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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864764
09/09/19 07:23 PM
09/09/19 07:23 PM
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neffer Offline
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A couple is a set of two...

Take the positive side of your sitch. If it helps for your detachment then read it that way.

Consistency, patience.

You can do that girl. My best wishes. Be strong there

(((Kas)))


WW H(me): 49
W: 44
T: 24 M: 19
S: 14
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864768
09/09/19 07:44 PM
09/09/19 07:44 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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I can look at this positively because so much has changed for the good since he left. Change that wouldn't have happened had he stayed.

However to survive the next couple of months I need the delusion of hope. I need to believe that years down the road if I continue to grow there is hope. I need to believe in miracles. I'm stupid I know.

I've read one piecing story here that sounds a lot like my sitch. He came back after 18 months away. I don't think his wife was quite as bad as me but it was pretty close. He saw she had changed but didn't trust it. And yep he hated her just like WAH hates me.

Last edited by kas99; 09/09/19 07:53 PM.
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864785
09/09/19 09:28 PM
09/09/19 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ďkas99Ē
I don't think his wife was quite as bad as me but it was pretty close. He saw she had changed but didn't trust it. And yep he hated her just like WAH hates me.

Anger dissipates with time. Have you ever crossed a line that you feel canít be uncrossed?

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/09/19 09:29 PM.

My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864787
09/09/19 09:42 PM
09/09/19 09:42 PM
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And itís ok to have hope. Hope fuels life. Itís hope and not expectations.

Keep DB kas!


WW H(me): 49
W: 44
T: 24 M: 19
S: 14
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: Moving soon [Re: CWarrior] #2864802
09/09/19 11:03 PM
09/09/19 11:03 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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Quote
Anger dissipates with time. Have you ever crossed a line that you feel canít be uncrossed?


No it can all be undone. I'm estranged from my mother (father passed away) and if she wrote one halfway decent letter I'd call her up.

You know I'm still grateful to hear your ex had a chance had she gotten her act together in a BIG way.

Re: Moving soon [Re: CWarrior] #2864805
09/09/19 11:24 PM
09/09/19 11:24 PM
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One more thing I don't have that many things to fix. The problems are big but the solution is small. I need to learn how to be alone and well that means being alone. I hate it because it's painful but there is no other way

Last edited by kas99; 09/09/19 11:26 PM.
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864808
09/09/19 11:45 PM
09/09/19 11:45 PM
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CWarrior OMG thank you.

I just realized that (and I need to write this down) that I can't just be alone I have to thrive alone. This is a problem that has haunted me for decades.

I hope I can keep this epiphany because to fix this I must learn to endure negative feelings and do things that aren't "fun". Unless you're mentally ill you probably won't understand this struggle.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864835
09/10/19 12:16 PM
09/10/19 12:16 PM
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The mornings are the hardest. It hits me that my husband left me. I replay all these angry texts I sent him. The argument we had the day he BD. The awful things I've done. I couldn't have stopped it though. Not without medication but now it's too late. I lost my family to mental illness. I think even if became a better person, the person he married, he has too much resentment, too much anxiety, too much anger to take me back. Besides he won't even know that I've changed since we have no reason to see each other. The only thing I have as witnesses are my kids and the part where I'm not dating. I've never been without a man for very long and he knows it.

He will date. His friends will make sure he does. He will find someone better than me or he'd rather die alone that try again with me.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864843
09/10/19 01:40 PM
09/10/19 01:40 PM
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I need hope desperately to get through this right now so bear with me.

WAH is an avoidant which means he doesn't bond well with people. Without me he's struggling to connect with our kids. Right now he's free. He can pour himself into work, spend time on hobbies, do all the things he couldn't do with me because I was controlling. Avoidant's have trouble being alone too because they have no outlet for emotions. I'm anxious I bond too quickly. Give me a few weeks and I can have a guy telling me he loves me. Avoidant's and anxious people are drawn to each other.

I pray that one day he will realize that I have changed (after I have of course). I pray that after some time his anger and resentment will have faded. I pray that the ongoing cost of divorce is not as appealing as it is currently.

According to the stages a WAS goes through it takes a year or so before the pain sets in which is about the same time the LBS moves on. A WAS can keep walking (obviously) or they can try again because it's easier.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2864845
09/10/19 01:46 PM
09/10/19 01:46 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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I hope people answer me today. If not I'll just go chat with other people here who are in the same boat

I went back and read a regular's story all the way back to 2012. The stories all start out the same btw. As I followed along I waited for the bad news. Divorce, it's over, DB didn't work, etc. Much to my surprise they reconciled. That story made me lose hope though because even though they were separated they still had contact. I do not have that.

How do you even remotely reconcile without some form of contact? And yet I need no contact to get better. Ugh.

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