Hey JC - I hear your pain buddy. It gets lonely at home. Turn on the TV, play some music, just to get some sound going. Force yourself to get out. Go to a pub, order dinner, have a few drinks, then walk home. Spend a lot of time getting dressed up nice before you go and that will kill time too.
Set up a little corner with kids photos, artwork, crafts etc.
Hey, you could even buy an Xbox or PS4 and start playing online shooter games like I did!! I even got a heaset! I look like an idiot but who cares! Ive made some new friends too.
Good luck mate!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Told her I wasn't, because I'm not, haven't even talked to her. I don't know where some of this stuff comes from.
It sounds like an outcome that would make this easier.. for your ex-wife.
Originally Posted by "DS9"
Hey, you could even buy an Xbox or PS4 and start playing online shooter games like I did!! I even got a heaset! I look like an idiot but who cares! Ive made some new friends too.
Why not? While online games may not be the most mate-attractive activities, it can be fun, and it's okay to just have fun! Streaming a season on Netflix is also okay. Your GAL repertoire will hopefully also include some locally social and/or self-improvement activities, but it doesn't have to on day one.
She can't decide what she wants. Like I said last week she started to encourage me to date the OW who IO haven't spoke to in months and months.
Then last night I text her about some concert tickets we had bought. I have a group of friends going to a concert and in May we were invited, she was so excited about going and we bought tickets off of Stub Hub, of course now we are separated and clearly wont be going together. I asked her to send login info for Stub Hub as she said I could have the tickets. She then asked me if I was taking this OW. I just responded, really? Then asked for login information again. She then begged me I could take anyone, just don't take this OW.
She is dating someone, she spends every free minute with him, weekend getaways, and yet she wants a say in my private life?
I just didn't respond. My plan was to actually sell the other ticket because I have no desire to go with anyone else, and selling the ticket would pretty much cover the other cost of weekend.
What should have my response been? She's the one wanting a divorce, not me. Is this just cake eating? I'm not the one involved with someone else, its almost been a year from her finding out about the OW, she is the one that is wayward now.
Thanks
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
Got served papers yesterday. The night before she called me and told me she's close to losing her job, she was needing support from me, I have always supported her in her career. I told her that I didn't even know what she has going on at work, that she talks to someone else about that. She said she doesn't talk about her job stuff and definitely not her issues at work with him. Does she not talk about stuff like that because she's afraid that would make her look different than this perfect little picture she painted him?
So I talked a little, but not much. Said she really appreciated it.
Then I got served papers the next day!! That was yesterday.
Now today she text and ask how I am doing? I don't even know how to respond?! I'm dying, but I know that I can't say anything about that.
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
O man, this is my worst fear. A nice little chat and the next day, served. So sorry. R2C gave the perfect response (as always). I know how surreal it is...asking how you're doing. Now is the time where you are allowed to lie to your W. Hang in there.
When things progress so quickly is there a better chance it ends as quickly? First contact to her kicking me out was 60 days and she hadn't even seen him in person. 60 days after being out of the house, she lives with him when she don't have the kids, she's met his kids, went to his ex-wife wedding with him, and the list goes on and on. It's so crazy how fast it went from nothing to indicating he is her "soulmate" and all this happened for them to find each other.
I have seen a few articles that talked about when it progresses so quickly it is much more likely to end quickly.
Any thoughts and opinions about that?
Sandi you had asked me to feel in some blanks a while back, if you happen to see this I would love to hear some more insight from you on my situation.
Thanks again everyone for your words and insights.
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
I have seen a few articles that talked about when it progresses so quickly it is much more likely to end quickly.
Any thoughts and opinions about that?
In general it does seem like quickly progressing affairs do fizzle out sooner rather than later. That said, there are always exceptions to any rule. I can think of two examples from here, both a few years ago, where a WAW latched onto an affair partner pretty quickly, in one case the OM moved in with her and in the other case she moved in with him. Both relationships were still going strong over a year later and in both cases the LBS's quit posting so we don't know if they continued beyond that.
Also if the affair does fizzle out that doesn't necessarily mean she'll come running back to you. Often they will go in search of OM2, 3, 4, etc.
I'm not trying to kill your hopes, just point out that it's so hard to predict how any one situation will end up. I was 100% convinced my marriage would be saved and it wasn't. Others here I was completely convinced would NOT be saved, and they were. There's just no reliable benchmark or pattern. All you can do is focus on you!
I have seen a few articles that talked about when it progresses so quickly it is much more likely to end quickly.
Any thoughts and opinions about that?
In general it does seem like quickly progressing affairs do fizzle out sooner rather than later. That said, there are always exceptions to any rule. I can think of two examples from here, both a few years ago, where a WAW latched onto an affair partner pretty quickly, in one case the OM moved in with her and in the other case she moved in with him. Both relationships were still going strong over a year later and in both cases the LBS's quit posting so we don't know if they continued beyond that.
Also if the affair does fizzle out that doesn't necessarily mean she'll come running back to you. Often they will go in search of OM2, 3, 4, etc.
I'm not trying to kill your hopes, just point out that it's so hard to predict how any one situation will end up. I was 100% convinced my marriage would be saved and it wasn't. Others here I was completely convinced would NOT be saved, and they were. There's just no reliable benchmark or pattern. All you can do is focus on you!
This. I saw this with my W and her EA. Other man moved on fairly quickly. She was immediately on the hunt for OM #2. Sometimes it isn't about that particular person, but validation from someone else in general. Especially with WWs.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When things progress so quickly is there a better chance it ends as quickly? First contact to her kicking me out was 60 days and she hadn't even seen him in person. 60 days after being out of the house, she lives with him when she don't have the kids, she's met his kids, went to his ex-wife wedding with him, and the list goes on and on. It's so crazy how fast it went from nothing to indicating he is her "soulmate" and all this happened for them to find each other.
I have seen a few articles that talked about when it progresses so quickly it is much more likely to end quickly.
Any thoughts and opinions about that?
Sandi you had asked me to feel in some blanks a while back, if you happen to see this I would love to hear some more insight from you on my situation.
Thanks again everyone for your words and insights.
it's been less than a year since your wife found out about your affair. do you have any idea on how long that takes to get over.
My uneducated guess is that she is moving quickly with the new guy because 1) you hurt her in a way you probably didn't realize it, 2) it sounds like you never really process the your affair as a couple and 3) it helps her move on from the pain she was in.
Some people get married after a few dates, some people never get married after years. I don't think there is any hard and fast rules. Heck my dad is still married to his affair partner after 30+ years.
