odds are living with the OW and her kids will get old real soon. Other people's kids are not usually as entertaining as your own, and OW will be clingy since she left her marriage for him and HAS to justify it by having him live up to her expectations (which he won't. ) Your job is to secure your financial future, GAL and show your kids that you all will be just fine and continue to have fun with your kids. You can decide later if he's even worth having if he tries to come back with his sorry-a$$ excuses.
He has always thrown things when he gets angry or calls me names/ hurtful things. Says nasty things about me to the kids etc. Even snatching things out of my hands. He threw the plate on the floor, then when I calmly told him it wasn't acceptable he picked it up again and threw it harder until it smashed. That's when I told him to go and sort himself out.
This stuff is NOT OKAY!!!!! He's abusive and you'll likely be better off without him. Let him be OW's problem.
So I absolutely blew up in anger. Couldn’t help it. He’s been going to her new house after work and leaving me and our children to walk miles in the rain. This is what tipped me over the edge.
The car is in my name and I have told him I will be using it from now on as I have 3 children to sort and because he was using it to go to her house.
I know I shouldn’t have gotten so angry as this is what he wanted, despite all my anger though I still didn’t tell him to leave.
He walks all over me and dictates how things are going to be etc so I’ve decided that enough is enough with that and stuck up for myself. I mentioned the counselling again kml, and the plate throwing etc is not ok.
What to do now in regards to him I’m not sure as he will use this as justification to go Probably. Apparently it is to a friends house not hers but who knows.
You should and need to get angry. Just find a better release for it than blowing up at him. Go for a run, get a punching bag, punch the stuffing out of a pillow, something physical - sweat it out of you.
It’s perfectly normal to be angry. And that anger has to go somewhere.
With the car in your name, for sure use it. You’ve told him, stick to it, let him walk miles in the rain.
Enough is enough and you stood up for yourself - Well done! Stand tall girl. Now find an outlet for the anger (other than H) and keep standing tall.
Originally Posted by Kristy84
What to do now in regards to him I’m not sure as he will use this as justification to go probably.
He will find justification with anything or make it up. He may or may not go. You cannot control him. And don’t worry about blowing all that DBing, no single event will make or break the situation.
The question is: What to do now in regards to you.
Stand tall. Focus on you.
You go this.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
