The bible says: “You have heard that it was said [a]to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Mat:27-28
So should I confess this every time I find a woman attractive?
That's not what the passage means. The passage is talking about a man who is consumed with a woman- imagining her naked, having sex with her, obsessed with the idea of getting together with her, to the point that it is affecting his work and his relationships with his family. This is world's apart from seeing a woman and thinking "wow she's attractive!" I used to moderate a Christian forum and we got a lot of questions/statements like this and we spent time researching the original meanings of certain words used and the difference between those words and the King James translation. This is one of those instances where the English translation does not convey the true meaning of the original Hebrew.
This is why I believe EAs are grounds for Christian divorce. Not all agree with me on that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hey everyone, appreciate the perspectives. I guess the thing is that my W claims she wouldn't care as long as it isn't a PA. Not sure I trust that.
I am sure I wouldn't trust that. People say things to help support their own actions. My W said many untruths when I confronted her. It's all part of the lies we tell ourselves when we self justify. When our actions go against our own moral code.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Hey everyone, appreciate the perspectives. I guess the thing is that my W claims she wouldn't care as long as it isn't a PA. Not sure I trust that.
I am sure I wouldn't trust that. People say things to help support their own actions. My W said many untruths when I confronted her. It's all part of the lies we tell ourselves when we self justify. When our actions go against our own moral code.
I should point out that she did go on to say "I would be surprised by it". I think that is because she sees me as being of integrity and that image would be shattered.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The bible says: “You have heard that it was said [a]to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Mat:27-28
So should I confess this every time I find a woman attractive?
That's not what the passage means. The passage is talking about a man who is consumed with a woman- imagining her naked, having sex with her, obsessed with the idea of getting together with her, to the point that it is affecting his work and his relationships with his family. This is world's apart from seeing a woman and thinking "wow she's attractive!" I used to moderate a Christian forum and we got a lot of questions/statements like this and we spent time researching the original meanings of certain words used and the difference between those words and the King James translation. This is one of those instances where the English translation does not convey the true meaning of the original Hebrew.
Well, I've studied the bible in depth for through BSF for 11 years and blah blah blah.. Please don't pull that Bible high arch with me.
IMO, (this means "In my opinion") it is not just a verbal nuance to soften delivery. You are welcome to your own opinion. IMO, it means that we are all sinners and similar example are made regarding murder. We are all hypocrites. It is because of grace that we are forgiven and not good behavior. But listen this isn't a theology discussion. My biggest challenge with this forum. Is some here are more interested in proving their own point, instead of understanding that of another.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I’m not trying to prove any point except that was a very poor comparison. We are all sinners but when we want someone to practice what we haven’t been honest about in the past, it fixes nothing. In this instance, I think it would be highly productive to come clean given their circumstances.
Anyways, not up for a religious debate either, but I found it quite hilarious that my ex blatantly committed adultery with a BBY ON THE WAY, but his marriage to his affair partner was allowed in the Catholic Church because we weren’t married in the Catholic Church. So it was never recognized so he really never committed adultery.
I’m not trying to prove any point except that was a very poor comparison. We are all sinners but when we want someone to practice what we haven’t been honest about in the past, it fixes nothing. In this instance, I think it would be highly productive to come clean given their circumstances.
Anyways, not up for a religious debate either, but I found it quite hilarious that my ex blatantly committed adultery with a BBY ON THE WAY, but his marriage to his affair partner was allowed in the Catholic Church because we weren’t married in the Catholic Church. So it was never recognized so he really never committed adultery.
All I ask is that you do not lump all faiths into the shortcomings of a particular denomination. I agree, let's steer clear of further religious debates because that really isn't the point. Regardless of religious views, you feel I should come clean to her. I can't tell you that you are wrong because that may indeed be the right approach.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We can all discuss tactics and strategies till the sun burns out, but what's missing from this conversation is 'values'. What are your values Steve? What values do you believe build a strong relationship? For me, that is honesty, trust, transparency, kindness, accountability, and love.
Drive your actions from your values. I would put everything out in the open and then see if this marriage is worth saving. Yeah, that's scary, but that is the only way forward from my perspective.
What values do you believe build a strong relationship? For me, that is honesty, trust, transparency, kindness, accountability, and love.
and copious amounts of sex
Interesting aside. SO when I found out she was chatting with this guy, she mentioned that he was sex-starved, and that they bonded over that with my W saying she identified with his W. That he wanted more sex, they hadn't had sex in a month, and that my W couldn't remember the last time we had sex.
I pointed out that our sex life had been much more frequent, and the quality was way up. She said "Has it?" I was incredulous. I said, we've averaged at least once a month, if not more, including March of 2018 when we did it about 10 times in 2 weeks, and that she had initiated almost every time during that 2 week period. She had no recollection. It was crazy. Admittedly. her memory has never been that great, but I would think she'd at least acknowledge how much better our sex life has been. And while it diminished a bit over the summer due to house guests, we still had sex just a couple weeks before this discussion with her online friend.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
^^^^^^^^^^^