IDK, Steve and I'll probably get flamed for saying this, but that's okay. And the answer is between you and God.
Confessing something that is old and done like this is IMO, in a way, taking your burden and dumping it on your W. Are you telling her for her benefit or your own? Does she need to know? Did she ask you?
Like I said, IDK. I just want to put that out there.
Sometimes things are better left in the past, yes. But when you are trying to enforce boundaries on things you are guilty of yourself and you are hiding, kind of makes you a hypocrite, don’t you think?
But I guess that is between you and god Steve. But it will be difficult
The bible says: “You have heard that it was said [a]to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Mat:27-28
So should I confess this every time I find a woman attractive?
We are all hypocrites. It's part of being human. So when is it okay to leave something in the past and who gets to decide?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Nothing fires me up more than when the Bible is twisted to suit ones motive .
I would say an affair with nudes phone sex and I love you’s Is a little more than finding a woman attractive, wouldn’t you say? Then I guess it would have suited Steve better to have no transparency, never find out about his wife on the game flirting and they both could keep all these things hidden and nothing will ever get fixed.
That is so far off in a comparison.
From what you are saying is they can go in sinning and if no one says anything, it’s like it’s not even happening.
How does that go forward and help what their issues are to the core?
Using the Bible that was disgusts me and I won’t even get into that.
Steve, do what you see fit, but you could both go and have EA’s when the marriage isn’t good, keep them secrets and not get to the core of the issues that are making these happen with some good therapy and open honesty.
Nothing fires me up more than when the Bible is twisted to suit ones motive .
I would say an affair with nudes phone sex and I love you’s Is a little more than finding a woman attractive, wouldn’t you say? Then I guess it would have suited Steve better to have no transparency, never find out about his wife on the game flirting and they both could keep all these things hidden and nothing will ever get fixed.
That is so far off in a comparison.
From what you are saying is they can go in sinning and if no one says anything, it’s like it’s not even happening.
How does that go forward and help what their issues are to the core?
Using the Bible that was disgusts me and I won’t even get into that.
Steve, do what you see fit, but you could both go and have EA’s when the marriage isn’t good, keep them secrets and not get to the core of the issues that are making these happen with some good therapy and open honesty.
Maybe ignorance is bliss for some
Ginger, my objective is not to win any debate. I am simply defending my words. Where is the twist? Please don't put words in my mouth. If I am wrong, tell me where.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
You say “should I tell my wife every time I find a woman attractive?” I didn’t put those words in your mouth.
Of course not. If Steve was just being attracted to other women, nothing should ever be said. We are all attracted to the opposite sex despite our relationship status. That’s actually healthy. It’s when we act on it. And when one You are comparing apples to oranges.
Hey everyone, appreciate the perspectives. I guess the thing is that my W claims she wouldn't care as long as it isn't a PA. Not sure I trust that.
I do believe that sins of the past should not prevent you from speaking out against those sins now. I've admitted to being an alcoholic when I was younger (25 years sober BTW), but now I still speak out against alcohol at every chance I get. Paul denied Christ during the crucifixion but then later accused the Jews in Jerusalem of denying Christ. I do not see past sins as making one a hypocrite. Now if I was actively in an EA today, and was confronting my W or others about their EA, then yes I would be hypocrite.
I am not saying anyone is wrong either. I do not think you are wrong if you think I should come clean, nor if you think I should bury it. I see merits in both. Mainly I wanted the truth out here on this forum. I almost came clean a few times before but never did because admitting even past faults can be difficult. But I wanted you all to have full perspective on this.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
..and my point is that it is a personal decision of when it is appropriate. Siting the bible doesn't make it any more clear. Slinging labels like Hypocrite doesn't either.
I asked a rhetorical question to make this point. Things like:
Quote
From what you are saying is they can go in sinning and if no one says anything, it’s like it’s not even happening.
That is putting words in my mouth. I never said nor inferred that.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
The bible says: “You have heard that it was said [a]to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Mat:27-28
So should I confess this every time I find a woman attractive?
That's not what the passage means. The passage is talking about a man who is consumed with a woman- imagining her naked, having sex with her, obsessed with the idea of getting together with her, to the point that it is affecting his work and his relationships with his family. This is world's apart from seeing a woman and thinking "wow she's attractive!" I used to moderate a Christian forum and we got a lot of questions/statements like this and we spent time researching the original meanings of certain words used and the difference between those words and the King James translation. This is one of those instances where the English translation does not convey the true meaning of the original Hebrew.
You say “should I tell my wife every time I find a woman attractive?” I didn’t put those words in your mouth.
Of course not. If Steve was just being attracted to other women, nothing should ever be said. We are all attracted to the opposite sex despite our relationship status. That’s actually healthy. It’s when we act on it. And when one You are comparing apples to oranges.
He acted on it
Well stated.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
